marriage (with a little sex and a little spice) – part three
. . . . .continuing from part two . . . . .
Yes, we, men and women, are highly sexed creatures! That important fact cannot be over emphasized. (As mentioned in the essay on the book, Brain Sex (filed under great books and authors) the hormones are very powerful mind altering bio-chemicals.) Wives and their husbands can benefit from a greater understanding and appreciation of the natural, inherent differences between the sexes.
For the marriage to survive and flourish, there needs to be a give and take between the spouses. This is no trite remark. Ongoing sacrifices are required on the part of the husband and on the wife’s part as well. Consider four scenarios here. Scenario one: the husband is a “taker” and does not seriously consider his wife’s needs and desires in his decision making and actions. He is self-seeking and inconsiderate of his spouse. One might describe him with certain expletives which we live to our readers’ imaginations. The wife endures this behavior over time, but grows increasingly frustrated, weary and angry about it. Scenario two: simply reverse the roles in scenario one. Here the wife is behaving very selfishly. Scenario three: the explosive or volcanic one – both spouses are suffering from and acting from very self-absorbed and ego-centric attitudes or mindsets. Scenario four: both spouses have giving, kind, considerate and gentle natures (rare, indeed!).
Which of these four scenarios gives the best probability for a lasting and happy marriage? It is not easy, but it is worth working (striving) to become a more giving person. And, ask that of your spouse if he/she is not kind and considerate of you and your needs.
The feminine wife and the masculine husband are natural complements to each other. They complete each other, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically as well. They are naturally attracted to each other and value each other.
The marital lovemaking should be frequent, passionate, mutually pleasurable and playful. Make use of variety in your activities and in the positions for coitus. Do not be afraid to try new things. Trust, respect and open communication are the keys here. (Many wives enjoy being taken in the “doggy” style position as it can allow for more intense and novel sensations. As well, try the “cow-girl” where the wife is on top.)
Here is a recent blog article worth reading and thinking about. It celebrates the female orgasm, and is a great essay. Highly recommended.
And, here is a response to that essay:
Catherine April 1, 2014 at 6:54 pm
I can totally agree that Orgasms stimulate blood flow in the brain and give you a good nights rest! On my nights before a big test, My husband and I always have sex. It relaxes me and if I do orgasm, my sleep is so much easier! Also, when I get to the test the next day, I feel more calm about it and seem to remember more things! My grades are higher after an Orgasmic night ;)
Wives, especially young newlyweds, be aware that men, especially young men, have a very real physical need for frequent sexual release. Your needs may tend more to the emotional side of your being, but do not fail to recognize your husband’s serious physical needs. Your husband is not an unfeeling, lustful animal. But, his brain is wired (structured and interconnected) very differently than yours, and his blood chemistry with its combination of hormones is also very different from yours. Depriving him of frequent sex is a sure way to stress the marriage and start on the path to marital failure. (Using sex as a weapon and withholding it so as to get back at him over spats and arguments is counter productive and will cost you dearly in the long run!)
Think of it this way – a man’s sexual “cycle” is measured in hours (not days or weeks), especially when he is young and the hormone levels are naturally very high in his bloodstream each and every day. (His body is producing semen each and every day.) So, make love with your husband often. Both men and women that have sex frequently are healthier and happier individuals.
Here is a recent essay that addresses some of the problems that husbands may experience that also affect their wives, namely premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation. These are serious issues in some marriages. Premature ejaculation is frustrating for the wife who normally needs more time to achieve orgasm. The wife’s needs need to be respected here, and husbands can work to overcome premature ejaculation. Shelia G provides this helpful essay:
Wives newly married, get comfortable or “used to” accepting/receiving the semen. It is a part of sex. It is definitely not dirty or “unclean” or unsafe (as long as your husband is free of sexually transmitted infections, it is actually quite healthy). With a little experience, you will not have any problems at all with accepting your husband’s semen (also known as “cum”), even when there is a large volume of it (and young husbands can be copious ejaculators). In fact, for many women, receiving the semen during love-making has deep meaning, is pleasant and exciting, and is valued by them.
Here are 2 comments from women that speak directly and explicitly to this shared sexual intimacy.
Marsha (USA, works in Human Resources)
I have always felt that friendship between a man and a woman could never be closer than when he is between my legs pumping his sperm deep inside that is wonderful.
. . . . I definitely enjoy what seems to be his instinct to go as deep inside me as he can. That’s when I most prefer being in the missionary position. I can pull my legs up around him making myself as vulnerable as possible to receive his deepest thrusting. With him in total control I can be assured he’ll be going into me as deeply as he can to spray his sperm into me. . . . . . I usually get 7 or 8 of those wonderful streams of cum in me before it’s over. . . . . Feeling him cumming in me is such a beautiful emotional and intimate experience. It makes our lovemaking complete. Having him inside me gives me a sense of oneness. That sense of oneness peaks when I’m feeling his seed spurting into me. He’s putting a part of himself deep inside me, a part of himself that has the ability to join with a part of me and put a baby inside me. It’s his treasure that is mine to keep and will remain inside me long after our lovemaking. The man filling the woman with his sperm is the most intimate experience for a couple. In a way, it says we belong to one another. He’s my man because I’m allowing him to put it inside me. I’m his woman because he’s allowing me to have it.
If you think about it, that is a very special time of closeness for the spouses. It is a shared experience.
These next several comments speak to the enjoyment women feel as their man ejaculates inside them, and their favorable view of the semen. (Explicit comments.)
The best way to describe the feeling of a man coming inside is to visualize a flower blooming. It is a very warm and relaxing sensation for me.
As he climaxes, I can almost feel his penis throbbing as he ejaculates hot semen inside me – it’s both a wet and warm feeling as my insides get bathed in his fluids. My man usually has a lot of volume, so it also feels like I’m getting filled up even more (if that were possible).
So, do I love it? Absolutely!! I love the feeling of him ejaculating inside me, and I love the feel of his warm semen filling my insides. I even love the feeling of his semen dripping out of me afterwards . . . .
I’m the same way. I’ve only let my husband cum inside me, and I can’t get over how great it feels inside when he gets even bigger right before cumming and I can feel his penis throb with every spurt. He has a lot of volume so even after he’s pulled out, I feel full with his hot, wet cum – I feel constantly turned on to feel it inside me.
SusieQ (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina)
It’s a great feeling just knowing he’s filled me all up. Then feeling it slowly drip out. It’s sooo hot
I’m not the original poster but I’ll take a shot (no pun intended) at the answer. From a woman’s point of view: Yes, I love the feeling of his warm cum filling me. It just feels SO soothing when he empties his balls in me. I wish that feeling could last forever. I hope me being graphic doesn’t offend anyone here, by the way. But I even like how the cum provides extra lubrication for the next time we have sex. During the day when I’m at work, when I walk or when I squeeze my legs together, I can feel my labia getting slippery from it again… it gets me turned on and reminds me that I’m all ready for more.
i just love feeling shots after shots of hot sperm spraying inside my vagina then when he pulls out after it becomes soft resting inside…just awesome watching the white liquid dripping out of my vagina.
I don’t feel the actual jets of semen. I DO feel his penis twitching as he spurts. I also feel his penis get just a little bigger and harder just before he ejaculates. He makes noises and strokes faster just before cumming. He cries out while he is ejaculating, which I find intimate and sexy.
I love it when my man ejaculates inside my vagina. Every time I have had sex I always made the man ejaculate inside me whether he wanted to or not. I love the feeling of his penis stiffing up, the look on his face, the noises he makes and the pulsating of his penis when his sperm is shooting inside me. It makes me orgasm so hard when he does. It also makes for ultimate satisfaction.
a young woman (Maryland, USA)
I love it!
I love it , I love it, I love it!!!!
I love orgasm, and know he loves orgasm too. I am happy that he gets there.
I love knowing that he can’t hold it back.
Early on when he’s inside me, sometimes he takes short quick thrusts, and says he loves me and that.
But later on, he can’t really talk and he then takes firmer deeper movements. I know that he’s getting more excited as time goes on, and I love knowing that’s what’s happening.
At the very end, if we’re missionary, his back actually arches and he goes in as deep as he can right as he comes inside me. I know that’s his reflex action which he can’t hold back.
Depending on our position, at the right time, I like to reach down and feel his balls and right under his balls, because you can feel it pulsing back and forth. And he can’t hold it back and I love knowing that he got so turned on inside me that he has lost control.
Then I can feel drips and know I got spermed!!
Christie (New York City)
. . . . One of the things I love about him is he has very large low hanging testicles, and as he gets close, they stop slapping into me and get very tight to his body. When that starts, I get excited knowing they are getting ready for “liftoff”! I place my hands on his butt, and when they tighten like a rock, I pull him as deep into me as I can. Like the others, laying there in afterglow, and feeling it trickle from me is also a huge turnon.
Here is a comment about a woman’s appreciation for and enjoyment of her man’s balls. And, men do appreciate when their wives give some loving attention to these. But, remember to be gentle in your caresses.
hapless dork (Canada)
I started seeing them as sexually as I do his penis.. so they turn me on to touch them now, where as before I was fairly indifferent to them at best, put off by them at worst. I caress them, fondle them, lick them, kiss them, rub my lips on them, breath on them, stroke them, hold on to them gently, rub my face against them !!
Paying them so much attention I’ve learned some details about my man’s impending orgasm based on the way they feel… so if I am going down on him, and want to edge out his pleasure (bringing him close to orgasm, backing off a bit, repeat , repeat)… I can tell by the way his balls react when he’s getting close to coming.. they give it away and if I am holding them when he ejaculates I can feel this little pulse right before he comes , like seconds before… and its so awesome.
Not only can the wife enjoy her orgasm(s), she can also take much pleasure in her man’s climax.
Now, I would like to add my thoughts, as a man and a husband, on ejaculating inside the wife’s vagina. As this will be the only comment from a man, it may be rather lengthy. This will give the women readers some idea of how pleasurable, and very intense, the man’s ejaculation is for him (with the many sensations).
As I approach my climax, I can feel the changes in my body. The body’s pre-ejaculatory actions and related sensations tell me that ejaculation is nearing. Depending on position and how rapid my thrusts are, it is often possible to feel the balls pulling up towards my abdomen as the sperm is being pulled out of them, sucked up deep into my body for mixing with the semenal fluids from the various male glands. While these fluids mix, my penis does get a bit larger and harder, the head swells a bit more with even more blood. The urge, or perhaps it is a reflex, to thrust more rapidly and deeply takes over.
A man feels what is happening during those several seconds when his body is preparing for ejaculation and steadily gets closer to forcing out the pooled semen. These seconds are very intense and exhilarating! With each passing second, the sexual tension, so to speak, increases and the body’s urge or hunger or need to ejaculate increases. For me, this actually feels delicious. I enjoy this brief but intense time, and the anticipation that comes along with it. The longer this interval lasts and the less urgent the need to ejaculate feels at least early on, the stronger the climax is likely to be. I know this from experience, and relish when this interval of increasing tension comes on more gradually and thus lasts longer than usual. It means that there is more sperm and semen mixing inside me, and that to pump it all out will require even more pleasurable and intense contractions. I so love the strong orgasms and the lengthy ejaculations! As I thrust rapidly, pre-cum is now leaking out of the very swollen head of my penis, and I feel that many of my muscles are tightening up, in my buttocks, my abdomen, even in my upper thighs, ejaculation is imminent! I am at the point of “no-return”.
Then the added stimulation from the more rapid strokes or thrusts finally does the trick. Suddenly, the muscles of my abdomen forcefully contract involuntarily in rapid rhythmic pulses expelling the warm cum. (These internal contractions are the orgasm that then produces the ejaculation.) The muscles of my legs and buttocks also contribute some force to my thrusting penis. I am “cumming” or call it ejaculating. These contractions are strong and feel wonderful in themselves, and also feel good as these serve to release the built up tension in my body.
Another very pleasurable and intense sensation for the man is feeling the semen flowing from deep in his lower abdomen and then out through the entire length of his urethra (the canal or “tube” in the penis) before finally spurting into his wife’s vagina. As the entire head of the penis is so very sensitive at this time, with all its nerve endings on fire, the end of each spurt, as the semen leaves the penis, can be especially gratifying. (I think this is why many men prefer when they can have strong, lengthy ejaculations with more pulses. You want this intense pleasure to last.)
I love these sensations of the (“streams” or “jets” of) semen forcefully flowing through my rock hard penis. I can feel the entire length and mass of each jet or stream as it rapidly and forcefully travels the length of the urethra (as its nerve endings are in an excited state, and are very sensitive). During a “heavy” ejaculation, when there are more jets, and these are longer and/or thicker with more cum, these internal sensations are very strong and pleasurable, especially during the jets or streams that are longer!! These longer jets stimulate the very excited nerves of the urethra for a longer time period. As well, these are accompanied with stronger contractions to pump out the larger volume of semen. (This is not easy to describe for women who can never experience a male ejaculation. Perhaps, for the woman, the sensations are similar when she ejaculates or “squirts”.) For a short time, a man is not aware of anything else – he becomes his ejaculatory process, “he” is cumming. To be honest, a heavy ejaculation is also psychologically gratifying for me, as I was able to give more sperm to my wife. She surely notices when there is more cum leaking out long afterwards. And, yes, definitely yes!, I sooo wish that I could have more (lengthy!, heavy) shots in my ejaculations and so have even more of this exquisite, intense, manly pleasure!!
But, this is all happening in combination with, and in addition to, the very pleasing sensations coming from the penis thrusting inside the warm, wet, slippery vagina. This is one reason you can really say the ejaculation is a shared experience. (As some of the women commented above, “it is a warm and wet feeling” – this is also true for the man.) The wife is feeling the firmer, deeper, more rapid thrusts at the same time as the husband is experiencing all this sensory stimulation. The more rapid thrusting and the throbbing of the swollen head of the penis may even trigger an orgasm for the wife.
Psychologically and emotionally, there is something very primal, very elemental and basic here. It does give a man a feeling, a sense of his masculinity when he ejaculates his sperm deep inside his wife’s vagina. The act, in a way, reaffirms his manhood and his sense of himself. As well, during this magical time, for these timeless seconds, it does feel as though we are sharing something very special with each other, and that we are one. I am going to copy the beautiful remarks by “his kitten” (from above) here as these do capture what I feel (emotionally) while pumping (blasting out) my warm cum forcefully inside my wife as the walls of her vagina enclose, hug, grasp, squeeze, kiss, and caress my throbbing penis,hungrily welcoming my sperm.
“Feeling him cumming in me is such a beautiful emotional and intimate experience. It makes our lovemaking complete. Having him inside me gives me a sense of oneness. That sense of oneness peaks when I’m feeling his seed spurting into me. . . . . The man filling the woman with his sperm is the most intimate experience for a couple. In a way, it says we belong to one another.“
In closing my comment, I will point out that the very gratifying, intense (even thrilling) sensations the man experiences - leading up to, and during his ejaculation - are the same (and equally enjoyable!) whether the couple is engaging in intercourse or the wife is lovingly and tenderly performing oral sex for her husband. It is magical for the man.
trust, respect, admiration, vulnerability, acceptance, tenderness, love, pleasure, playful, giving, surrender
love, giving, tenderness, playful, vulnerability, trust, surrender, acceptance, respect, pleasure, admiration . . . . regardless of the order one may think of them, these are the words that come to our minds when considering marital lovemaking.
Before closing this essay, we want to touch on a “touchy” even a “taboo” subject. We have already written on the needless, hurtful mutilation of infant males through circumcision in the United States (we’re the only country in the world dumb enough to mutilate its newborn baby boys routinely and for no good reason(s)). For prospective parents, we ask that you not allow the doctors or interns to do this to your son(s). It is an unnecessary and truly outrageous assault on marriage as it abnormalizes coitus for both the wife and for the husband. (You can read the essay “Why do we circumcise” under the marriage tab. It was the first essay we posted back in early June.) And, do not be misled by the current bogus justifications for circumcision: cleanliness and urinary tract infections (UTIs). The cleanliness issue is absurd. Natural (uncut) men can easily wash themselves regularly just as women wash their genitals, and there are no legitimate concerns here. UTIs are treated simply with antibiotics. Justifying circumcision to deal with the very low risk of UTIs, is like amputating a finger because one has an ingrown nail. Every time a lie in support of circumcision is debunked, the medical community, rather than admit the error of this barbarous practice, makes up another lie. When you strap down an infant and mutilate his genitals for life, it is not about health concerns at all, it is about power and control!
Natural is better. Women have a right to natural husbands. Let’s work to end this superstitious practice for the sake of future generations.
Dear readers, there is a homework assignment for you (completely voluntary, but still highly recommended). Please read these essays before you read our next installment as in parts four and five we will get into some of the details quite explicitly, and these essays will prepare you for that.
We have provided these 3 links to essays worth reading and thinking about. The first 2 essays are written by women for women. (Please note: our warning at the top of our first essay applies here.) If, after reading these essays, you decide that you do not wish to continue reading our series of essays on marriage, that will be considered an “abend”. This is somewhat of a slang term from the programmers’ lexicon for a computer program’s execution ending (or terminating) abnormally. But, we understand, and it is okay for you to opt out.
We do not believe that a wife and her husband will burn in Hell for a zillion years if they incorporate oral sex into their affectionate and playful marital lovemaking.
Julie Sibert’s essay is from a Christian perspective and addresses oral sex within marriage. Some months ago, I emailed Julie to congratulate her on a very well thought out and well written essay. (Julie is an “outside of the box” kind of thinker.) Here is the link:
Renee Wade has a good blog (http://www.thefemininewoman.com/blog/) and a couple of years or so ago wrote this very insightful essay for women to give serious thought to. It does shed some needed light on why men derive so much gratification from fellatio. (It raises certain aspects that we were not fully aware of.) It is more than just physical(!) as Renee cogently explains. (Renee is a strong advocate for committed, monogamous relationships.)
This last link is to a very recent essay with recent survey results of married persons on questions about their oral sex likes and dislikes. (The only shortcoming we see is that less than 30 per cent of the participants were women. But, the sample size, 309 women respondents, is pretty good.)
Here is a link to the next essay in this series. This essay is especially recommended for young couples who are engaged or who are recently married.
And, if you would like the conceptual background to our views on marital lovemaking, then you can go back to the start of the series by clicking on this link.
Thanks for reading.