marriage (with a little sex and a little spice) – part four
. . . . . continuing from part three . . . . .
“I know our love’s so sweet
It’s so tender and complete
Take me to another place
So please I beg don’t turn away”
From Hiroshima‘s song “Come to Me” on the 1989 album, East.
“So come on, hit me with your best shot! Fire away!” – Pat Benatar, from “Hit me with your best shot”, early 1980s.
I was never quite sure what Pat was referring to, verbal jousting or perhaps something else entirely. May be even a double meaning was intended.
“Switch it on. Start it. Let’s get it up.” – AC/DC, from the song “Let’s Get It Up” on the 1981 album, For Those About to Rock (We Salute You).
WARNING: DUE TO THE ADULT AND MATURE NATURE OF THE SUBJECT MATTER TO BE DISCUSSED IN SPECIFIC DETAILS BELOW, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
This essay is not suitable for viewing in the workplace. (We have complied with WordPress guidelines.)
Once again, we want to stress that we believe that sex ought to be saved and reserved for serious, committed, monogamous relationships, ideally for marriage. (We know it is a real world, and the ideal is not always achieved, but it is still worth striving for.) We do not wish this essay to give anyone the erroneous impression that we are advocating, or approving of, casual or promiscuous sex. We are not.
We at larrysmusings realize that our readers fall across the entire spectrum of social, religious, and political thought. Therefore, for some readers the below topic is taboo (or tabu). We must proceed on with stating our views as honestly and openly as we can. We think that is why some of you are here. Agree or disagree (or undecided), the sharing of ideas can be a helpful thing for all, or for most of us. We will cover this topic (oral sex) in two essays due to the lengthy treatment of it. There is already a topic for a “part six” of this series (which will be posted early next week).
We address this specific issue of oral sex within marriage because we do not want for this to be an obstacle nor hindrance in any way to marital bliss for both spouses. In some marriages (too many), it is an absurdly and needlessly painful issue for one or the other of the spouses. This need not be so, and we sincerely hope that this essay will prove helpful to couples who may be experiencing problems in this area of marital sexual intimacy. Oral sex is a rich and vibrant form of lovemaking and ought not be avoided nor shunned because of ignorance, or baseless mental or emotional fears and inhibitions.
This essay is most relevant for those couples who are engaged or who are recently married. Feel free to forward a link to it on to those you think would benefit from its contents.
The Song of Songs of Solomon, commonly referred to as Song of Songs, or Song of Solomon, is a book of the Old Testament. Here is a quote from it (we do not have the chapter and verse handy.)
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
To some Christians in recent years, this verse seems to be poetically referring to a young wife performing fellatio for her husband.
Where in the Christian Scriptures is oral sex (within marriage) condemned or forbidden? The answer is nowhere. The Christian books, Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, and The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner, are good references if you are interested in what they found and did not find in the Scriptures on oral sex.
Loving wives and their loving husbands ought not feel any needless guilt nor shame in expressing their sexual love for each other through oral sex. We cannot recommend this practice highly enough to married couples, especially to newlyweds (who are tasked with the major and serious responsibility of strengthening their loving marriages for the long-term). Fellatio (oral sex performed by the wife on her husband) need not be performed each and every time through ejaculation. It can be (and is) performed often as part of the playful and tender foreplay to intercourse. Our thoughts presented here are for those times when the husband and the wife both agree and desire that the fellatio continues through ejaculation. (Many married couples enjoy oral sex as a supplement to intercourse rather than as a substitute for it.)
(Since most husbands have very little problem with performing oral sex on their wives, we skip that issue and discuss fellatio at length. The same advice we offer below (to husbands) applies here. Wives come to the marital bed clean and fresh, having recently washed. Also, carefully (gently) shaving, or at least trimming, your pubic area regularly helps. And, husbands, do keep in mind that lovemaking is a two-way street, so to speak. Do not neglect to pleasure your wives!)
First, we want to add one aspect that Renee did not cover in her insightful essay (linked to in part three of this series, and part of your homework assignment). This may help some of the ladies to understand even more fully why many men desire and value the experience of fellatio so strongly. This may be a supposition on our part, but it is a logical and plausible one to briefly ponder, and it has some anecdotal support. It seems to us that the excessive emphasis in some marriages on fellatio over coitus reflects the fact that circumcised men are not receiving proper and sufficient stimulation during coitus and are receiving better, more gratifying stimulation through fellatio. This is not the husband’s fault, nor the wife’s fault as the circumcised penis is what is defective and is the source of the problem. As regards oral sex, we hear that “the woman’s mouth, lips and tongue can do things a vagina cannot do”. But, this is rather misleading as the presence of the foreskin permits the vagina and the penis to work very well together to give very gratifying and satisfying stimulation to both the woman and to the man. Since most adult males born in the US were (needlessly) circumcised shortly after birth, this might be a valid contributing factor for the strong preference for fellatio on their part. (Men who were circumcised as adults, and had the comparative experiences of sex while uncut and then sex as circumcised, say that the sex was significantly better when they were uncut or natural.)
For a small number of modern women there is a lingering concern about the husband’s ejaculation occurring outside of her vagina. This is an unfounded concern and needs to be discarded at once. We can no longer, through ignorance or superstition, cling to the mistaken idea that the human sex cells (ovum and sperm) are some how quasi human beings. These human sex cells are not quasi human beings or potential human beings. Conception, also known as fertilization, is the critical event. (Conception is also the event that the 2 extremes of the abortion/birth control debate routinely avoid seriously considering or discussing). Science demonstrates that at conception, (not prior to it!) there is a new, unique human being present at the earliest stage of development. Therefore, ladies, the fact that your husband, during your loving fellatio, ejaculates outside of your vagina is not a valid concern. The sperm cells in his semen are just that, sperm cells, and nothing more. (As well, the composition of semen is actually quite healthy containing various minerals and vitamins. Note: sperm cells only make up about 1 per cent (or less) of the volume of the semen. You can research this for yourselves on the Internet.)
Some women may have a mental block to performing oral sex for their husband because of “dominance and submission” type issues. While we completely buy into and fully support equity feminism, we reject radical or gender feminism and its senseless attacks on men and masculinity. But let’s very briefly address and hopefully put behind us this concern of some women.
Yes, you are playing a submissive role by performing fellatio for your husband, but you are playing it actively – you are not being passive. You, the wife, are exercising control over bringing him to his orgasm (how you do so, and when you allow it) with your loving caresses and licks and playful sucking. If you approach your fellatio with a neutral attitude or an open mind, given a little time and experience with it, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that you enjoy giving it, not solely because it pleasures your husband, but also because it (greatly) enhances the emotional intimacy and mutual trust and acceptance in your lovemaking. As well, you may find the rather unique physical sensations of performing oral sex to be exciting and pleasant. Many women do. Oral sex is tender, playful, pleasurable and exciting and it is what you make it. It involves vulnerability, trust, and respect and acceptance. Why out of hand (because of “feminist” animus or bias) discard such a beautiful and powerful tool in your lovemaking toolbox?
To the gender feminists we ask: How does that degrade you? Truly feminine women do not think of their loving fellatio as degrading at all, but rather as enriching of their loving bond with their husband.
We believe that if you have both agreed that the fellatio will be performed through his ejaculation, then the loving wife should not then reject her husband’s ejaculation but rather should joyously welcome it and enjoy the process. In other words, if you are going to do something, then your goal is to do it right and do it completely. You do not stop short of the finish line in any other activities, do you? You do not park the car halfway into the garage and with the other half still on the driveway.
We will specifically address the finish of the fellatio with the husband’s ejaculation as this is undeniably the biggest “problem” for wives in performing oral sex for their husbands, that is for those wives who have a problem with fellatio. We also address the husband’s ejaculation at the end of the fellatio because so few online articles discuss this to any degree other than to say “to spit or swallow, it’s the woman’s choice”. There needs to be a little deeper thinking and more discussion here. Swallowing allows for an easy, smooth finish to the loving fellatio. There is no mess and awkward situations are avoided. It is the natural end to fellatio. A smooth, seamless process from start to finish is best.
We include these 3 helpful comments (w/o correcting or editing for typos, grammar, etc, but emphasis is ours) from married women that may help wives wrestling with this issue in their mind.
I did not always enjoy giving oral, and I especially did not like swallowing. However, I seem to be having a sexual awakening and now I love them both.
Comment by Jade on July 16, 2011 11:40 pm
I was the same way for a very long time. I gave oral and didn’t really enjoy it much, expecially swallowing. But now I’ve taken a different approach that i think might help you. trying praying just before giving oral. pray for God to open your heart and mind to this experince. ask God to free yourself of thoughts of apprehention. this has helped me greatly and has changed my entire outlook on OS with my hubby!
We’ve been married 12 years and my hubby has always enjoyed giving me oral sex (pretty much every time we’re intimate, I’m a lucky gal!). I wasn’t all that into reciprocating on him, it was usually a once a year birthday gift. That’s all changed within the past couple years and now I’m totally into it. I think he secretly looks forward to my period because during that time of the month I will always “finish” the job.
Here are a few random comments from women experienced with fellatio.
I prefer in my vagina, but if he cums in my mouth I always swallow it and I love the feeling and the taste.
When I first had oral sex I would spit it out, and then over time I thought why not try swallowing it. I did and I really like the taste, and my DH also liked the fact that I would swallow his cum. He said it turned him on. Before I started swallowing I would go to the bathroom and spit it out, but over time I came to realize that, for my DH, it looked like I was disgusted with the oral act and so I now swallow and it is really enjoyable for the both of us. .
I love to swallow my husband’s cum. I have a really strong gag reflex, that’s why I take his penis as far down my throat as I can and then when he releases his warm cum, I take and swallow every last drop.
This is as good a point to stop as any, and we will shortly (within a few hours) post essay part five to continue with this important topic. Part five will be longer and will deal with explicit (graphic) details. Reader discretion is advised.
Here is link to part five, our next installment.