marriage (with a little sex and a little spice) – part five
∗∗∗∗ Be sure to visit our new marriage and sex page on our blog site. ∗∗∗∗
. . . . . continuing from part four . . . . .
WARNING: DUE TO THE EXPLICIT ADULT NATURE OF THE SUBJECT MATTER TO BE DISCUSSED IN VERY SPECIFIC DETAILS BELOW, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
This essay is not suitable for viewing in the workplace. (We have complied with WordPress guidelines.)
Once again, we want to stress that we believe that sex ought to be saved and reserved for serious, committed, monogamous relationships, ideally for marriage. (We know it is a real world, and the ideal is not always achieved, but it is still worth striving for.) We do not wish this essay to give anyone the erroneous impression that we are advocating, or approving of, casual or promiscuous sex. We are not.
We at larrysmusings realize that our readers fall across the entire spectrum of social, religious, and political thought. Therefore, for some readers the below topic is taboo (or tabu). We must, however, proceed on with stating our views as honestly and openly as we can. We think that is why some of you are here. Agree or disagree (or undecided), the sharing of ideas can be a helpful thing for all, or for most of us. We now complete our coverage of oral sex within a loving marriage. There is already a topic for a “part six” of this series (which will be posted in the next couple of weeks).
We address this specific issue of oral sex within marriage at length because we do not want for this to be an obstacle nor hindrance in any way to marital bliss for both spouses. In some marriages (too many), it is an absurdly and needlessly painful issue for one or the other of the spouses. This need not be so, and we sincerely hope that this essay will prove helpful to couples who may be experiencing problems in this area of marital sexual intimacy. Oral sex is a rich and vibrant form of lovemaking and ought not be avoided nor shunned because of ignorance, or baseless mental (or emotional) fears and inhibitions.
This essay is most relevant for those couples who are engaged or who are recently married. Feel free to forward a link to it on to those you think would benefit from its contents.
Before proceeding, here is a link to a more recent essay that is highly recommended for some good information.
We have put an appendix in to another one of our essays (below the text of the main essay) that includes many comments from women that may be helpful to young wives who are hesitant to perform oral sex for their husband. This appendix is quite long but can be helpful. See it here:
We did not want to overwhelm the readers with too many links back in essay part 3 and we will not include any here. However, we have come across some online surveys (or polls) of women that specifically surveyed attitudes towards performing oral sex. One such survey, with nearly 1,200 responses from women, we make use of here to illustrate a couple of points. (We cannot vouch for the statistical significance of the survey’s results as we do not know how random the population of respondents truly is. But, it is a good sample size albeit it may not be representative of the entire adult female population of the US.) Many of the women (actually most) who participated self identified as Christians.
This survey specifically asked the participant if she swallowed at the end of her fellatio. The results showed that approximately 60 per cent of respondents will swallow their husband’s ejaculate (for various reasons) and of these 60 per cent, nearly half (26 per cent of the total of all respondents) agree with the statement that “yes, I love to do it! All the time!” (That was one of the survey provided answers for those who swallow to select.) The next most often selected response for those who swallow was “Yes, but not all the time” and received about 17 percent of all responses, a bit less than 30 per cent of those who swallow. (It is not made clear why these women in some instances opt not to swallow. Was it because the fellatio was performed as foreplay? Did her husband finish outside of her mouth? Did she simply spit the semen out? Or some combination of those?) After that, the response most selected was Yes, but only to be giving to him. I’m not really keen on it. This received nearly 17 per cent as well. There was a little bit of distortion or noise in this survey as one response that garnered nearly 9 per cent of the total was No, I don’t do oral sex at all. (This was curious given the question above: do you swallow at the end of your fellatio?) Therefore, the percentage of the women who both perform oral sex and who will swallow (for various reasons) is actually a little higher than indicated above.
“No, that’s gross.” This response received between 29 and 30 per cent of the nearly 1,200 total responses in the survey. Many wives simply will not do it, will not even attempt it. These are women who have no difficulty with taking their husband’s penis into their mouth during oral sex (sucking on it, licking it), but just cannot bring themselves to relax and accept the eventual and natural (and not unexpected) outcome of their efforts. Is this due to fear, shame, and/or feelings that accepting his ejaculate inside her mouth is “dirty” or wrong, and/or that her health may be harmed by doing so?
The 2 points of note from these survey results. 1. Clearly, a lot of wives, a very significant percentage, do swallow at the end of their fellatio (and, even if not every time for some, at least in many instances) when the fellatio is being performed to completion and not being used as foreplay to intercourse. 2, We think that the major obstacle for those wives who do not swallow, or are “not really keen on it”, is that of a mental block which can be overcome. (The fears are unfounded. There is no shame in performing fellatio through to its completion. It is not “dirty” or somehow wrong within a loving marriage. Women have been performing oral sex for thousands of years.)
Wives, If your husband is free of venereal diseases (STDs and STIs and HPV), there is no risk to you at all from swallowing his semen. There is nothing toxic or harmful in the seminal fluid. (Julie in her article covered this. Did you do your homework from “part 3” of this series?) Doctors (OB/GYNs) confirm this. Ask yours, if this will help you. (And, do not be hesitant to ask at your next visit to the doctor. Fellatio is a very common practice now. You won’t shock or embarrass her or him. She/he will address your concerns in a professional and confidential manner. If you have a woman gynecologist, she has likely performed fellatio herself and can address your concerns from her personal experiences.) The composition of semen is actually quite healthy containing various minerals and vitamins. Note: sperm cells only make up about 1 per cent (or less) of the volume of the semen. (You can research this for yourselves on the Internet.)
When reviewing the (subjective) comments and remarks of women about their experiences with fellatio, one comes across remarks like this not infrequently (paraphrasing for brevity): “When giving oral to my husband, I feel more feminine than at any other time. I enjoy giving him this pleasure.” Another view that not a few women have put forward is basically this: There is something about oral sex (fellatio) that affirms the husband’s manhood. We quote one anonymous commenter (from early 2012): “The way I feel is that this is the least I can do for him to make him feel better, more virile and more confident as a man.” Similarly, many women remarked to the effect that the man being able to ejaculate inside or into his wife’s mouth was a confidence building experience for him. Also, several women wrote of their opinion that for those times when the husband, having had a very large or lengthy ejaculation, sees his wife “struggling” with the volume (amount) of his ejaculate inside her mouth, he derived some confidence and mental satisfaction from seeing this. The man feels himself to be more masculine and more virile at such times when he sees his thick, white ejaculate spilling over his lover’s lips as she swallows his sperm. In his thinking, he has produced a “load” of semen for her greater than she, as a woman, could “handle”, or easily take on (swallow). (This may have to do with male psychology and the male ego.)
(From a man’s perspective, it is very emotionally gratifying when his wife freely accepts his ejaculation inside her mouth. The physical sensations are very intense and exciting (even thrilling), too. (Most men love the sensations of vigorously releasing their semen deep inside their wife’s warm, wet, sensuous mouth. This is even more gratifying for the man when he knows that she desires this, too.) But, the wife’s acceptance and enjoyment of the man’s climax, her being right there with him as he is ejaculating away, is a very special kind of sharing, a deep intimacy and connection that is difficult to put into words, but is definitely felt by both the man and the woman. It is a shared vulnerability, a sharing of mutual trust, respect and acceptance. As the man vigorously pumps out his semen in each of several pleasurable spurts, his loving and playful wife is reacting to and accepting (welcoming) each spurt as she continues her sucking and/or licking. These are magical moments. And, ladies, it is true that the man (most times) wants to deliver for his wife as large a volume of semen as he can.)
As to the specifics and mechanics of finishing the fellatio, with a little experience and some confidence gained, most young wives usually experience little or no problems at all when completing their loving fellatio by freely receiving and accepting their husband’s ejaculation (his semen, also now widely known by the slang term “cum”) inside their mouth. This is generally true even when her husband experiences a lengthy, full ejaculation and produces a large volume of semen (which happens not infrequently with a young husband). Readers, please note the remarks in the following several paragraphs are really most applicable to those wives who have not mastered “deep throating” their husband’s penis during his ejaculation. This is not easy to do for many wives (due to sensitivity of gag reflex, size of her mouth, girth of his penis), and the wife ought not feel badly if she cannot do it. “Deep throating” is really not necessary. ****The wife’s comfort is very important at this time.**** Certainly, she can comfortably enjoy the finish to her fellatio without deep throating. So, keep in mind, the quite explicit remarks below are directed to when she simply accepts her husband’s ejaculation inside her mouth, and not in her throat. We discuss this at length and try to address the concerns of women while providing some helpful information and tips to help them at the time of their husband’s forceful ejaculation. With practice, ejaculation can be enjoyable for both spouses! (Once you overcome the mental block about having semen in your mouth and swallowing it, your fellatio naturally becomes easier and much more enjoyable for you, the wife. Then the physical aspects of his ejaculation, both accepting and swallowing a large load of cum, are manageable.)
Young wives, it needs to be said, you are, at times, facing a challenge when it comes to swallowing for your husband (when that is what you both want!). In most cases, the young wife with a young husband (20s or 30s) is receiving and accepting significantly(!!) more semen than the middle-aged wife with a husband in his 50s. You, the young wife, generally speaking, are experiencing (receiving) more pulses (“shots”) of semen inside your mouth – – – and these several pulses from your young husband can be – and often are – longer in time duration, thereby yielding even more thick semen(!) – – – than the middle-aged wife experiences. As well, these not so short pulses (spurts) of cum can be rapidly firing off (in very quick succession) inside your mouth with greater force behind them.
So ladies, yes, this very rapid and forceful ejaculating deep inside your mouth, and the large volume of semen you are accepting, combined with the penis (that at time of ejaculation has swollen even larger and is firmer, especially the head) are challenges to deal with; but as said above, with some experience with fellatio, there should be little or no problems for you. Continue sucking and stroking while he is ejaculating helps the process go more smoothly and easily for you, and is necessary for your husband to have a complete ejaculation. (As discussed below, more frequent lovemaking will help to lessen the volume of semen that your husband gives you. Keep that in mind, if his output (of semen) during your fellatio is too much for you.)
The preferred position to be in for fellatio is on your knees (with a folded towel or pillow under the knees) and he is standing in front of you. This not only serves to lessen neck and jaw strain for you, but also helps your husband to ejaculate more easily and reduces the strain during ejaculation on his abdominal muscles (which are weaker and more prone to injury than his leg muscles). As well, this position makes it easier to note the changes in his body as he nears his climax. Some women will tie or pin their hair back in a bun or pony tail so that it does not get in the way or distract them during their fellatio. This also helps to keep any spurting semen out of their hair.
Before starting, ask your husband to signal you when he is getting close. (A simple, gentle tap on the shoulder, or a verbal cue will do.) This is very important because if you are abruptly taken by surprise you may gag or start coughing, etc. That is not fair to you! You do not want the semen going down your windpipe or up into your nose. Being ready for his climax allows you to exercise some measure of control in the process, you can manage (“womanage”?) the process in a sense, and thus you are free to enjoy it right along with him.
Also, wives, you can notice and be aware of the visible, physical signs that forewarn of his approaching ejaculation: his testes in the scrotum will tend to pull up toward his body a bit (you may see this, or feel it happening if you are gently cupping his balls in one hand, or caressing them, or are (from time to time) playfully tugging on, or lightly scratching, the scrotum (the sack of skin that encloses the balls)); and the penis (cock) shaft and head (especially) may swell noticeably larger and become firmer (you can feel this occurring inside your mouth and with your lips, or see this if you remove your mouth for a few seconds’ rest, and this occurs for both circumscised men and non-circumcised men); and some very light, clear, and mild tasting fluid (known as “pre-cum”) may start leaking from the opening (meatus) in the head of his penis (again, your tongue will alert you to the presence of this fluid). Just prior to climax, your husband may start thrusting away independent of your caresses. All these signs point to rapidly approaching ejaculation. Not all of them are always apparent during oral sex, but some of these signs will be noticeable, especially the testes (balls) tightening up towards his abdomen. (And, do include some “ball play” in your fellatio. Gently play with them now and again.)
If your husband is uncircumcised, you have more options in how you suck and stroke his penis. You can leave his foreskin retracted while you suck on the exposed head of his cock (if needed, encircle and hold the foreskin with your thumb and index finger). You can involve the foreskin in your sucking and stroking such that it partially retracts during your stroking and sucking, and then comes forward again as you establish a rhythm. Or, you can try different approaches in the same fellatio session for variety. Ask him what he enjoys most. (Generally, when he ejaculates his foreskin will retract if his shots are pulsing out while his penis is thrust forward to its deepest point in your mouth or throat. This “perfect timing” is not always achieved in fellatio. He can ejaculate even if the foreskin is partly or mostly covering the head of his penis (as on the “out stroke”), but some of the semen may then be dripping down your lips and chin, and/or be pooling in the front of your mouth.)
Our message for the young husbands, particularly those who ejaculate very strongly from the fellatio, is that you need to be considerate of your wife and work with her so that she does not feel overwhelmed by the force and/or volume of your ejaculation. Couples can make adjustments and compromises so that the woman’s comfort and enjoyment are not lessened nor impaired by feeling as if she is “drowning” from a mouth full of semen. As said in an earlier essay, open communication, trust, and respect are the keys! As well, do not believe the marketing hype. You do not need the male performance supplements to increase the volume of your ejaculation. If you are young and healthy (eating a good, natural diet and drinking plenty of water), you are already producing plenty of semen. If you use a product that does work, and even half way lives up to its claims, you may be overwhelming or “drowning” her in your cum. That may be an ego boost for you at the time – that you produced more cum than she could easily handle – but it will not be enjoyable for your wife. (Those wives, who enjoy the sensations of the ejaculating penis inside their mouth, and/or also like the taste and enjoy swallowing, often like when there is a larger, but not excessive, volume of cum.)
Also, guys, to make the fellatio easier and more enjoyable for her, shave your pubic area regularly (weekly or so), and make sure to come to the marital bed clean, having washed or showered recently. (If you are natural, meaning uncut as nature intended, gently wash your foreskin area prior to fellatio.) This also shows respect to your wife. These small things can make a big difference to her enjoyment of the act. And, you want her to enjoy it, don’t you?! You better, as she will likely do it more often for you if she enjoys it more.
Okay, young wives, you have been playfully performing your loving fellatio, really getting into it and aggressively sucking his cock to help bring him to ejaculation, noticing the changes in his body and he has just given you warning, and – not surprisingly – your husband is now ejaculating forcefully inside your mouth and is quickly filling it with his warm, thick, possibly salty or even mildly sweet, cum. You welcome this and are enjoying the exciting sensations. (You may be keeping one hand on his balls, gently cupping or cradling them, or caressing them as he ejaculates. Some men prefer this as the extra stimulation during his contractions can help to make for a more powerful and complete ejaculation. You, the wife, want your husband to have a complete ejaculation.) You soon realize that he is having a lengthy ejaculation. As well, you know your limits, and can quite easily open your mouth a little more (on his “out strokes”, when your mouth is moving rapidly along to the top of the penis’ shaft and on to the head of his cock) to let any “excess” semen drain or leak away during his (lengthy) ejaculatory process. And, ladies, you really need not feel that it is necessary, or expected of you, to keep or contain his entire semen load completely within your mouth for the entire time. (It is not necessary to achieve that. You are not training for a sexual Olympics. Do not struggle trying to do this, and forget about what runs out of your mouth.) As noted above, when he sees his cum running down your chin and on to your breasts, your husband will likely think he has given you a very masculine, very virile ejaculation in response to your loving efforts. So, do not fret over this. But, the fact that you are freely accepting and allowing his entire ejaculatory process to occur inside your warm, wet, sensuous mouth is very important both physically (withdrawing his penis from your mouth greatly reduces the pleasurable sensations he experiences whilst ejaculating away – hand stroking through his ejaculation is a very poor substitute to your continued sucking!) and emotionally (your acceptance of him) for your husband. So let him pump away as long as he can, just don’t worry about, or struggle with, keeping all the semen inside your mouth.
And remember ladies: be sure to swallow as much of his cum as you comfortably and easily can!!! (Meaning: what is already inside your mouth – musky, salty or sweet – simply swallow. That is actually the easiest and quickest way to remove it from your mouth. Playfully lapping up any cum around your lips and swallowing it is a nice way to wind down your fellatio, and gives your husband a nice visual treat as he comes off of his ejaculation rush. Why is this so important? Because it very tangibly shows your husband that you totally accept him and everything about him without reservation. In other words, your (enthusiastic) swallowing is the exclamation point you give to your tender, playful and loving fellatio! You are in essence saying to your husband: “I love you! I love your penis! And, I even love and enjoy what comes out of your penis – your cum (because it is yours)!” You, the feminine wife, are embracing and honoring his masculinity, his manhood and his virility. Men deeply value and cherish such loving, playful wives.
Please, no pulling an unhappy face, spitting into a tissue, or running to the bathroom to spit his ejaculate out. Rather than show such hurtful disgust (to your husband) at the end of the act, it is better not to agree to perform the act to completion in the first place. (If you want, feel free to keep a glass of water or juice nearby for drinking when you are done as this serves to remove any residual semen taste – if that is a concern for you.)
As noted above, young wives, there is no risk to you in swallowing his semen (provided he is free of sexually transmitted infections. So, let go of your needless hesitation and enjoy the moment. Over come the totally baseless mental block as so many wives have. Once you do, you will quite naturally enjoy swallowing and then the entire act of fellatio becomes stress free for you, and thus you can enjoy it. Swallowing will become so natural for you to do, that you will not even give it a second thought.
It is not uncommon for a wife to swallow once or twice each week. There are millions of wives here in the US (and many millions more in other countries) who have swallowed their husband’s cum on hundreds of occasions (without any problems). So, ladies, is there really a need to cling to your mental block that makes you uncomfortable and stresses you so when your husband starts ejaculating inside your mouth, and thus prevents you from simply and easily swallowing at the end of your fellatio?! When he starts releasing and you feel the rapid pulses of semen on your tongue,just relax! You know that your fears are only in your mind and that you can command them to leave your mind. Try putting your fears aside for a few sessions of fellatio, and see if you do not have a much easier and more enjoyable time with it!
Many wives have commented that at first they had some significant reluctance and hesitancy towards taking the act the full way. But, when they gave it a try, and stayed with it, in a fairly short time they became very comfortable with it and began to enjoy it for themselves. (You were probably a bit frightened when you had your first swimming lessons as a child. But, now you dive into the water without a second thought!) Fellatio becomes much easier in all ways with a little practice!
If you encounter serious problems with the semen taste and texture making you gag or feel uncomfortable, you could try to take his penis further into your mouth and close to, if not in, your throat (and esophagus) as he begins ejaculating. If you can do this, the seminal fluid will pulse down your throat (directly down to your stomach) and bypass your taste buds all together. Alternatively, as “deep throating” is not easy for many women, you can try something easier such as putting mints or tic tacs or a piece of chocolate into your mouth as you begin your fellatio. Ask your husband to cut back on tobacco use and to eat more fruits and drink more fruit juices as that may help. Drinking more water may help to “thin” the semen out. Most women say they got used to the taste or that is was not a major issue (see comments below). And, some women say that there is not much taste to their husband’s semen. Some wives (and it is not a tiny minority) even find the uniqueness of the semen taste mildly to highly erotic for them. (One sees remarks (on Internet marriage and sex sites) such as “I love the taste.” and “I love to swallow cum.” quite often.) Some women note the musky or salty or even tangy, sweet taste of the warm cum is pleasant for them. They say it is an “acquired” taste. For those wives who come to love the taste, keeping the semen in their mouth until he is finished ejaculating, and then, without any pressure or feeling rushed, simply swallowing is often what works best for them. (Other comments along these lines “I enjoy feeling the penis throbbing and the warm cum spurting in my mouth.” are seen not infrequently.) In time, you may find that you enjoy the taste, and will then naturally look forward to being able to swallow for him.
Here we believe it is appropriate to quote at length the comments from 3 wives so as to help any lady readers who are still having some difficulty with the idea of swallowing their husband’s ejaculate. There is a fourth comment from a young wife, Michelle, that is having a problem and we offer some suggestions to help her. (Emphasis by bold font, colored text, and underlining is ours.)
Comment by StarKitten on September 16, 2010, 2:52 pm
Oh my goodness I love doing this. Of course the taste is not what it is all about but oh my goodness it is so sexy to have your husband’s penis in your mouth. I have a fascination with it and use a mirror to watch myself. I did this several times when we married before we ever had intercourse (we were still traveling). I cannot imagine many more things as hot and sexy to me and of course to him. Swallowing goes with the territory and is as much of an aphrodisiac as watching myself do it. Again about the taste, could care less, the act of it is what I get into, also how much pleasure he gets out of it, it is such a blessing to be able to so easily and quickly please my husband in such a simple manner. I will go one further, I also immensely enjoy the texture, not so much in my mouth when it is shot in but when I am playing with it, even lapping it up the texture is better and arousing. My husband is open to doing anything as a couple so we play together to the point of enjoying one another’s enjoyment if that makes sense. Another thing I noticed is our kissing is out of this world when I do this, anyone else get this? And my husband recovers the fastest from this than any other thing we do so we are able to do more and more often with oral. He gets so turned own afterward when I am cleaning up that he stays semi hard and rock hard soon after. This is normal I suppose? I am learning better technique as well so maybe that is helping.
Comment by sweetgirl on September 20, 2010 12:47 am
I cannot believe so many gals here say it is gross. That is a shocker. In my realm of friends and family it is very normal, very common and very practical. I do not know about you ladies, but intercourse as often as my husband would like is just not practical, oral on the other hand is the perfect way to please my man and be able to do it frequently and quickly.
As far as swallowing it I voted Yes but not all the time, swallowing comes with the territory for easy clean up depending on when and where I am. If we do not have to be conscious of the clean up, then we both prefer to let it run out of my mouth.
You may want to add flavor to the mix; I add chocolate, raspberry, cherry, strawberry, etc. Not only does it help with taste issues it obviously helps with texture. And Ditto on the Pineapple Juice!!!
Over the years discussing sex with family, friends, and counseling I have noticed the aversion to semen is more in the mind than anything, like any fear or phobia it can be overcome with patience, hard work, and diligence. So ask yourself is my man worth it? I know mine is, I hope and pray your is as well.
Comment by midwestgirl
It’s a different but great feeling. Something about the anticipation, texture, warmth and, for me anyway, the taste. It’s a very intimate moment if you don’t let yourself get hung up mentally.
Comment by Michelle on September 16, 2010 7:26 pm
I love giving my husband oral pleasure!! He would like me to swallow but I just can’t get to that point. I want to please him and I would appreciate any tips on getting past the gag factor. I don’t mind the taste it is the texture and the amount that made me gag once and I have been afraid to try it again. Thanks for any tips!!
Ladies, young wives, PLEASE do not let one bad experience stop you from becoming experienced and skilled and very comfortable with oral sex!!
Michelle’s fear can be overcome with a little effort and practice. Her young husband is ejaculating with good force and large output from her oral play because she is doing it well.
One possible solution for Michelle is to try a different position for her fellatio. If the problem occurs when she is over his penis as he is lying down, she could instead try kneeling (on a pillow) in front of him and suck him while he is standing. The different angle of her mouth and throat vis-a-vis his penis may help her “on getting past the gag factor”.
Additionally, as it appears she has a sensitive gag reflex, and likely is not ready to try “deep throating”, we suggest that she place her tongue over the tip of his penis (her tongue can touch the roof of her mouth) when he starts ejaculating and continue hand stroking his penis. This will help protect her throat and avoid any gagging, and some semen will drain or run out of her mouth so that the volume will not be so much for her. Also, she can suggest to her husband to drink more water during the day as this may serve to thin his semen a bit. “Texture” concerns are generally with cum that is too thick and “heavy” feeling. (More frequent ejaculations can help here, too. As these will serve to lessen the “amount” per ejaculation and tend to thin the semen. Michelle can thus help herself by engaging in more frequent lovemaking with her husband. Ladies, please note, young husbands need sex frequently. The fact is that their bodies are producing semen continuously and in copious amounts. If Michelle has not had sex with her husband in 2 or 3 days, and then performs oral sex for him, she can expect (to receive) a larger load of cum.)
Alternatively, Michelle could (with her hands on his shaft) be keeping just the tip inside her lips (her lips just covering the head with no shaft inside her mouth) as her husband releases, and be opening her lips some between spurts. This should help reduce the force of his spurts hitting the back of her mouth and throat, and allows for semen drainage during ejaculation. With a little practice, Michelle could then be more comfortable (and mentally relaxed) as she is receiving (accepting) the shots during his ejaculation, and then easily (without any pressure) swallow all that is in her mouth at the end. As well, she could, as sweetgirl indicated above, swallow in some sessions and in others (if she feels there is too much) simply let the semen run out of her mouth. Michelle’s husband would very likely be okay with this as he probably desires most of all to be able to freely ejaculate inside her mouth without her gagging and having difficulties (which would cause him unpleasant distraction during his ejaculation). But, her unwillingness to try again because of the mental fear is the biggest obstacle!
Ladies, making eye contact with your husband during your fellatio, at intervals, is a good way to enhance the emotional aspect of the experience and deepen the shared intimacy of the act. And, more so, if you can do this for a second, now and again, during his climax (ejaculation). It is not easy at first, to be sure, but definitely worth trying. Another small gesture that enhances the experience is to smile a little after he is done. (Remember, the act is supposed to be fun for both of you.) Let him know that you welcome and appreciate (and enjoy) his climax. (As another twist to add a little visual variety for your husband, you can opt for wearing some makeup during your fellatio. Eye shadow and lipstick or lip gloss are enough to add some spice to the experience for him.)
Fellatio truly can be a beautiful bonding experience for the two of you. Many wives greatly enjoy – even relish – sharing and participating in their husband’s climax in such an intimate way.
The moral of this story so far: The range of expression of the shared sexual love between the spouses ought not be unduly restricted or limited. Husbands love your wives. Wives (tenderly) love your husbands. (Another lesson to take from this is that Christians can have hot and joyous sex in their marriages.)
One last point that we feel we should mention. There have been some concerns about (the risk of) throat cancer being caused by fellatio. Please note: it is not that the act of fellatio, by itself, poses such risks. The culprit is the HP Virus, at least those strains of it that can cause cancer. There is much concern with women being infected. Heterosexual men contract the strains of HPV from infected women, and thus are able to infect future female sex partners. And, men seem to be more susceptible to contracting HPV when they perform oral sex on their female partners than women are when they perform oral sex (fellatio).
If your husband has not been exposed to the strains of HPV that can cause cancer, there is no risk of this for you. If his penis is thus free from the strains of HP Virus that are responsible for causing cancer, there is no risk of harm to you by performing fellatio. Past sexual history is therefore a crucial factor here. Not every man has been exposed to HPV, but it is out there and more prevalent you might think. Currently, there is no approved reliable test for men to determine if they have strains of HPV. (Please note also that an increased risk of throat cancer does not mean that if your husband has these strains of HPV you are certain to get cancer later in life from it. Your risk of getting cancer is increased as compared to being with a husband who does not have these harmful strains of HPV. As well, ladies, if you were giving oral sex frequently to many different partners in your past, that increases the chance that you have been exposed to the HPV in your mouth and throat area. You may not have been, but it is possible. We are not meaning to sound alarmist, but this is a risk to be aware of. Also, many sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be and are spread through oral sex.)
Common sense would dictate that husbands and wives should discuss this and be honest with one another. Common sense also leads one to the obvious conclusion that the risk of exposure is increased when one has had a larger number of past sexual partners. (When the bride and groom are virgins on their wedding day, there are no health risks or concerns at all.) For many reasons, promiscuous sex has a major downside.
Here again is the link to another helpful essay: