Are your in-laws at fault, or your spouse’s priorities?
Love does not need to be a zero sum game.
You do not need to love your relatives and friends any less when you marry.
Just love your spouse more.
This is a serious problem in some marriages.
And, many times it is not the in-laws that are at fault. One spouse may not place the other spouse as first priority in her/his life. It may be that your wife or husband cannot make the transition to a married mind-set that values you, her/his spouse, appropriately. Spouses that spend too much time with their parents and/or siblings and thus neglect their husband or wife are hurting their spouse, harming their marriage and ultimately do themselves a bad turn.
Does she/he listen to the advice or counsel from their parents, but does not seriously consider your views, values and goals? If so, it is time for a serious talk with her/him.
Clearly this can be occurring in a multi-generational household where either the bride or groom has moved in with her/his spouse’s family. However, this also happens even when the married couple lives in a separate home miles away from any in-laws.
Many marriage ceremonies have vows that include the phrase “forsaking all others”. This means more than just forsaking all other lovers. These words could be interpreted to also mean that you leave your parents and siblings behind and cling to and share your life with your spouse.
So ask yourself if you are truly ready and willing to put your (future) spouse ahead of your family and friends in your list of priorities. Also, ask your fiancée (or spouse) this same question.
Marriage has come under much fire in recent years and is at times put down by folks who have suffered failed marriages and are somewhat bitter. Was/is the institution of marriage responsible for these failed marriages?
Marriage is a very difficult proposition, a tough undertaking. But, the ongoing effort and sacrifices required by both spouses are well worth it when these sacrifices and efforts produce a strong and happy marriage. Such a marriage can be a source of much strength and joy for a person as she/he goes through life in what really is a miserable, very flawed world. As well, a strong and happy marriage provides a better environment for successfully raising children.
The institution of marriage has been around a very long time. It has, as they say, withstood the test of time. The pairing of adult males and adult females for life goes far back into pre-history and even to earlier forms of humanity, to proto humans. (Do they now refer to Peking Man as Beijing Man?) This pairing has been the dominant form of marriage throughout history, notwithstanding the existence in some cultures of polyandry and polygyny.
It is biological. It is also psychological and emotional and sociological in nature as all those needs are met and fulfilled in a successful marriage. Marriage is not going away and will be with us far into the future. We just wonder what kind of a future mankind has given all the destructive forces at play in the world these days.
Thank you for reading, and feel free to share this with others you know and care about.
Yesterday, June 10, 2015, we linked this essay here:
See the various links to posts on marriage by other bloggers at the bottom of that article.