a needless source of conflict in a loving marriage
*****Warning – sexually explicit topic is discussed***** Reader discretion is advised*****
Our target audience for this essay is married women and those women who are engaged to be married. Married men may wish to pass this on to their wives if it is applicable to their marriage.
Please note: we have added an addendum (below) that can be helpful to wives who are not yet comfortable with giving oral sex to their husbands.
Some married women still have some hesitation and reluctance with performing oral sex for their husband, but there really is no need for this. Oral sex is often engaged in by couples as part of foreplay leading to intercourse. But, as everyone knows, oral sex can also be performed for those times when intercourse is not mutually desired.
Ladies, do not get hung up on the idea that performing oral sex for your husband is somehow degrading or demeaning to you, the wife. (See the link below to our earlier marriage essays that treat that unwarranted concern and dispel it.) Oral sex, when approached with the right mental attitude, can be a beautiful and enjoyable expression of your love for your spouse.
Sex (intercourse) during pregnancy and during the menses can be uncomfortable. Wives, these are likely times when you may not want intercourse. As well, oral sex can be performed for any times when you do not desire intercourse for any reason(s).
Fellatio can be playfully and easily performed during these times with the act continuing through his climax. There is no risk to you (nor to your baby, if you are pregnant) if you swallow your husband’s semen (if he is free of sexually transmitted diseases); or if you prefer (as some women do), you can watch him releasing (“shooting”) on to your breasts. But, even if you do not want to swallow his ejaculate, ladies, it is much better for your husband physically and emotionally, and more intimate for him and for you, to simply let him climax inside your mouth. Opening your lips some while he is ejaculating (on the “outstroke”, when your mouth is moving rapidly along his upper shaft to the tip or head of the penis) allows the semen to easily run out of your mouth.
Spread a large towel under you. The kneeling position (on a pillow or a folded towel) allows for more neck and jaw comfort while performing oral sex, and also makes it easier (and quicker) for many men to ejaculate from oral sex. As well, this position helps make accepting his ejaculation easier and more comfortable for you. (This is true for both receiving the pulses inside your mouth, and for directing them on to your breasts.)
Any reluctance you have is mostly mental, and can be overcome with a little experience and confidence gained. The links below can be helpful to wives who wish to gain a fuller appreciation of the importance of oral sex within a loving relationship. Your tender fellatio can be an enjoyable, exciting, and very special form of lovemaking for you and for your husband. The enhanced intimacy comes from the shared vulnerability, the trust, the respect, and the acceptance that you share with each other.
From Renee Wade’s blog, thefemininewoman.com, we have this very insightful essay:
From our own marriage series this past summer (read essay part 3, before proceeding on to part 4):
Also, from another married woman’s blog, we have these 2 insightful essays:
This next essay has some very helpful suggestions for wives, and also has some relevant comments and questions from a few women. Highly recommended.
Here is a good essay with tons of comments from wives on this subject.
Another helpful essay with numerous reader comments:
Here is a link to another relevant article. We also include our posted comment (lengthy quote) to it below. Julie Siebert does a great job on her intimacy in marriage blog (from a Christian perspective).
Thanks Julie for taking on the macro issue of sexual demands within a loving marriage and in specifically addressing oral sex. (This demand of swallowing is more prevalent than many people may realize.)
Spouses ought not make demands or use coercion in their loving sexual relationship. However, honest and open communication (without fear) can lead to compromises that respect both spouses’ needs, concerns and desires. Win-win compromises can be reached.
Pardon me for being explicit here. Specifically, the husband that demands his wife swallow every time during fellatio is wrong and is not being considerate of his wife. But, what is sometimes overlooked or minimized is that the wife who absolutely refuses to ever let her husband ejaculate inside her mouth is also being very inflexible and needlessly rigid in her thinking and attitude. As you, Julie, pointed out in your essay two years ago, semen is not poisonous.
Obviously, the man can be terribly inconsiderate of his wife during the act if he chooses to be. But, for many married couples who have a positive attitude towards the intimacy and the shared vulnerability and respect during oral sex, the act is a beautiful expression of love. It is not in any way “demeaning” to the wife for those couples.
How about a win-win compromise, husbands and wives?! For those times, when you both want him to climax during fellatio, how about some of the time letting him release inside his wife’s warm, wet mouth? Not every time, but on some (not infrequent) occasions. As to swallowing, that really is in many cases just a request to be allowed to freely finish in her mouth. Wives, if they want, can simply let the semen run out of their mouth. (Overcome the mental block and you will find that physically it is no big deal.)
Sadly, this specific issue is a source of conflict in many marriages where neither spouse is willing to compromise. Meet each other halfway and you can make the oral sex a joyous, tender and playful part of your lovemaking!
end of comment
Chocolate covered strawberries.
Addendum – more detailed and explicit (of necessity)
We are adding (now in May, 2013) these next several paragraphs as they may be of help to wives (of any age). Middle aged wives who have refused to do this for their husbands for many years of marriage need to read this and rethink their position. Please read and carefully consider these paragraphs. (Some readers may think the below paragraphs are overkill and perhaps unnecessary, but the intended audience is those wives who still have a mental block against performing oral sex. Those wives who already know and experience the joys of oral sex will already know much of what is addressed below.) This addendum is quite long, but is filled with helpful information and tips, and we include numerous comments from wives. The main goal here is for women to see the value of performing oral sex and that the shared intimacy is greatest when the wife “finishes” the act. Near the end, we discuss the meaning and value to the husband of his wife’s loving fellatio. This is a relevant component that is sometimes not adequately addressed. I will share the man’s perspective based on my experiences receiving oral sex, and on the many comments by other husbands read on various forums over several months. (Towards the end of this last section, we briefly address some additional physical concerns of wives.) This last section (“why this matters”) really ought to be carefully read by all wives, as it addresses both emotional and physiological issues they may not be aware of.
The most often cited reason for a wife not enjoying her fellatio is the ejaculation occurring inside her mouth. (Thus, we address the ejaculation at the end of her oral sex at length and in specifics. So, again, reader discretion is advised. Our purpose is to help wives (who are not doing this, or are having problems in this area) more easily overcome their anxieties so that they can freely and comfortably receive their husband’s ejaculation, readily swallow the ejaculate, and enjoy performing oral sex with confidence and without any stress. Many of the wives who make the effort in this area find that their anxieties can be easily discarded.) So-called “deep throating” of the penis largely avoids this issue. But, this is not easy to do for many, if not most, women. The following paragraphs are for those wives who have not yet learned to “deep throat” the penis during ejaculation, or who have difficulty doing so because of the sensitivity of their gag reflex, and/or the girth of their husband’s penis, and/or the size of their mouth, etc., or simply prefer not to “deep throat” (for any reason(s) – as you or your husband may prefer the finish in your mouth rather than in your throat).
**** Please read the many comments from wives on their experiences that we have included throughout this appendix. ****
If you have any hesitation or reluctance with letting your husband finish inside your mouth, be aware that any aversion to semen you may have is only in your mind. Some young wives, and middle aged ones who have only very rarely performed fellatio for their husbands, will mentally freeze up at the time of ejaculation and then not want to experience or accept it, and will even – in some instances – at the last second refuse to do so and pull away. This is a very frustrating disappointment to her husband, especially so if they have both agreed at the start that he could freely ejaculate inside her mouth. As we discuss below, there is no need for this discomfort and these mental obstacles can be overcome. (For some wives, the fear and mental obstacle is about accepting the ejaculation inside the mouth. For other wives, who accept the ejaculation, swallowing the semen is the “obstacle” or “hurdle” for them to get over.)
Wives, as you read through this appendix, please try to keep in mind that it is not unreasonable nor selfish of your husband to want to ejaculate inside your mouth. There are valid emotional and physical reasons for desiring this, and this desire is quite natural. Also, keep in mind you are making love to him by making love to his penis. As well, ladies, it is not unreasonable (or “extreme”) for him to desire (and even expect) that you swallow his semen. (This is, of course, after you have had the opportunity to gain some experience by performing oral sex several or many times.) This may at first seem unreasonable to you. However, when you share the intimacy of the act with your husband several times, or perhaps many times over a few months, you may see this in a different light. Your husband’s ejaculation is an intense experience for him, and a tangible display to you, for you, of his virility and sexual vigor. He is releasing his semen for you and through your efforts. Thus, he naturally expects that you, his wife, will want to accept it. (Be sure to read the last section below on why accepting the ejaculation is so important.) With total acceptance and freely swallowing the semen, you really bless and honor your husband. Ladies, this is one of the most loving, playful, and special acts you can do for your husband in your loving sexual relationship. Therefore, we strongly encourage wives to try swallowing several times! (Work up to it, if need be. One, two, or three bad experience(s) does not mean you will always have difficulty doing so. As with any new activity, there is a “learning” curve.) Refusing to even try is a very poor choice to make for your loving marital sexual intimacy.
Please be aware that some wives have prayed for guidance when struggling with the idea and/or the act of performing oral sex and swallowing their husband’s semen. These wives, after their first several sessions of oral sex, really did not enjoy the swallowing, and did not look forward to doing it in the future. (They had, on several occasions, received the ejaculation and then swallowed the semen, but did not enjoy it.) After some prayer and some reflection, these wives again approached and performed their loving oral sex. Now, with a more positive and giving attitude, consciously focusing on the pleasure they were giving their husband, they found receiving and then swallowing the semen became easier and, in time. even enjoyable for them. Then, they no longer avoided or dreaded performing oral sex for their husband, but rather enjoyed doing this for him, and wanted to do it. A change in mental attitude or outlook made a big difference for these wives! You may want to pray and reflect about this if you are still having any anxieties or reservations about giving oral sex and/or swallowing for your husband.
Here are a few related comments from Christian wives.
I did not always enjoy giving oral, and I especially did not like swallowing. However, I seem to be having a sexual awakening and now I love them both.
Comment by Jade on July 16, 2011 11:40 pm
I was the same way for a very long time. I gave oral and didn’t really enjoy it much, expecially swallowing. But now I’ve taken a different approach that i think might help you. trying praying just before giving oral. pray for God to open your heart and mind to this experince. ask God to free yourself of thoughts of apprehention. this has helped me greatly and has changed my entire outlook on OS with my hubby!
I am right there with you girl I never myself liked to swallow either but since my awakening so to speak I have done it several times and he absolutely loves it! I totally do it for him and I really dont mind because it is such a huge turn on for him!!!!
It’s a different but great feeling. Something about the anticipation, texture, warmth and, for me anyway, the taste. It’s a very intimate moment if you don’t let yourself get hung up mentally.
As noted above in the main essay, ladies, there is no risk to you in swallowing your husband’s semen (provided he is free of sexually transmitted infections (STIs)). So, obviously there is no possible harm when you freely accept his ejaculation inside your mouth prior to swallowing. (Semen contains water, enzymes, sugars, vitamins, minerals, sperm cells, etc. The sperm content is only about 1 percent or less. The pre-ejaculate fluid is similarly harmless. You can do an Internet search on semen and you will find various articles that tell us that it is healthy for a woman to consume her husband’s semen if he is free of STIs.) With this in mind, you can let go of your needless hesitation and enjoy the moment. Get used to having semen in your mouth for a very short time during his ejaculation. (The “because he’s worth it” essay linked to above addresses taste/texture concerns, and what you can easily do to lessen these concerns (read the essay and the comments to it).) Many women do – with experience – “acquire” a taste for their husband’s semen (also widely known and called now by the slang term “cum”). Many say that there is not much of a taste to notice, the semen being almost “tasteless”. Others remark that the taste varies from “salty” to “musky” to “mildly sweet” or “tangy”. According to some women, adding a little cinnamon (and/or green tea) to his daily diet can help improve the semen taste. Regarding texture, have your husband drink enough water and fruit juices. Being sufficiently hydrated can help to thin his semen. For many wives, texture is not an issue. The point here is that concerns about taste and texture do not in any way justify refusing your husband this pleasure, and denying both you and him this intimacy!
Here is some advice from an experienced wife.
Comment by 2jewels on August 6, 2008 12:42 pm
One thing that stops many women from enjoying the act of giving your husband oral sex is the taste! One way to combat that is to encourage your husband to lessen his caffine intake and drink plenty of juice (mine uses pineapple). He will more than likely comply because his sacrifice is outwieghed by the pleasure. It is worth the try for you to have fun!
Another thing to try instead of him pulling out to cum, is to put your toung at the back of your mouth. This way you are not “gagged by him or the cum.
Making this act ALL about his pleasure makes it a ton of fun for you too.
This next comment speaks to the mental aspect of the act for the wife, and tells us that a loving wife can perform oral sex with a positive mindset, and thus enjoy the act.
I can’t say that I like the taste of my husband’s semen, but I don’t mind it either. I do however think that it’s the mental aspect of performing oral sex that is a turn on for me. I enjoy the thought the only thing that can produce semen is an orgasm. A man just can’t say, gee, I think I’ll ejaculate now. To me its the fact that I’ve pleasured him so well that I’ve created this orgasm which in turn produces his semen. I don’t think of it as something gross or dirty or even think about its taste so much as what it represents.
I’ve read people’s description of what semen tastes like to them, but I guess the thing that I can compare it to is that it taste like sex, if that makes sense.
I think what I like about giving oral sex is the knowledge that his orgasm is so close to me by being right in my mouth. I can feel his penis contract and pump the semen with my lips and mouth. For some reason, knowing that he can’t control ejaculation is sexy to me. To me, its a very loving and sharing experience so much so that it diminishes a great deal the taste. I don’t mind the texture either, its kind of sexy, like sex should be.
One might venture to say that when the loving wife shares and participates in his ejaculation and freely accepts and swallows her husband’s ejaculate, it is an example of the complementarity of her feminine nature and her husband’s masculine nature.
We share here a comment from a young woman about her first experience with performing oral sex.
A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):
I gave head for the first time this evening and not only was it enjoyable for him (clearly) but i also really enjoyed myself. I thought his semen tasted really nice to be honest but he does have a good diet and drinks tonsssss of water
As well, do not stress on those occasions when your husband experiences a very strong and lengthy ejaculation, and produces more semen. With experience and some confidence, you can manage that. This means your loving oral sex was very gratifying to him. And, yes, there will be times when you do receive a larger volume of semen, and/or experience more forceful pulses inside your mouth from your husband. Younger husbands, in their 20s and 30s, normally produce more semen than middle aged husbands, and thus can be quite the copious ejaculators (with more pulses and more semen). This is normal and healthy, but, yes,it can be a little intimidating for a young wife new to performing oral sex. (The forceful and even lengthy streams of warm, sometimes thick, semen following quite rapidly one upon the other inside your mouth do take a little getting used to.) Here is what you can do. Keep a neutral mental attitude free of worry! These facts can help. Be aware that it is fairly rare for even a virile, very aroused young man to have more than 10 or 12 pulses of semen during his ejaculation, but 7 or 8 spurts is more the norm. As well, in the typical (7 or 8 spurt) ejaculation, the first 3 to 5 pulses are usually the strongest (in both force and volume of ejaculate) with noticeably weaker ones following. (For the less frequent lengthy ejaculation, the numbers rise proportionately.) So you already know his ejaculation will not last for very long(!), and that after the first few spurts, it becomes much easier for you to receive. As well, ladies, you already know, that even with many strong spurts, the volume of cum you’ll be accepting is not very large(!) - it is perhaps a large table spoon in a quite lengthy, strong ejaculation - but most times much less (like a few small tea spoons)! At the start, ask your husband to signal you when he gets close to ejaculating. When he warns you, ease back a little and suck only the very top of the shaft and the head of his penis (keep a hand on the shaft to control how far he can go inside your mouth). Then, as noted in the essay above, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the very rapid and forceful pulses, opening your lips a little more, while vigorously sucking his penis, allows any excess semen to run out of your mouth while he is ejaculating. But try to continue sucking until he is done - even when there are more pulses than usual. If during the later and weaker pulses, you feel more comfortable, then simply close your lips more. If you concentrate on sucking, staying mentally focused on your sucking, you may not feel overwhelmed by his first few strong pulses. You will take them in stride so to speak. These are such small concerns when compared to the joy and intimacy you can share with your husband at these times! Do not allow these issues to keep you from enjoying your fellatio.
JennieBottle (a young wife)
Well actually it is a bitter salty taste. But I have noticed that it can be sweeter, and it matters what he has eaten in the last 24 hours I think.. And sometimes it can be thicker and sometimes it can be thinner. When I first tasted it I would gag too and want to spit it out. But after a while I started swallowing and my husband just gets so turned on. I can tell he enjoys me swallowing it a lot. It’s not the greatest taste but I have very much come to like it. Sometimes I’ll suck on a fruit of some kind before I give him a blowjob just to make it taste better. It isn’t for every woman, and if you don’t like it than don’t do it. I personally love it though.
Comment by hisgirl on August 6, 2009 3:21 pm
Sometimes my husband does thrust a little when I do oral on him (just as a reaction, I think) and also I know he likes to feel me pressing against him hard… And that’s okay at first, but after his erection gets really firm I can’t handle it – same problem you have I think. So when he starts thrusting, I just use my hand on the lower part of his penis so that there’s only a little bit in my mouth. He gets to feel tightly surrounded and can thrust all he wants, and I don’t gag.
After having accepted his ejaculation inside your mouth, swallowing is actually the easiest and quickest way to remove your husband’s semen from your mouth. It is also an extremely, emotionally intimate act for your husband and for yourself. (As well, since your swallowing avoids any messy cleanup, it lets you perform oral sex spontaneously and in almost any place or situation that you both desire to enjoy it. This extra freedom, and the variety it permits, can be very exciting for both of you.) Thus, it comes as no surprise that swallowing is,by far, the preferred option for those times when he ejaculates inside your mouth. (Spitting out the semen, and acting negatively like it is so “gross’ really destroys much of the intimacy and the acceptance that you can share with your oral sex.) Some wives have learned to swallow during the ejaculation after each pulse. If you can do that, so much the better, especially during a lengthy ejaculation. But, many wives cannot easily do this, and quickly swallow the entire “load” after the ejaculation has finished. (When you receive a larger volume of the semen from your husband, you may simply need to swallow a few times. It is easy. Once you begin to enjoy swallowing, receiving a bigger load will be no big deal.) Many husbands like to watch their wife swallowing. As well, we note in passing that the very many wives who like the semen taste and/or texture often take their time in swallowing (to enjoy the taste) and this shows their husband they enjoy doing this. And, from the numerous comments on the various discussions forums, many wives do enjoy (even “love”) the taste/texture of the cum, and swallowing it. In time, you may as well. Once you become comfortable (through your experiences) with your husband’s semen in your mouth, you will quite naturally enjoy swallowing and then the entire act of oral sex becomes stress free for you, and thus you can enjoy it more. Swallowing, with a little experience (and familiarity), will become so natural for you to do, that you will likely not even give it a second thought. Many wives, after gaining that personal comfort level through their experiences, enjoy swallowing at the end of their efforts.
Some wives continue gently sucking and licking his “deflating” penis, after swallowing (or between swallows), to keep the post ejaculation emotional intimacy going for a short while. Ask your husband if he desires this. Once you are comfortable with accepting and swallowing the ejaculate, you can easily do this if both your husband and you enjoy it.
Here is a comment that speaks to both swallowing and this post ejaculation licking.
A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008):
As for swallowing, some girls that like giving head don’t like swallowing for various reasons. Girls, if you have a hard time swallowing it all at once, I’ve found that if you catch it in your mouth and then spread it on his penis (but avoid the head because its super sensitive) and gently lick it off, it makes it easier to “get rid” of it . . . . . When they cum and you back away and everythings is over, its sort of abrupt. This way you can keep things going for a little bit but remember the penis is really sensitive after ejaculating so be gentle.
Another possibility, when you have received a large volume of semen, is to swallow some initially and then do as she suggests above. Or, spread some of it on to his penis, swallow the remaining volume in your mouth, and then begin licking his penis for the semen there. Basically, you are swallowing over a few moments (which for some women is easier) and not “all at once”. Find what works best for you, and what you enjoy. How you swallow is not as important as the fact that you are swallowing for your husband. But, we strongly advise that you do try to swallow all of the cum, even the big loads, at least what is in your mouth at the end. (No need for concern if a little spills out or drops away during his ejaculation.) Whether you swallow all at once or take a few moments to do so, a little post ejaculation licking and gentle sucking and kissing of his penis is a pleasant (and playful) way to wind things down for both of you!
Here is a comment from a wife who learned to deep throat, and other comments from wives who enjoy swallowing.
I love to swallow my husband’s cum. I have a really strong gag reflex, that’s why I take his penis as far down my throat as I can and then when he releases his warm cum, I take and swallow every last drop.
Lisa (42 years old)
I don’t mind the taste of come, but sometimes, initially, it will trigger a gag reflex. If I just hold it, and the penis, in my mouth for a few seconds, take a few deep breaths then I can and do enjoy swallowing.
I prefer in my vagina, but if he cums in my mouth I always swallow it and I love the feeling and the taste.
I love my husband’s semen. I’ve been swallowing since the mid-80′s! I guess I was silly at first, I didn’t know not to swallow – I thought that if you suck on it and he cums, you swallow. It wasn’t a while later talking to GFs that some girls spit it out. By that time, I was a swallower and wasn’t going to change.
I keep swallowing until it stops coming out.
A lot of times BJs are just foreplay but if they’re the end-all I always swallow. I’m the kind of person that is easily grossed out and it took a while for me to get the guts to try it. My H never suggested it and was quite shocked the 1st time it happened. It doesn’t bother me at all now and there’s no mess afterwards!
We are in our sixties, married thirty years, and have a great sex life including some very loving mutual oral, hubby sucks me and I suck him. I’ve always swallowed his cum and genuinely enjoy its taste (either salty or lemony) and consistency, although while it’s still quite thick and juicy, I don’t get the full mouth full I did when we were in our thirties! I’d never have it any other way, he’d be very hurt if I spat it out, not that I would, it’s a major part of our loving relationship.
Comment by Love Pleasing My Hubby on May 13, 2010 9:15 pm
We are in our early 60′s and my husband loves oral sex and I love pleasing him. A quick shower together with sexual touching sets the scene. He gets especially excited if I stimulate myself or let him do it as I give him oral sex. I love the taste of his semen but do admit that I was queasy at first. For those of you women who are just beginning to explore with your husbands or just married I encourage you to be open to the wonderful pleasures that God has created for us within marriage.
It is no exaggeration to say that there are wives who have swallowed their husband’s semen several hundreds of times over many years of marriage. It is not uncommon for a wife to swallow once or even twice each week. So, over several years of marriage, it adds up. Thus, there are millions of wives here in the US (and many millions more in other countries) who have swallowed their husband’s cum on hundreds of occasions (without any problems).
So, ladies, is there really a need to cling to your mental block that makes you uncomfortable and stresses you so when your husband starts ejaculating inside your mouth, and thus prevents you from enjoying his ejaculation, and simply and easily swallowing at the end of your loving oral sex?! When he starts releasing, and you feel the rapid pulses of semen on your tongue and/or hitting the roof of your mouth, just relax! You know that your fears are only in your mind and that you can command them to leave your mind. Do not be fixated on the thoughts “he is pumping/shooting his semen into my mouth“, or “this is going to be gross“, or “this is demeaning or degrading to me“. It is this mental over thinking that prevents you from letting go, and just relaxing during his ejaculation. Try putting your fears aside for your next few sessions of oral sex, and see if you do not have a much easier and more enjoyable time with it. (We think you will!) If after the next few sessions of your fellatio, you are feeling a little less fearful but are still not completely comfortable with all aspects of it, give it a few more tries.
Comment by deejee33 on July 30, 2008 9:59 am
One of the biggest hurdles that I have had to get over is my pre-concieved notion of “being used”. Just in the past couple of years (we’ve been married 10) I have been able to retrain my thoughts from “being used” to “giving pleasure” to my husband. I would do it for him, but would not enjoy it. However, i have started enjoying it because I know that HE’s enjoying it. I think this negative attitude stemmed from seeing porn pictures where the woman was indeed “being used”. (Another reason to stay away from that stuff!)
I also have a very strong gag reflex…so on those days when even brushing my teeth is making me gag, I try to pleasure him in other way. But I have found that steady, deep breathing helps me overcome any gagging. What also helps is when we 69…or reverse 69 (even better), because I can concentrate on my own sensations too. It actually makes me want him in my mouth even more!
Thanks for opening a discussion about this very sensitive, but important topic!!
Crimsonia July 11, 2011 at 12:50 PM
Is the thought of swallowing a bit of semen REALLY that horrible?
Yes, I swallow…. It is an extreme turn on for my Husband and I love seeing Him sexually excited.
Try this the next time you give oral sex to your husband:
Give yourself permission. Tell him at the outset that you will “finish the job” and he can help you to get him there, and let you know he is “going to cum”, so you can be ready, and not be taken by surprise. Then, with confidence, controlling how much of his penis you take in to your mouth, receive his ejaculation (short or long, with small or large volume of semen) and simply swallow. This gets you past the fear fast! (We strongly urge middle aged wives to take this approach as once you experience how easy it is to do, you won’t refuse your husband oral sex any longer.) Wives who try this find accepting and swallowing the ejaculate quickly becomes easier with a little practice and experience.
Make the effort.
It is a small investment of time and effort to achieve the desired comfort level that then lasts for the rest of your life. Think about that! The effort is worth it. When your husband suggests or requests oral sex, you won’t cringe with fear or anxiety, but will easily and enthusiastically perform it and will enjoy the excitement and the sensations - including freely accepting his strong ejaculation and swallowing his cum - right along with him. (Many wives, with experience, become enthusiastic swallowers.)
Here is a comment from a middle aged wife who finally over came her fears.
Comment by Tommygirl on September 20, 2010 12:31 pm
you know what they say about your fears…you can’t get passed them until you face them. Share with your husband that you are trying, ask him to maybe signal you clearly so it won’t take you by surprise and then be the little engine that could. “I think I can I thin I can I think I can.”
I have been married 20 years and didn’t start swallowing until about 4 months ago. I can’t tell you what it means to my husband to have me do this for him and I now find it a huge turn on as well. I wish I had been doing it all along but I had a mental block. Now I can’t wait to pleasure him in this way.
Best of Luck!
Wives, you might find it hard to visualize now, but there may come a time when you eagerly look forward to experiencing his ejaculation inside your mouth, feeling the penis throbbing, anticipating and then feeling the (several) pulses of his warm cum flooding into your mouth, and swallowing at the end of your loving fellatio, as you will value the deep emotional intimacy of the act. Participating and sharing in his climax (which you helped bring about) will be very special for you, . . . and for him. The connection with your husband – as he is ejaculating and you are sucking - is both immediate and intense. This connection is not just physical, it is emotional as well. (If you can, try looking up in to his eyes at this time!) That is the magic of your loving oral sex.
Why this matters
Your loving fellatio is important to your husband. The oral sex you give to him means more to him than just exciting and intense physical sensations. You are showing him a deep level of trust and acceptance and respect that is not so easily shown in other ways in your marriage. You are freely allowing yourself to be very vulnerable during the act as a tangible demonstration of your trust and acceptance of your husband. You are also giving of yourself throughout the entire act for his pleasure. He knows this. There is a real immediacy to the connection you share with your husband as you playfully caress, stroke, kiss, lick, and suck his penis and lovingly caress his testes. He is also vulnerable during the act. But, you both trust and respect each other. You, the wife, are careful to give him this pleasure in a gentle and tender way, so that you do not hurt him by being careless with your teeth on his penis (head or shaft), or by fondling, cradling, squeezing, or scratching his testes with too much force or pressure. As well, your husband refrains from trying to rush you, or to force your head down on to his penis. He lets you take in only as much of his penis as you are comfortably able to. He does not try to thrust deeper into your mouth as that will cause you discomfort, and likely trigger your gag reflex.
All during your loving oral sex you are sharing a connection with each other. Your husband appreciates this trust and acceptance that you show him (even if he does not say so). You, his wife, are communicating to him that you love his penis and respect and honor his masculinity. This is important psychologically for the husband to know – that his wife values his manhood and his masculinity. (In a sense, at a deep, primal level, ejaculating inside your mouth at the end of your loving fellatio reaffirms his view of himself as a man. You have helped to give him confidence as a man.) This trust and acceptance and love for him reaches its climax (no pun intended) when you freely accept his ejaculation and swallow his semen. (You would not do this for any other man in the world!) That is the exclamation point you place on your loving and playful oral sex. As well, the shared intimacy, the vulnerability for both spouses, and the giving on the part of the wife, are all at their greatest during ejaculation as the wife participates in it as she accepts each pulse!! (That is why I have argued for accepting the ejaculation and swallowing in the above paragraphs.)
Here is a relevant comment from a wife.
I love the sort of satisfaction my husband seems to get from me swallowing
This next comment is from an unmarried woman. We do not condone sex outside of marriage. This comment is reproduced here as it is very insightful and can be helpful to wives. Note the beautiful giving attitude throughout. This one comment makes the case persuasively. (As mentioned above, when approached with a giving attitude, oral sex is enjoyable for the giver, and for the receiver.)
Giving my boyfriend oral is a huge turn on for me. I absolutely love it because he absolutely loves it. I know that it makes him feel good when I do it and I actually encourage him to cum in my mouth because its very intimate. I don’t mind the way he tastes or the texture, I enjoy swallowing because it feels like its a special gift I can give my lover.
To reject his ejaculation – either by removing his penis from your mouth prior to it, or by quickly spitting the ejaculate out after he is done – would be completely out of character with all that you have already done. Removing the penis from your mouth causes a very great reduction in the pleasurable sensations your husband is experiencing, and can make it difficult for him to ejaculate completely. Hand stroking is not as stimulating as sucking. My experiences and the comments I have seen from other husbands confirm this. There is a big drop off in stimulation that is no fun, and it can be more difficult to ejaculate fully. Sucking before and during ejaculation makes the entire process flow more smoothly, and the ejaculating is easy and much more pleasurable because of the stronger sensations!! (By stronger sensations, we mean the more intense and exciting stimulation of the penis by sucking, and the stronger (internal) contractions and longer pulses (streams of semen) experienced during ejaculation.) The visual aspect is very exciting for the man as well – seeing his wife playfully participating in the ejaculation, sucking away, and accepting his shots, is “hot”. All this together is pretty intense for the husband. Thus, most men, at the end of oral sex, prefer ejaculating strongly inside their wife’s mouth rather than in her hands, or on her breasts, face, or elsewhere. Also, your husband will normally have a stronger, more complete ejaculation through continued sucking.
Why is this so?, you may ask. The brief interruption in stimulation as you remove his penis from your mouth, followed by the reduced stimulation from your hand stroking at the critical time when his body is internally contracting to expel the semen distorts, and to a certain extent frustrates, the ejaculatory process. Consider, if you were about to orgasm and your husband suddenly stopped his stimulation and then resumed with much less intense stimulation for you. Physiologically, the man’s body is designed such that the ejaculatory process, once it starts, is (optimally) not interrupted or slowed down. It is critical to maintain stimulation to ensure the process proceeds normally and hence completely. This process consists of 2 major segments. The first is when the sperm is pulled up by suction as it were (from the testes, which may now draw up closer to his abdomen, and his erection may become even firmer) into an internal reservoir and mixes with the semen from the prostate and other male glands. Your husband feels this happening and knows that ejaculation is not only imminent but inevitable – he is at the “point of no return”. (He should be signalling you he is ready to ejaculate at this point!) The second (and better known) segment of the process (which follows quickly) is the series of rapid and intense (involuntary) muscle contractions that forcefully pump the semen (now with sperm) from this internal reservoir through his penis and out in several pulses or spurts. (This is the ejaculation proper. You have felt and likely seen this many times already.) If you interrupt (or lessen) your stimulation at the point of no return, as the body is transitioning to the second phase, it does make it harder for him to ejaculate normally, fully and completely. The brain is suddenly (abruptly) receiving less intense stimuli and thus may send weaker signals to his uro-genital muscles causing weaker, and perhaps fewer, contractions. (This is not a process that you can turn off and on like a light switch.) This may, in some instances, even result in some of the semen not being pumped out from the reservoir – an incomplete ejaculation. (If your husband normally has from 7 to 10 spurts, he may only experience 5 or 6, and these may be weaker.) You want him to have a complete and more satisfying (pleasurable) ejaculation, therefore continue sucking his penis as he ejaculates.
As well, emotionally, if you quickly remove his penis and do not accept his ejaculation, you are saying to your husband that you were only going through the motions, and that your fear was more important to you than your love for him. You do not honor your husband’s masculinity and virility when you refuse to accept his ejaculation inside your mouth. Also, spitting out his sperm in disgust, or even doing so very calmly after a moment or two, without any visible distaste or negative reaction, is also hurtful to your husband. Consider: You had just freely accepted it fully inside your mouth while he was ejaculating, and now that he is done you are acting as though you regret having accepted his semen and/or that it was such a bad experience for you! How do you think your husband feels when you do that? At the last possible moment, you reject him. Why would you want to do that?!
Here, for the wives to consider, is a candid and honest comment from a husband.
Comment by krp5 on March 23, 2009 9:27 am
I can understand how wives may well not like, even adhore, the taste and texture of semen.
For me, when my wife sucks and swallows my semen it is such a psychologically powerful symbol/act of total acceptance and desire for me it is beyond description.
Again, one might say that when the loving wife shares and participates in his ejaculation and freely accepts and swallows her husband’s ejaculate, it is an example of the complementarity of her feminine nature and her husband’s masculine nature. Some wives have remarked that they feel more feminine when they do this.
A comment now from a woman that is apropos.
Lisa (a different Lisa)
For me it totally depends on my mood. Sometimes I encourage it and yes it turns me on. Othertimes I’m not really into it but I would never turn him down if that’s what he was in the mood for. It’s a give and take part of the relationship isn’t it?
He does things to me I know he would just as soon not do but if he knows I like it and I want it – then he likes it too.
As we noted above, many husbands like to watch their wife swallowing. (We now expand on this important facet of oral sex.) This is a tangible sign of love and acceptance for the husband. As well, throughout the fellatio, it is very visually erotic and exciting for the husband to see his beautiful wife – fully nude or in lingerie – kneeling in front of him as she licks and sucks his penis. His wife will always appear beautiful to him when she is performing oral sex. Her mouth, eyes, and face in such intimate closeness and contact with his penis is stimulating for him to see. This visual aspect comes into play even more intensely during ejaculation and when she swallows the semen. Then the visual (and mental) excitement for the husband is nearly as pleasing (pleasurable) as the delightful sensations the penis is feeling. (She can make this visual stimulation still better, more meaningful, if she can look up into her husband’s eyes at points during the climax, and when she swallows. By doing so, the shared emotional intimacy is enhanced and intensified. When looking into his eyes, (and sucking) as he ejaculates, the wife is saying/showing that she is an equal participant in the climax. His ejaculation is not complete without her active participation! Making eye contact while swallowing (easier to do) says to him that she is comfortable swallowing his cum, even when there is a large volume of it.) Husbands notice, appreciate and are thrilled when the wife enthusiastically accepts and swallows a large load completely. The confidence and persistence and loving acceptance she shows is valued by her husband. This visual “turn-on” or “rush” is emotional as well as physical! Wives, please note: It may be part of the male psychology or male ego, but many men experience a certain (extra) satisfaction when they see their wife “struggling” to accept and swallow all of an especially large cum load. This likely has 2 aspects. 1. The husband feels (himself to be) more virile, more masculine when he forcefully ejaculates for his wife such a large volume of semen that she has difficulty accepting and controlling (all of) it, and some spills out over her lips, and she needs (takes) more time swallowing it. This in no way is a negative about you, nor detracts from your loving efforts!! Rather, the man feels good about his performance, about his extra strong ejaculation. This first aspect is about him. And, 2. Seeing that his wife desires all of his ejaculate – even when it is a challenge for her to keep all of it in her mouth whilst he is ejaculating, and of a volume that then requires multiple swallows, multiple efforts by her to take it all down - reassures him even more strongly (in a sense) of her deep love and acceptance of him as a man. This second aspect is about you. Thus, wives, by accepting and then swallowing his ejaculate (all that you have been able to keep in your mouth – even if a larger volume than you prefer), you are lovingly blessing your husband with intense and fulfilling pleasure – emotionally, mentally and physically!
Here are 3 comments from wives on this visual aspect of the ejaculation and swallowing.
I’ve always swallowed. Now, I love seeing the look on my husband’s face as our eyes are locked on the other’s and he shoots his streams of cum into my mouth. It’s just magical.
I love it when he comes in my mouth. If it’s in the back of the throat you don’t even taste it, it just slides right down. It actually turns me on hugely to see how much he enjoys it.
texasangel76 June 22, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Apparently I’m in the minority. I have no problem swallowing. It’s not that big of a deal and my husband thinks it’s hot.
Here are comments about large ejaculations.
LoriLadybug (in her 30s)
I swallow about 3/4 of the time, the other time i spit it or put it on my face. My husband sometimes produces abnormally large amounts of semen and I cant swallow it all fast enough so I have to spit
For those times that Lori is directing the last shots on to her face, once he has finished ejaculating, she could (if she wants) move the ejaculate into her mouth for swallowing. The issue for her is not swallowing the cum, but being unable to comfortably accept (receive) and control a very large load from her husband.
I’ve also learned a little trick–my husband cums ALOT and it is almost impossible to swallow that much, so after he cums, I give a few final “lollipop” licks and some of the cum will simply drip back on him (which I will then clean up with a warm washcloth). the good part of this is that he doesn’t have a clue how much I swallow or don’t swallow.
. . . if I had a choice in the matter (and I don’t) I’d prefer that the amount of cum be what I can comfortably swallow without gagging or spitting any out. I know it makes a man feel virile and masculine to shoot so much of a wad that his partner can’t take it all . . .
Jannae (a young wife)
I LOVE swallowing semen whilst giving a blow job and I love it when there’s a lot of it.
Here is a very relevant comment from a wife about at first spitting and then swallowing for her husband. She found that swallowing the cum was better for her and her husband – a win-win situation.
(“DH” means ditto head, a slang term for husband.)
When I first had oral sex I would spit it out, and then over time I thought why not try swallowing it. I did and I really like the taste, and my DH also liked the fact that I would swallow his cum. He said it turned him on. Before I started swallowing I would go to the bathroom and spit it out, but over time I came to realize that, for my DH, it looked like I was disgusted with the oral act and so I now swallow and it is really enjoyable for the both of us. .
(As noted above, some wives continue gently sucking and licking his “deflating” penis, after swallowing, to keep the post ejaculation intimacy and emotional closeness going for a while.)
If you absolutely cannot swallow, then at least discretely remove the semen from your mouth. We think it is much better to have a glass of water or juice nearby for drinking after swallowing, than to spit. (This helps relieve any lingering texture concerns in your throat.) The minimal effort in swallowing shows your husband greater acceptance. Here are 3 comments from wives that may help some women.
Peter’s devoted wife
“DH has recently achieved being able to come in my mouth and he tastes fine but I still can’t swallow. So I’ve figured out a technique to spit without being obvious. DH didn’t even know I was spitting until I asked if it offended him, “You spit??? I thought you swallowed.” One day I hope to be able to swallow and enjoy it but there’s no rush because we’ve got something that works for us.”
Comment by beatlemom on June 4, 2010 5:30 pm
I’m not a huge fan of swallowing, but my husband really likes me too so I do my best to do it for him. I at least hold it in my mouth under my tongue until he is done and then spit it in a towel. I don’t taste it that way, but it still feels to him like I swallowed and as long as I don’t make a face or act disgusted he is fine with that. . . . . . I have also found keeping a piece of candy in my mouth not only adds to the amount of saliva I have (makes it feel better to him) it also helps with the taste at the end. So just a thought.
I too have to agree with all the above. I personally like to swallow, but for some reason sometimes I do gag. So when this happens I don’t Stop I just simply have him cum on my face and breast, I even rub it all over me which he loves very much too. I do that so he knows I don’t hate it. Every once in a while you have to try something different. If you don’t like it and want to learn to like it take your time on it. Swallow once in a while, and then try other ways, start with the oral sex then have intercourse. But don’t feel like you are forced to swallow, that is simply wrong. I had a friend who hated it, then she asked me if I did it? I told her yes, it’s great to swallow it’s not that bad. I guess her husband was asking her to swallow because a few months later she asked how could I do that, she can’t stand it. once again I told her it’s not that bad, I didn’t just do it and liked it! I had to start learning slowly. So that was 2 years ago, on this day she loves to swallow, she says it took her too long but now doesn’t mind it at all.
So do what is best for you. You are the one who makes that decision..it’s your body, your mouth…
Ladies, if you are experiencing soreness in your jaw and/or neck fatigue because he takes too long to orgasm, the comments and suggestions in the “because he’s worth it” essay (linked to above) can help. As suggested there, if needed, you can even try engaging in intercourse until he is close to cumming, and then have him pull out and finish in your mouth as you suck his penis during the ejaculation. That way - without the discomfort and/or the protracted effort - you share with your husband the intimacy and excitement of his climax, and can easily taste, feel and swallow the cum (sensations which many wives enjoy!). This is a workable option for you and your husband if you have such discomfort in performing oral sex, or are not up to it for any reason.
Here is a comment that addresses this challenge of jaw discomfort.
Comment by setteriknow on November 14, 2008 2:09 am
I totally agree with the hand-job and licking portion, as it seems my jaw gets tired quickly. I also throw in prostate massage. With the HJ and looking at him and whispering for him to release, I wait until he’s close and then take him in my mouth and swallow, which guarantees NO complaints even though he’s not in my mouth very long.
Good luck and don’t feel pressure as your husband loves you, loves your touch and will be happy with however you please him!
Consider that when you share and participate in his ejaculation by welcoming all the pulses (of his warm semen) inside your warm, wet mouth as you continue sucking (vigorously), you are affectionately demonstrating complete acceptance of him. As well, you are showing a willingness to give him complete and total access to (possession of) an intimate part of your body, your mouth, because you love and trust him. You are making love to your husband with your mouth, lips, and tongue – and the lovemaking is not complete without his climax. Your mouth is pleasing, embracing, and sheltering his penis while he ejaculates away. Your soft tongue is caressing the underside of his hard penis, tickling its head, enhancing his sensations, as he lets go and pumps his load into your mouth. And, in readily and joyously swallowing his semen, you, his wife, are saying “I even love your cum (semen, sperm), because it is yours.”
Consider this seriously – what are you communicating to your husband? Love, respect and acceptance, or needless fear and rejection?
Back to the main theme of this addendum . . . .
And, ladies, when you do not feel up to intercourse (for whatever reason(s)), fellatio will be the easy and fun option that works for both of you – any time and every time. Many wives perform fellatio for their husbands during their menstruation, readily and easily swallowing every time.
Thanks for reading and kindly pass this on to any young, or not so young, newlyweds you know who may benefit from it. As well, ladies, if one of your close friends or relatives has confided to you that she is having difficulties in this area, kindly share the link to this essay with her. She may thank you later for helping her to improve the quality of the lovemaking in her marriage.
Has this been helpful to you? Feel free to submit a comment.