marriage (with a little sex and a little spice) – part three
. . . . .continuing from part two . . . . .
Yes, we, men and women, are highly sexed creatures! That important fact cannot be over emphasized. (As mentioned in the essay on the book, Brain Sex (filed under great books and authors) the hormones are very powerful mind altering bio-chemicals.) Wives and their husbands can benefit from a greater understanding and appreciation of the natural, inherent differences between the sexes.
For the marriage to survive and flourish, there needs to be a give and take between the spouses. This is no trite remark. Ongoing sacrifices are required on the part of the husband and on the wife’s part as well. Consider four scenarios here. Scenario one: the husband is a “taker” and does not seriously consider his wife’s needs and desires in his decision making and actions. He is self-seeking and inconsiderate of his spouse. One might describe him with certain expletives which we live to our readers’ imaginations. The wife endures this behavior over time, but grows increasingly frustrated, weary and angry about it. Scenario two: simply reverse the roles in scenario one. Here the wife is behaving very selfishly. Scenario three: the explosive or volcanic one – both spouses are suffering from and acting from very self-absorbed and ego-centric attitudes or mindsets. Scenario four: both spouses have giving, kind, considerate and gentle natures (rare, indeed!).
Which of these four scenarios gives the best probability for a lasting and happy marriage? It is not easy, but it is worth working (striving) to become a more giving person. And, ask that of your spouse if he/she is not kind and considerate of you and your needs.
The feminine wife and the masculine husband are natural complements to each other. They complete each other, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically as well. They are naturally attracted to each other and value each other.
The marital lovemaking should be frequent, passionate, pleasurable and playful. Make use of variety in your activities and in the positions for coitus. Do not be afraid to try new things. Trust, respect and open communication are the keys here. (Many wives enjoy being taken in the “doggy” style position as it can allow for more intense and novel sensations.)
Wives, especially young newlyweds, be aware that men, especially young men, have a very real physical need for frequent sexual release. Your needs may tend more to the emotional side of your being, but do not fail to recognize your husband’s serious physical needs. Your husband is not an unfeeling, lustful animal. But, his brain is wired (structured and interconnected) very differently than yours, and his blood chemistry with its combination of hormones is also very different from yours. Depriving him of frequent sex is a sure way to stress the marriage and start on the path to marital failure. (Using sex as a weapon and withholding it so as to get back at him over spats and arguments is counter productive and will cost you dearly in the long run.)
Think of it this way – a man’s sexual “cycle” is measured in hours (not days or weeks), especially when he is young and the hormone levels are naturally very high in his bloodstream each and every day. So, make love with your husband often. Both men and women that have sex frequently are healthier and happier individuals.
trust, respect, admiration, vulnerability, acceptance, tenderness, love, pleasure, playful
love, tenderness, playful, vulnerability, trust, acceptance, respect, pleasure, admiration . . . . regardless of the order one may think of them, these are the words that come to our minds when considering marital lovemaking.
Before closing this essay, we want to touch on a “touchy” even a “taboo” subject. We have already written on the needless, hurtful mutilation of infant males through circumcision in the United States (we’re the only country in the world dumb enough to mutilate its newborn baby boys routinely and for no good reason(s)). For prospective parents, we ask that you not allow the doctors or interns to do this to your son(s). It is an unnecessary and truly outrageous assault on marriage as it abnormalizes coitus for both the wife and for the husband. (You can read the essay “Why do we circumcise” under the marriage tab. It was the first essay we posted back in early June.) And, do not be misled by the current bogus justifications for circumcision: cleanliness and UTIs. The cleanliness issue is absurd. Natural (uncut) men can easily wash themselves regularly just as women wash their genitals, and there are no legitimate concerns here. UTIs are treated simply with antibiotics. Justifying circumcision to deal with the very low risk of UTIs, is like amputating a finger because one has an ingrown nail. Every time a lie in support of circumcision is debunked, the medical community, rather than admit the error of this barbarous practice, makes up another lie. When you strap down an infant and mutilate his genitals for life, it is not about health concerns at all, it is about power and control!
Natural is better. Women have a right to natural husbands. Let’s work to end this superstitious practice for the sake of future generations.
Dear readers, there is a homework assignment for you (completely voluntary, but still highly recommended). Please read these essays before you read our next installment as in parts four and five we will get into some of the details quite explicitly, and these essays will prepare you for that.
We have provided these 3 links to essays worth reading and thinking about. The first 2 essays are written by women for women. (Please note: our warning at the top of our first essay applies here.) If, after reading these essays, you decide that you do not wish to continue reading our series of essays on marriage, that will be considered an “abend”. This is somewhat of a slang term from the programmers’ lexicon for a computer program’s execution ending (or terminating) abnormally. But, we understand, and it is okay for you to opt out.
We do not believe that a wife and her husband will burn in Hell for a zillion years if they incorporate oral sex into their affectionate and playful marital lovemaking.
Julie Sibert’s essay is from a Christian perspective and addresses oral sex within marriage. Some months ago, I emailed Julie to congratulate her on a very well thought out and well written essay. (Julie is an “outside of the box” kind of thinker.) Here is the link:
Renee Wade has a good blog (http://www.thefemininewoman.com/blog/) and a couple of years or so ago wrote this very insightful essay for women to give serious thought to. It does shed some needed light on why men derive so much gratification from fellatio. (It raises certain aspects that we were not fully aware of.) It is more than just physical(!) as Renee cogently explains. (Renee is a strong advocate for committed, monogamous relationships.)
This last link is to a very recent essay with recent survey results of married persons on questions about their oral sex likes and dislikes. (The only shortcoming we see is that less than 30 per cent of the participants were women. But, the sample size, 309 women respondents, is pretty good.)
Here is a link to the next essay in this series. This essay is especially recommended for young couples who are engaged or who are recently married.
And, if you would like the conceptual background to our views on marital lovemaking, then you can go back to the start of the series by clicking on this link.
Thanks for reading.