There can be many reasons or factors for a husband having a low sex drive. Other bloggers have written about the psychological/emotional/mental causes for a low libido in men. (For some husbands, struggling with these factors, the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist may be needed. There is no shame nor reason for embarrassment in seeking the input and counsel of a trained and experienced marriage counselor. Marriage is not easy, and there are times when outside counsel is appropriate and helpful.)
In this essay, we want to touch briefly on a few of the physical causes for a man’s low sex drive, and take a common sense approach in addressing these.
Why is this important?
The sexual bonding of the spouses serves to keep them together, to keep their marriage strong and vibrant. This sexual bonding to be strong requires frequent lovemaking (with the release of oxytocin, the “bonding” biochemical). More than pleasant physical sensations are shared when we humans make love. Thus, if the lovemaking is infrequent for whatever reasons(s), the marriage is stressed and at risk. This is no exaggeration. (We defer to other bloggers’ writings on the issue of sexual refusing/gatekeeping within marriage – another cause of infrequent lovemaking.)
We need to add here that we are not saying that good sex is the only important factor in a successful, lasting marriage. But, it is a very important component of a happy, lasting marriage. Sexual frustration within marriage is terribly destructive to the spouses. Sexual fulfillment for both spouses is the goal!
On various marriage blogs and discussion forums, one sees comments from women about their husband’s low sex drive and other women often reply and urge that these husbands get tested for their testosterone level. This male sex hormone plays a very important role in the physical sex drive in men. But, testosterone is not limited to the sex drive. It plays a role in overall physical health. (For example, not many young men, who have naturally higher levels of it than older men, suffer from heart disease. Co-incidence? I think not, and there have been some studies in this area.)
For those husbands who do have low testosterone levels in their blood, we recommend caution. Sometimes, opting for the “quick fix” is not the best thing to do when it involves your heath. You can find (online) articles that address harmful side effects from testosterone shots, creams, and prescriptions. We think that natural approaches are better for many health issues. Before taking your doctor’s advice to get hormone shots or use prescription products, why not try to do the things that will help your body make more of its own hormones naturally?
Here are some of the things that serve to decrease testosterone levels and are also detrimental to optimal physical health. Excessive work place stress, with its tension and often internalized anger, can deplete testosterone more rapidly than a man’s body can make more. Frequent quarreling with one’s spouse also likely does this. Being overweight may be a factor. The lack of exercise that office workers are often guilty of does play a role in not having optimal hormone levels. Poor sleep habits: not getting enough sleep on a regular basis stresses your body and does not provide it enough “down” time or recovery time. A diet poor or deficient in natural vitamins and minerals and enzymes. Recreational drug use and excessive use of alcohol are not conducive to having optimal hormone levels in your blood. Similarly, various pharmaceuticals (“meds”) that many take have a similar adverse effect on hormone levels. (The truth is that Americans are over-medicated. As said above, we think natural is better for many health issues.)
Thus, many of us are too tired, too stressed, and too drugged to be able to make love often.
things you can do to help your body make more of its own testosterone naturally
First off, stop doing the harmful things. Reduce alcohol consumption to a more moderate level. Do not use illegal, harmful drugs for recreation. Look into more natural approaches to your health conditions that may allow you to get off, or cut back the dosage, of your prescription medications. See if you can deal better with workplace stress. There are stress reduction techniques in many articles and books.
Second, make some positive changes. Do not make a false god out of your TV set. Many people cut back on their sleep time just to stay up late and watch television. Get adequate sleep each night. You will feel better.
Eat a better, more natural diet. (A linked article below touches on this.) More fresh fruits and vegetables and less sweets, less junk food and for some, easing back a bit on the meat eating.
Studies have been few and some may think these are inconclusive, but vigorous exercise 2 or 3 times each week can help the body to make more testosterone. I have never been a fan of running or jogging. A brisk walk for 20 to 30 minutes is adequate. My favorite exercise in my 20s and 30s was working out with the weights. One does not have to be training for a power lifting competition or for a body building contest to benefit from using the weights 2 or 3 times a week. (I think there were times back then that I was suffering from too high a level of testosterone – too much of a good thing – between the workouts and the food supplements that may have been the case. With too high a level of hormones, one can become irritable and aggressive and even have anger management challenges. The sex hormones really are powerful mind-altering biochemicals.)
Combining better nutrition and exercise will likely help you to shed those extra pounds you have been carrying around for some time.
Now, all this will take time to show positive results. Give these (various things you can do) time, and you will likely enjoy an improved sex drive and your spouse will appreciate that also. As well, your overall health will improve through a better diet, getting enough sleep, and regular exercise. You will feel better, look better and have more energy.
Wives, encourage your husbands to make the effort to get into better physical shape. Sexual health is part of one’s overall health. As well, wives can benefit from regular exercise and eating a better diet.
Here is a link to another blogger’s essay on boosting sex drive through eating certain foods. (I did not see ginseng on his list. In my experience, drinking one cup each day of a quality ginseng tea (preferably quality Korean ginseng tea) has helped to boost sex drive.) A word of caution: do not take mega doses of zinc. Too much can be harmful. Get these nutrients naturally from wholesome foods as the author recommends.
Some things in life have to be endured – the things that cannot be changed. But, many conditions can be changed.
You can get that sexual energy back – if you are willing to make the ongoing effort.
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