spicing up married lovemaking: oral sex

Sexual intimacy is a key ingredient in a successful, lasting and happy marriage. Thus, it is important for married persons to nurture their shared sexual love for each other and work to make their sexual intimacy mutually fulfilling and satisfying.  A little variety or spice in your sex life can be a very positive thing. Make love in different sexual positions and do not limit yourselves to your marriage bed.  Make love in other parts of the house.  Add new acts and be a little adventurous.

That is when oral sex can be beneficial.

 

Readers:  This has become one of our most popular essays in terms of views. We have added much additional discussion and many helpful tips since originally posting this a few months back.  A discussion of the value of oral sex is followed by specific, helpful tips in the very comprehensive appendix at the end of the essay.  For married persons, this essay is worth reading carefully and in its entirety.  Alternatively, you can choose to read only the essay or just the appendix.  These are both helpful.  Feel free to share a link to this essay with your spouse.  As well, if you like, you can share your thoughts and insights in the comments section below.  We welcome comments from wives and husbands.

For more of our essays about marriage and on sex within marriage, visit our marriage and sex page here:

https://larrysmusings.com/pages/marriage-and-sex/

Due to the length of this essay (more than 14,000 words), it is better to read it on a desk top personal computer or on a tablet.

As most men have little or no problem with giving oral sex to their wife, we will address the wife giving oral sex to her husband (also known as fellatio, from the Latin, fellare, meaning to suck).

For the husbands

If you want your wife to do this for you – and she is not doing it at present – ask her to do this for you.  Do not try to coerce or force or pressure her to engage in this loving activity.  But, specifically request it.  In other words, speak up.  You can tell her why this is important for you.  Communication is very important in your marriage both inside and outside of the sexual area. The more open and honest communication you have with your spouse about your lovemaking, the more likely you will both be able to achieve deeper and more satisfying sexual intimacy.  Reading about fellatio has helped many wives who were reluctant to give this a try to overcome their mental inhibitions or fears. You might try suggesting or encouraging your wife to read up on it (either in blog articles found through Internet searches, or in books on the subject, or give her a link to this essay of ours).

You can make the act easier for your wife by coming to the marriage bed having recently washed your genital area.  As well, it is no secret that it is easier for a wife to give oral sex when her husband regularly shaves or trims his pubic area. (Ladies, as well, shave or trim your genital area regularly.  This makes it easier and more enjoyable for your husband to give you oral sex. And, the view of a “bare” (shaved) pussy is a big turn-on for most husbands.)

Gently caress her hair or lightly caress her face now and then as she is giving you oral sex.  The oral love is a beautiful form of intimacy and it is a shared experience.

Once your wife starts performing oral sex for you, she may or may not have a problem early on with letting you climax in her mouth.  (We address this very thoroughly below to help wives overcome their hesitancy or reluctance with letting their husband ejaculate inside their mouth.)  If you want her to accept your ejaculation inside her mouth, then ask her to do this, and request this when she starts, or before she starts her oral play.  Do not assume that she will do this on her own.  She may think or assume if you do not request this that it does not matter to you.  If your wife has been giving you oral sex for some time and has regularly removed your penis from her mouth so that you climax somewhere else, ask her to try completing the act by letting you finish inside her mouth.  You can explain to her that this means a lot to you, and allows you greater pleasure when you orgasm.  Guys: this is not an unreasonable request for a husband to make of his wife.  So, do not feel badly when you request this. If she adamantly refuses to even consider this, will not even try this a few to several times, it is she that is being unreasonable and needlessly obstinate.  She really needs to think about this.  And, pray about this.  Again, reading articles written by women marriage bloggers (experienced wives themselves) on oral sex may help her.

For the wives

Men get (or receive) and feel love through sex.  That is the reality. Perhaps it is the way that the male brain is wired, but this is true.  You need to be aware of and accept this fact.  And, it helps to bear this in mind when considering your sexual relationship with your husband.

Performing oral sex for your husband is a great way to connect with him sexually and emotionally.  The emotional connection you can share during oral sex is very deep and special.

For a wife, the biggest obstacle to performing oral sex for her husband and being able to enjoy it can be her mindset.  Sadly, oral sex is thought poorly of by many married Christians and some non-Christian married persons.  This may be due to its prominent depiction in pornography, and/or the common knowledge that prostitutes perform this act for their customers.  Yet, we are specifically talking here about sexual intimacy within a loving marriage.  We are not talking about casual sexual encounters with strangers where there is no emotional bond or commitment.

Wives, performing oral sex for your husband is not degrading to you – not if your husband loves you.  Part of his love for you is a respect for you, the woman he married.  Thus, the context of the act is so very important. You are doing this within your loving marriage.

Another challenge, often the biggest challenge, for the wife who is willing to perform oral sex is receiving/accepting her husband’s ejaculation.  (This is not in play when the oral sex is being performed as part of the foreplay to intercourse.)  When you start, ask your husband to signal you when he is nearing his climax.  Being ready for his ejaculation makes it easier for you to receive it.

But, let’s be honest about it.  Some wives are freaked out mentally at the thought of this.  Totally freaked out.  Yet, many wives, who were hesitant or reluctant to take their oral sex to completion, comment on marriage blogs and marriage discussion forums that when they finally did finish the job that “it was not that bad”.  When they actually experienced their husband ejaculating inside their mouth, they realized their mental blocks and fears were exaggerated and unnecessary.  Some say they now love receiving the ejaculation and look forward to it.  The fact is that if your husband is free of all sexually transmitted infections (STIs), then it is completely safe for you to accept his ejaculation in your mouth, and, if you like, to swallow it down. Thus, any mental inhibitions and fears you may have can be easily let go of – if you are willing to let go of them.  Whatever you choose to call the output – his ejaculate, semen, sperm, cum, spunk, etc. – is not harmful to you, so please don’t act like it is “gross”, disgusting or treat it as though it were poison.  We encourage you to “woman up” and take your loving, playful fellatio to its natural ending.  (Of course, you can opt not to do this, but read on and you may want to reconsider your position.)

Courage is looking fear in the eye and saying, “Get out of my way. I’ve got things to do.”  – Unknown

 

 

You may rightly ask:  Why is this important, or why does my husband desire this?

Here are the main reasons why a husband wants to finish or climax in his wife’s mouth, and why he enjoys doing so.

1. On the emotional level, it shows him his wife’s complete acceptance of him. It is also a shared experience for both spouses, and is deeply intimate. You, his wife, are participating in his climax.  One could say that the spouses feel or experience a special connection to each other at the climax.  Both spouses are vulnerable, yes, yet both trust, respect, and accept each other at this time.

2. Physically, it is more pleasurable to finish this way than if the wife hastily removes his penis from her mouth just prior to the climax.  Hand stroking is not as pleasurable or as intense as the sensations your warm, wet mouth can give him.  Not letting your husband finish in your mouth takes the experience from an 8 or a 9 (in pleasure and intensity) down to a 5 or a 6 at best!  (Some might disagree and believe that the experience is reduced to a 4 or even lower. The point is that, physically, it is much more pleasurable, intensely pleasurable for a man to ejaculate inside his wife’s mouth.)

3. The visual aspect, the view of his wife lovingly taking his penis (his “manhood”) into her mouth, is quite arousing and exciting for the husband. This is still more arousing when the wife is nude or in lingerie.  Here again, we must state what is obvious to many people.  Men are visual creatures – likely due to the wiring or interconnectivity of the male brain.  But, this also feeds back into the emotional/psychological aspect.  The husband is seeing a tangible display of his wife’s complete acceptance of him, and her love for him when she continues her oral love while he climaxes.  Tip:  Making eye contact with your husband at times during your fellatio and, if you can, during at least part of the climax, can enhance the emotional and visual experience for him, and deepens the loving connection you both feel.

Other reasons appear to be of a more psychological and subjective nature, and include feeling more masculine*, more virile, feeling more confident as a man, even more “dominant”.  But, we think these are supplemental to the above 3 points and only mention these as wives have suggested these in comments on various marriage websites.  (* The flip side of the coin is that one sees the occasional comment from a wife saying that she feels more feminine when performing oral sex for her husband.)

Here is a relevant comment from a woman on a marriage and sex website.

Summer on August 6, 2014

See, I’d have to agree 100% with this article.  A man needs to be made to feel like a man.  Not saying there aren’t other ways for a man to feel like a man, but, men DO need sex in general to feel loved. . . . . Men do indeed love seeing their manhood in their woman’s mouth.  Any man who says he doesn’t, is lying.

Another important aspect to be aware of is that many men, possibly most men, want their wife to appreciate their ejaculations.  This goes beyond the emotional acceptance mentioned above.  Some women bloggers say that men are proud of their ejaculations.  To the extent that this is so – and we think it is true for many men – we can understand that men want their wife to respect and appreciate their ejaculations – both the process and the product (the semen).  It seems that in many articles about married lovemaking the husband’s orgasm/ejaculation (climax) is often taken for granted, or is thought to be something that occurs automatically.  In some articles, there is so much emphasis placed on the woman achieving her orgasm that the man’s orgasm is not given adequate attention, nor sufficiently valued.  But, the husband’s climax is important to him, and he desires the woman (his wife) who experiences his climax – as she receives and accepts it – to value it.  This is true for climaxes in intercourse and in oral sex.  At the end of your loving fellatio, your husband has just cum for you, yes through your efforts, but for you.  He wants you to value and appreciate that.  A man also has a deeply held desire to have a wife who is completely comfortable with all aspects of sex.

The lesson to take from all this is: do not act grossed out or disgusted when he ejaculates in your mouth, and/or when you swallow or spit the semen out. Even if you are not yet completely comfortable with these, try not to show any displeasure to your husband.  Getting accustomed to, or used to having semen in your mouth for a short time is part of giving oral sex to your husband.  Over time, as you become more comfortable through your experiences, you can show your husband some genuine enthusiasm and appreciation when he ejaculates and you readily embrace it.  He may not say anything about your enthusiasm, but you can be sure he notices and appreciates it.

 

You may ask:  I am willing to give oral sex, but do I have to swallow?

Or, you may ask:  I have recently begun letting my husband cum in my mouth.  Should I swallow the ejaculate?

 

woman concerned 2

 

Do not stress over these questions.

The answer to the first question is no, you do not have to swallow.  Of the two, accepting the ejaculation in your mouth and then opting to swallow, the more important by far is accepting the ejaculation (for the reasons listed above). Ladies: Men love to cum this way!  They really do.  The emotional gratification, combined with the physical and visual pleasure and excitement make ejaculating in his wife’s mouth a “total” experience for the man.  And, some men do ejaculate quite strongly from fellatio because it is such an intense experience for them.  So, wives, you do not have to swallow the ejaculate, but for his pleasure and satisfaction you ought to allow him to cum in your mouth. Even if you will not be swallowing, reassure your husband when you begin that you are comfortable with him cumming in your mouth.  When he ejaculates, simply accept it by keeping your mouth on the head of his penis.  You can control how far his penis is inside your mouth by keeping one hand on the shaft.  (And, when you spit the ejaculate out, do so discretely.  No unhappy 😦 faces.  Bear in mind that your husband wants (even expects) you, his wife, to be at least somewhat comfortable with accepting his semen.  Thus, the worst thing you can do is to react very negatively when you receive his cum.)

We should note in passing that many Christian marriage bloggers, both wives and husbands, in their articles on oral sex tell wives that they do not have to swallow, and pretty much leave it at that.  Some even suggest switching to hand stimulation at the time of ejaculation.  We disagree with that approach and think there needs to be more discussion for the wife of accepting the climax in her mouth and then trying swallowing – even if this makes readers a bit uncomfortable.

The answer to the second question is more complex and requires a longer discussion.  You are okay with accepting his ejaculation but not sure you should swallow the output.  The short answer is that you ought to try swallowing at least a few times.  That way, you can find out for yourself if you enjoy doing so. Many wives love to swallow their husband’s semen.  (They like the greater intimacy, find it arousing, and/or like the rather unique taste.)  Other wives do not enjoy it and thus do not swallow often.  Find out what works for you by trying it and do not let any mental blocks keep you from trying it a few times. And, do not let the preferences of your close friends sway you here.  (Yes, wives talk about sex with their close friends.)  Whether your friends swallow or not for their husbands is not really relevant to your marriage.  Don’t feel bad if you do not enjoy swallowing but your friends say that they do.  Similarly, do not feel uneasy or “abnormal” if you enjoy this and your friends do not swallow. (They may not have had the courage to try.  And, if so, any negative comments from them would not be based on actual experiences.)

After the climax, for some men, it is important that their wife swallow the semen.  Some men and women will assert that this is true for most men, but it really is an individual preference even if many men desire this.  Be aware that this preference or desire is really psychological and/or emotional in nature. Swallowing after he cums does not make any difference physically, and makes only a relatively small difference visually to his experience.

There is something to be said for doing something that your spouse desires even when you do not enjoy it yourself.  The fact is that your fellatio is about your husband’s pleasure first and foremost – you are giving intense pleasure to him.  It is a giving act.  It shows your sexual love for your husband in ways that intercourse does not.  There are wives who swallow because they know their husband likes them to do so even though they themselves do not care for it. And, many wives have learned to enjoy it over time.  (Keep in mind, this is not harmful to you.)

Once you begin to enjoy giving oral sex, you may find that swallowing is easier and less messy than pushing the semen out while your husband is ejaculating, or discretely spitting it out afterwards.  We suggest you try swallowing the semen several times.  One or two bad experiences initially does not mean it will always be so.  Swallowing cum becomes easier with experience.  (Many comments from wives on marriage forums support this.)  We think it is the best way to complete your loving oral sex.  There is an emotional component in play for the husband and that is true for many wives as well who feel that swallowing takes the shared intimacy with their husband to an even deeper level.  As noted in an earlier essay of ours on this subject, when the husband knows that his wife is not uncomfortable with receiving and swallowing the semen, that it is not going to be an unpleasant experience for her, he is free of any anxiety or stress about it.  Being free of stress and anxiety allows your husband to fully enjoy your loving fellatio and fully enjoy his climax.  (So much of our sexual enjoyment is mental or is impacted by our minds.)  When you reach the point where you are comfortable with this, reassure your husband, be sure to let him know this.  Tell him at the start you are looking forward to his climax and that you want to feel him cumming in your mouth and that you will swallow his cum.  Talking a little during the oral sex shows that you are into it and not just going through the motions.  (Remind him to signal you when he is close to ejaculating.)  For many a husband, it is knowing that his wife is comfortable with the ejaculation and the semen – more than her actual swallowing – that makes a very big difference to his enjoyment.

And, we can go further here and say that when the husband knows his wife enjoys performing her oral sex all the way to the finish, that knowledge does more than just free him from anxiety, worry and possible stress, it actually increases his enjoyment in another way.  It is pleasurable and exciting for the husband emotionally and psychologically when he knows she is into the act and is enjoying herself all throughout the oral sex – even while he is cumming hard in her mouth.  Being enthusiastic while you give oral sex, especially during his climax, adds so much to the act!  He is enjoying himself and it is that much more of a turn-on for him when he knows that you are enjoying yourself as well.

Lastly, swallowing does not have to be solely for your husband’s emotional gratification or pleasure.  It can be a pleasant experience for you, the wife.  If you view the semen as your reward for your loving efforts (as many wives do), and overcome any mental aversion to the semen, swallowing during or after his ejaculation becomes very easy.  When you reach your own personal comfort level with his ejaculation, you will find that it really is no big deal.  At that point, you are free of any stress about it and are thus free to enjoy the moment – as intimate and exciting as it is for both of you.  The wife can feel pleasure and excitement knowing how turned on her husband gets by what she is doing. A win-win situation.  As well, accepting his climax and swallowing shows your sexual confidence to your husband.  That display of your confidence can be exciting for him and for you.

Above, we said that if your husband is free of all STIs, it is completely safe for you to swallow his ejaculate.  This is true.  But, that is not the whole story. Semen contains many good nutrients that are actually beneficial for the wife who swallows.

Still perplexed and sitting on the fence?

 

middle aged woman

 

Consider these thoughts . . . .

We think the wife should try swallowing soon after she begins giving oral sex to her husband.  This is better than delaying and continuing to put the attempt off (which for some wives, becomes indefinitely into the future).  By swallowing your husband’s cum early on, you confront and overcome your fears sooner and you find out whether you like to do this.  If you do enjoy this, you benefit from the enhanced intimacy sooner as well.  (With a little experience, many wives do begin to enjoy this.)  There are wives who finally got up the courage to swallow after many years of marriage and when they found that it really was not bad, they regretted that they had not started many years sooner for their husband’s enjoyment and for their own enjoyment. There simply is no benefit or advantage in delaying the attempt.

Thus, for newlyweds, young wives, and not so young wives who are now beginning to give oral sex, we recommend that you let your husband finish in your mouth within the first few oral sex sessions, and then quickly move on to swallowing his semen soon after.  (You may need 2, 3, or 4 times to become accustomed to his ejaculation inside your mouth: the throbbing of his penis, the spurting of the cum, its texture, the warmth, the taste.  This is normal. But, you want to keep the momentum going.)  Clearly, this is not difficult to do once you are accepting his ejaculation inside your mouth.  If you delay, there is more chance your mental fears, groundless though these are, will grow stronger and then it will become easier for you to continue to put this experience off. Challenge yourself to try this and do try it.  Do not let any possible embarrassment or performance anxiety you might feel at the time bother you. You are performing a very loving, beautiful, and deeply intimate act for your husband.  He does not insist nor expect that you be perfect at it! He appreciates your loving efforts, thus there is no need for worry or embarrassment.  If, after trying this several times, you find that you really cannot handle it, at least you will have found this out very early in your marriage and you will not be burdened with the ongoing uncertainty (that would be present) if you had not given this a try.  Your husband will appreciate that you tried and not be disappointed by a refusal to try on your part.  And, you can try swallowing again after a year or so and see if it is easier for you then.  It is not uncommon for a wife who tries swallowing again later on to find that she can handle it with less difficulty.

So, when the exciting moment you have lovingly worked for arrives and your husband blissfully (and with gusto) pumps his warm cum into your mouth (even if, or when, there is a large volume of it), do not over think this, just simply go with the flow – be in the moment – and swallow.  Easy, right?! 😉 Try it several times, and see if you like it.  There is a fair to good chance that you will.  As said above: Swallowing cum becomes easier with experience.  (Tip:  The wife can have a glass of water or fruit juice nearby for drinking afterwards.)

in summary

So, wives, we can now answer the second question above:  “I have recently begun letting my husband cum in my mouth.  Should I swallow the ejaculate?”  Yes, you should definitely try swallowing (several times).  If you find that you like and enjoy it, then yes you should quite naturally swallow the ejaculate often.  (There are 2 physical components here.  You may like the taste of the ejaculate and you may also enjoy the sensations of swallowing it.  Or, you may find you enjoy one but not the other.  There is also the emotional aspect that many women feel.  Many a wife feels closer to her husband as she swallows his semen.  As well, you may find swallowing to be erotic.)  If you truly do not like it but can do it without much difficulty, you should continue to allow your husband to cum in your mouth and yes, you should swallow occasionally, perhaps every third or fourth or fifth time you give oral sex to completion.  If you really cannot handle swallowing, then you should not swallow, but you can try again in several months or a year or so.

If you find you enjoy swallowing at the end of your loving fellatio, you ought not think that you must do it each and every time.  There are other options to add a little variety to the finish.  Avid swallowers will now and then opt to spit or to watch the semen spurting out.  So, do not feel that you must swallow every time even if you do so most of the time.

Here is a comment from a marriage and sex website worth considering.

Mon, 07/19/2004 – 21:07

angelbaby914

I swallow all the time.  But my husband’s cum doesn’t tastes that great. Its not something that I savor but I do love to do it.  I love to suck his dick, it turns me on and I know that swallowing turns him on.  The first time I did it, he LOVED it and was hooked 🙂  I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Swallowing is a huge plus for many husbands!  Swallowing with some eye contact and enthusiasm is even better.

From a Christian marriage blog, we read this comment:

julia   May 7, 2015 at 3:50 pm

i enjoy oral sex with my husband, because i like it and he LOVES it. There is an intimacy in this act of love that is not in any other expression of love.

From another Christian marriage blog:

develope wife  September 24, 2015 at 10:42 pm

We started having os five months ago after about a twenty year freeze. I started letting him finish in my mouth and spit or let it run out.  He just couldn’t believe I was letting him finish in my mouth!  Then I read that i can move his penis to the back of my throat at climax and its easy to just swallow.  No taste!  Then I amazingly realized I was starting to like the taste.  Then I realized the smell of me on his mouth doesn’t bother me any more.  Wow, I am so thankful to God for what he’s doing in our marriage.  The intimacy is deeper every day.  I *adore* my husband !!!!

 

 

Advice for the husbands: when your wife becomes comfortable with accepting your ejaculation (which need not take her very long), give her warning when you are close to climaxing, and then enjoy your ejaculating. Sounds obvious, right?!  But, many husbands remain a little anxious about their wife being comfortable at this time.  If she has told you she is fine, then relax and be in the moment and pump your semen out.  Do not try to hold back.  This is obviously important for you so that you can fully enjoy the finish. And, this is important for your wife!  She wants you to cum from her efforts.  If you do not or you ejaculate weakly, then she experiences some anxiety and uncertainty (and possible stress) and wonders if she did something wrong. Whether she spits afterwards or enjoys swallowing your cum, for your pleasure and for her confidence and enjoyment, when she brings you to the point of no return, blast away and enjoy yourself.  (You do not have to get rough and grab her head and force your penis in more deeply as you cum.  Guys: Do not choke your wife with your penis!  That can be very uncomfortable, even painful, for her – so do not do that.  But, you can pump away vigorously as she is able to take it.)  Give her your best shots!!  The best non-verbal feedback from you telling her that she gave great oral sex is to cum strongly in her mouth.  When you do and she receives your several shots of cum, she has immediate proof that you enjoyed yourself(!) and that she gave good oral sex.  A win-win! Afterwards, tell your wife how much pleasure she gave you.  Thank her and compliment her.  (As well, while she is giving oral sex, tell her what feels good and what you would like more of.  Tell her if she needs to go more slowly or more softly or even to take a brief break if you are approaching your climax too quickly.  Taking a short break helps your wife as well to not become fatigued. Communication can make this loving act even more pleasurable for both spouses.)

 

image 2

 

appendix:  other related thoughts & helpful, specific (explicit!) tips for the wives (on how to make your loving oral sex easier and more enjoyable for you and thereby even better for him)

The following tips and ideas are to help the wives (of any age) who are new to performing oral sex and/or who still have some reluctance in giving it.  Give yourself permission to let go of your mental inhibitions and your fears about this beautiful and loving act.  You can enjoy this.  You are free to enjoy it!  We first address some key factors for you to be able to enjoy giving your husband your oral love.  These same factors that help you also add to his pleasure.  Then, we cover the things that pose physical challenges to wives giving oral sex, and give you helpful tips on how to more easily, comfortably and successfully deal with these challenges.  (Some of these physical challenges can be made more difficult if the wife clings to her mental inhibitions.)  With some experience (practice) and some confidence, you can make your oral sex the fun and exciting and deeply, richly intimate experience that it can (and should) be for you, the giver.

Many wives find early on when giving oral sex that they enjoy giving this special pleasure to their husband.  With more experience and confidence, they are more relaxed and begin to enjoy the emotional intimacy of this loving act and the physical sensations they experience (as the mouth, lips, and tongue are very sensuous or erogenous areas).  For many a wife, it is quite erotic and arousing to be playfully sucking and licking her husband’s penis and watch his reactions to what she is doing.

importance of a positive mental attitude towards oral sex

Lovingly performing fellatio for your husband allows you to connect deeply with him, and this special connection is worth working for.  It helps to keep this in mind as you work to gain a positive attitude and let go of your fears and hesitation.

There are not a few wives, among those who are experienced with giving oral sex, who will tell you that they feel more feminine when orally pleasing their husband.  For some wives, performing fellatio for their husband is an expression of their femininity and makes them feel more complete as a wife and as a woman.

As indicated above, the biggest hurdle for some wives to get past is a negative mental attitude towards giving oral love.  Now that you have read this essay, think about it.  Consider oral sex as the loving, giving act for your husband that it is.  Bear in mind the reasons why your husband so deeply enjoys and desires this act (discussed above).  Make the conscious effort to cultivate a positive attitude towards it in your thoughts.  This is the first and most vitally important step to take!  If you approach your fellatio with a positive, healthy attitude, everything about it becomes easier.  And, yes, you can enjoy it.  Let go of your mental inhibitions and expand your comfort zone.  (More resources are linked to at the conclusion of this essay for you to do further reading.)

Be careful not to allow any groundless fears to keep you from giving oral sex to your husband.  If you do, you will deprive him and yourself from much deeper physical and emotional intimacy in your lovemaking.  For example, a fear of, or dislike of, the taste of his semen is not a valid reason for not giving him oral love or for not giving it frequently.  As well, it is not a valid reason for having a negative view of oral sex.  The wife who says “I enjoy giving my husband oral sex, but I just do not like the taste of his cum.”, needs to focus more on the acceptance and the pleasure she is giving her husband and what this means for him.  In the proper perspective, the taste, texture or volume of his ejaculate really is a very minor issue.  Consciously cultivating a positive attitude towards her loving fellatio can help the wife here.

Here is a comment from a husband to consider:

Robert   May 24, 2016 at 1:32 pm

My wife and I have been married many years and we have done oral for almost as long.  I have told her that she never has to accept my semen in her mouth, but that is her decision.  I also have told her she doesn’t have to swallow, but that again is her decision.  However, she always accepts it in her mouth because she has told me she knows how much the pleasure drops off when she takes it out of her mouth to use her hand and I love her for it.

 

importance of enthusiasm

Please keep in mind that enthusiasm is more important than technique when giving oral sex.  Show your husband that you want to do this for him and that you are enjoying it.  Husbands want their wives to enjoy the experience, too (!!) – and there really is no reason that you cannot enjoy it right along with him.  Cultivating a positive mental attitude makes it much easier for you to learn to enjoy giving oral sex to your husband.  This is important because when you enjoy performing oral sex, it is quite natural and easy to be genuinely enthusiastic about giving it to your husband.  Your husband will see your enthusiasm and enjoyment and that will make the experience even better for him.  Be enthusiastic even at the finish.  Show your husband that you love sucking his penis.

Here is a comment from a woman who finds the varied sensations she receives and experiences to be exciting:

bat woman

One of the reasons that I LOVE oral sex is that my mouth is much more sensitive than my vagina, and I can feel a lot more when a man cums in my mouth.  Orally, I can get it all — the feeling of his penis pulsing and pumping, the hot cum fountaining out and filling my mouth and throat, and the taste and heat of it.  Many more sensations than I get vaginally.  I really like that!  . . . . .

It is truly remarkable how excitement can build there at the end…. and that feels lovely in my mouth!  When he finally starts to tip over the over the edge of the PONR (point of no return), he/I can keep stroking while I hold the head of his penis in my mouth as he cums.  That way the stimulation doesn’t stop for him, but at the same time I get to feel and experience everything his penis is doing while he cums.  That is a major thrill for me.

 

the high value of communication

The value that communication (during the act) can and does add to your fellatio is often overlooked or not fully appreciated.  We think that a little communication can enhance and deepen the intimacy that you are sharing with your husband.

Ask your husband what he likes, what he wants more of, and observe how he reacts to what you do.  When he reacts positively, you can ask him “You like that?” and say “I thought so.”  Talking a little during your oral love while you playfully caress and stroke him is okay.  A little banter back and forth shows him you are into the oral love.  You can tell him that you enjoy fondling and sucking his penis.  As your mouth is an erogenous zone, you can enjoy the licking and the sucking.  As well, you can let him know when you notice changes in his penis.  When he is very aroused, his penis will get even harder (firmer). “Your cock just got a lot harder, baby.”

This may seem obvious:  You are actively participating in your fellatio and are sharing in the sensations you give your husband and sharing in his reactions to what you do.  You can verbally confirm this for your husband.  Your enthusiastic participation and sharing in the pleasure makes the experience more emotionally gratifying for your husband.  You, his wife, are sharing in and relishing the deep, special intimacy of your loving fellatio.  As you build him up towards his climax, encourage and reassure him verbally.  “Cum for me. I want your cum, baby.”  Reassuring him verbally combined with your enthusiasm lets him know you are comfortable with accepting his ejaculation in your mouth and that you want him to cum.

 

maintaining your comfort

It is very helpful and necessary that you control how far his penis penetrates into your mouth when you suck on it.  It is good to keep a hand wrapped around the shaft of your husband’s penis to control how deeply it moves inside your mouth.  You can stroke his shaft as you suck for greater stimulation for him.  But, you should be sucking and stroking his penis, and not letting him thrust or pound away forcefully.  It is a natural reaction for the man to want to start thrusting when he is aroused by the stimulation.  But, it is no fun at all being gagged or choked by his hard penis pushing too far, too deep inside your mouth.  Don’t let him do this.  It is not necessary for him to do this as the stimulation you provide by sucking and stroking is sufficient.  You can adjust the firmness of your grip on the penis shaft as needed.  (If you have a small mouth and/or your husband has a long erect penis, you may want to grip higher up on his shaft to prevent more of it from entering your mouth.)  Your comfort during fellatio is very important and he should not be bothered with you taking any of these actions.  Gently saying: “Honey, I cannot take that much” lets him know you need to be comfortable.

 

 

synergy – it all comes together

With a positive mental attitude, some enthusiasm, and good communication, and being comfortable while giving your oral sex, you will be able to give him maximum pleasure and have fun yourself doing so. That really is the key – make your loving oral sex playful and fun for both of you!  Make your oral love “hot” (exciting, arousing, intense) for him, and have fun doing it.

You, the wife, can make your oral sex a celebration of your sexual love for your husband.  By doing so, you will deepen the emotional intimacy and the connection you both feel.  As well, your fellatio actually empowers you.  Yes, that is right.  The wife has much control over her husband’s pleasure during the act.  He is vulnerable but he trusts you.  Enjoy the power you have with him during this loving act.  What power?  The power to playfully and pleasurably tease him with your actions, the power to build up his arousal (excitement and tension) and then to let it subside before building it up again, and the power, when you are more experienced, to control when you let him climax (either fairly quickly or after prolonging his arousal).

A nice benefit of oral sex is that it is an easy option or alternative activity for those times when you do not desire intercourse for any reason(s).  Also, you can easily perform oral sex in many places around the house and enjoy a variety of settings.

Shirley   June 29, 2016 at 10:23 am

Many women just do not understand how important oral is in a relationship.  I learned a long time ago that you keep your guy happy in bed and he will be less inclined to look elsewhere.

 

the wife initiating

From the points above, it follows that the wife should initiate the oral sex, if not often, at least from time to time.  Wives, do not make your husband have to ask for it every time you give oral sex.  (And, please do not behave or react like the wife who when her husband asks for oral sex looks at him with a facial expression part bewilderment and part disdain as if to say “You want me to do that?!  Ugh.”  She then does give oral sex to completion all the while clearly showing that she does not enjoy it.  How much fun can that be for her husband?)  After a tough day for him on the job, greet him with a special surprise when he gets home. That will make him feel better!  Give him your loving fellatio several times a month both as foreplay and also as the “main event”.  As you begin to enjoy the oral sex more, you will naturally want to give it more often.  When your oral sex is the main event, let your husband finish in your mouth and joyously welcome and embrace his climax(!) – both the process (him ejaculating) and the product (his semen) – and then, if you can, let him see you swallow his cum.

Here is a related comment from a wife:

A comment from Sue

I have a something that I would like to share.

When my man is feeling a little down, bad day at work or whatever; I always want to show him how much I love him and want to make him feel amazing.  So what I do is I start slow, kissing and touching my man all over.  I kiss his neck up to his ear lobes and then slowly move down his body; I take him in my hands and slowly tease him too build things up even more.  when I have him really turned on and is ready to go a little harder (No pun intended) I take him with both my hand and firmly twist my hand in opposite directions; right hand twisting to the left, left hand going right and moving upwards to the tip.  Then I use my mouth to suck hard on his tip using my tongue fellatio his tip.  This drives him insane, nothing makes him moan so load and cum quickly. 😉

 

 

variety of actions and value of eye contact

Remember to vary your actions while you are giving oral sex to your husband. His enjoyment is enhanced and intensified by changing the stimulation often during your loving fellatio.  Take a break from sucking his penis and use your tongue to lick all around the head and shaft.  Use your lips to caress and nibble at his penis – both the head and shaft.  Use one of your hands to caress, fondle, lightly scratch or cradle his testes (“balls”).  Then return to sucking and stroking.  Licking in the right places feels as good or better than sucking does. But, the variety of sensations – mixing it up for him – is the best for your husband.  Varying your actions also helps to keep you comfortable and lessen any fatigue.

During your oral love session, try to make eye contact (when possible).  Some positions are easier for making eye contact with your husband than others. Eye contact adds value (so to speak) to the shared experience because each of you can see that the other is very involved, engaged and absorbed in the experience. The meeting of your eyes serves to make the experience even more personal and more intimate, and thus more special.  You are both participating in the shared experience.  Your husband is more passively participating and you are more actively participating.  Eye contact need not be constant or for very long periods.  Frequent glances that last for a few seconds is all that is needed.

a fun position for fellatio

The wife on her knees and her husband either sitting or standing is a very popular position for performing fellatio.  This position provides her husband a visual experience that is both very beautiful and very arousing, allows for easy eye contact, and, possibly makes him feel more “dominant”.  The wife always appears beautiful to her husband when giving her loving oral sex.  To make the fellatio from this position easier and more comfortable for the wife, she can place a pillow or a folded towel under her knees when starting, or she might even try sitting on a very small stool.  (Tying your hair back helps free you from any distractions with your hair getting in the way.)

 

oral sex in marriage 2

 

making the visual turn-on for him even more arousing

Here are some simple suggestions.  Come to your marriage bed dressed in lingerie.  Then slowly remove your lingerie before you start caressing his penis. Thus, you are fully nude as you begin to physically stimulate him.  He is experiencing and enjoying both your loving physical stimulation and the visual turn-on (and beauty) of seeing you fully naked in front of him as you suck him. Alternatively, come to bed in your lingerie and then after you have been giving him oral sex for a few minutes, take a short break to remove your lingerie as he watches you.  Then return to your oral sex.  Not fond of lingerie? Coming to bed in a bra and panties works the same.  A sheer bra and/or sheer (“see-thru”) panties that allow your husband to see your nipples and your genital area (especially if you shave) can be very arousing for him even if you decide not to remove these.  For a little visual variety, place a small flower in your hair or wear some brightly colored lipstick for your fellatio.  (You can give him oral sex outside the bedroom in other parts of the house for some visual variety in the background setting.)  This enhanced visual arousal can be helpful in getting your husband to his climax.  Even more helpful and more arousing is making eye contact with him frequently, smiling and letting him see your enthusiasm, how much you are into giving him oral love.

The exciting and intense physical sensations plus the arousing view of your beautiful face and naked woman’s body makes his climax a “total” experience for your husband.  He feels you lovingly sucking and licking his penis as he feels his intense orgasm deep inside all the while gazing upon your feminine beauty and seeing his “manhood” in your mouth.  He is “turned-on” both physically and emotionally and he feels loved!  As the arousal (and tension) builds, he naturally wants to cum for you – and in you!!  Is it any wonder then, wives, that your husband loves ejaculating (cumming) strongly in your warm, wet mouth, especially when he knows that you want him to?!

(Understanding and appreciating how very special and intense this experience is for him can also help you to have a positive mental attitude towards giving oral love.  You and he can enjoy the shared intimacy of this act.  This intimacy and connection are greatest (deepest) when you eagerly welcome and accept his finish.  And, conversely, we can see how reacting very negatively to his semen in your mouth is so very harmful to the intimacy and so offensive to your husband.)

 

 

when he ejaculates

All right, this is the challenge for many wives, especially those who have not yet performed their fellatio to the finish.  So, let’s talk about it so we can help wives become more confident and comfortable in accepting their husband’s finish.

Do not let any mental hangups get in the way for you!  With some experience and practice, you can comfortably manage accepting his ejaculation inside your mouth.  The physical aspects are not difficult.  Do not worry if the first couple of times you do this you feel awkward.  It becomes easier fairly quickly. Important:  Do ask your husband to signal you when he is close to ejaculating.

When you bring him to his climax, try to keep your mouth covering or enclosing the head of his penis as he ejaculates.  You can control how far or deep his penis is inside your mouth by keeping a hand wrapped around his shaft.  Some wives like to take the penis in deep so the ejaculate goes directly down their throat.  This is not easy to do for many wives.  Many wives try to keep just the head or the top of the head in their mouth as their husband cums. As for the sensations, at the time he cums, the head is very sensitive and the shaft not very much.  Therefore, as long as you keep most of the head (resting on your tongue) just inside your mouth he will have a very pleasing experience. While keeping the head in your mouth with your lips wrapped somewhat tightly around it, maintain some stimulation by stroking his penis shaft with a free hand as he ejaculates.  (He may prefer to take over and do this rapid stroking himself. Maintaining stimulation helps him to have a strong and complete ejaculation which is the most intense and enjoyable outcome for him.

If you choose to continue gently sucking on the head as he pumps out his cum, try not to move too far away from his head as you suck.  What we mean is try not to pull away as you suck so that your mouth comes off of his penis head. Short and rapid, or short and slow sucking of the head while keeping most of it inside your mouth works best.  This may not always be possible, especially if he starts thrusting vigorously.  You may find his head comes out of your mouth slightly before plunging back inside.  That is okay as long as his penis re-enters your mouth each time.  If this happens, some semen will come out of your mouth, but that is okay.

If you will be swallowing his cum: you can either wait until he has finished and swallow what is in your mouth; or you could try swallowing as he cums. Find what works easiest for you.  If you will be spitting out the ejaculate, wait until he has completely finished (so he can fully enjoy and fully finish his pleasurable ejaculating), and then after a moment or two, discretely spit the semen into a tissue.  No unhappy faces to ruin the mood.  (The wife, if she prefers, can keep a glass of water or fruit juice nearby for drinking afterwards to eliminate any remaining semen taste.)

Wives: We do suggest that you try swallowing several times.  Give this a fair try.  There is no other way to find out if you can easily do it and if you like to do it.  Many wives who try swallowing find that it is no big deal.  If you know that you are going to try to swallow your husband’s semen, tell him at the start that you want to. Knowing that you want to swallow will add to his enjoyment of your loving fellatio.

But swallow or spit, either way, as discussed above, it is very important that you let him finish in your mouth instead of pulling him out at the last moment, or actually pulling his penis out after he has started cumming.  Do not take the experience for him from a 9 or 10 on the intensity scale down to a 4 or 5 at best.  (If he expects that you will freely accept his ejaculation inside your mouth, do not disappoint him.  Talk about this when you start so you can both be in agreement as to how you will finish your fellatio.)

To repeat:  With some experience, you can fairly easily become comfortable and confident with accepting and experiencing his ejaculation, even when it is strong and produces more semen.  The way to more quickly gain this helpful experience is to practice often.  That is why we encourage wives to give oral love to their husband frequently.  Being comfortable and confident then allows you to be enthusiastic while your husband is ejaculating.  This is of value as your enthusiasm helps to intensify his emotional and mental pleasure.  He can see that you are not merely going through the motions but actually want to share in his climax.  You are in the excitement of the moment with him – connecting with him, and are sharing the intimacy and the pleasure.

definition of terms

We generally use the term “climax” to designate or indicate the entire ejaculatory process, both orgasm and ejaculation. Orgasm is the series of pleasurable internal muscle contractions that precedes your husband’s ejaculation of semen, and also continues while he is ejaculating.  When he begins to feel these contractions (the onset of orgasm), he ought to be telling you that his ejaculation is imminent.  There is some variability here: there can be times when his orgasm can continue for several seconds before he starts ejaculating, and other times when there will only be a few seconds of orgasm and then ejaculation starts.  A longer orgasm prior to ejaculation starting may turn into a longer ejaculation.  Ejaculation, needless to say, is the expelling of the semen through and out of his penis in several spurts or shots, with the initial spurts usually being the strongest.  You will notice there is some variability in your husband’s ejaculations.  A stronger than usual ejaculation can have more spurts, and/or the spurts have more force behind them, and/or there is more semen expelled (“heavier” spurts).  And, sometimes you get all 3 of these together.  A commonly used slang term for ejaculating is “cumming”.

what you can do if your husband takes a long time to climax during oral sex

For some wives, the challenge is that it takes a long time too long  for her husband to cum.  This can cause fatigue and neck and jaw strain.  (Be aware that older men (in their 50s and 60s) may take more time to climax.)  These suggestions may help.  Before you begin, reassure your husband that you are okay with him climaxing in your mouth.  Tell him you want him to finish in your mouth.  For some men, not being able to climax (within a reasonable time) through oral sex is due to mental inhibitions or anxieties.  Get him to a full, firm erection with your hands before you take his penis into your mouth. Then, start off with gentle licks to the head, and some caresses with your closed lips along the underside of his shaft before you move on to sucking. Once you start your sucking, add more variety to your actions, involve your hands more, alternate licking and sucking and stroking – all these can help lessen the strain on you.  As well, there is nothing wrong with taking 10, 15, even 20 seconds off from licking and sucking to just do hand stroking of his shaft all the way up to the head of his penis and then back down.  Gently twist your palm over the head of his penis while you start back down the shaft. That can be very good stimulation for him.  While doing this stroking, you can also with your free hand cup or cradle his testes to add to the sensations.  You can take several of these short breaks from sucking during your fellatio.  (A variation some wives will do when kneeling down in front of their husband and firmly grasping the shaft is to move the head of his penis back and forth across their nipples, or in a circular motion around their nipples.  This can give some rather unique sensations to both the wife and the husband.)

Contrary to what some wives may think, the variety of actions, the frequent changes in stimulation can actually provide a more arousing and exciting experience for the husband and that can help to get him to climax.  Too little variety, too heavy a reliance on sucking might be part of the problem for your husband.  To lessen fatigue and possible jaw strain, try using your hands in combination with your mouth.  Suck/lick only the head at the same time that you hand stroke his shaft.  With your free hand, caress or lightly scratch his testes and/or stimulate his prostate gland by pressing into his perineum (see the last tip below).  As well, encourage your husband verbally as that may help him reach climax sooner.  Show your enthusiasm and tell him that you want to taste him, and/or say while making some eye contact  “Cum for me, baby.   I want your cum, baby.  Give it to me.  . . . . . .  Baby, please cum for me!   Fill my mouth!  Cum for me!  Give me your sweet cum, baby!”  Increasing the rate of your stroking, and/or sucking/licking the head vigorously at this time can help to get him there.  Once he starts to cum, you can slow the pace of your hand stroking some, and be more gentle with your mouth on his penis. (Wives: if your husband rarely can climax from oral sex, do not blame yourself!  A small percentage of men have serious difficulty climaxing in oral sex.  After some oral play, have him climax through intercourse and enjoy it.)

being ready for his ejaculation – reading his body signals

If, in the excitement of the moment, he forgets to warn you that he is about to ejaculate, there are a few signs from his body that will indicate he is getting close.  His testes will pull upwards towards his abdomen, these will be “tight” against his body a short time before he starts cumming.  His penis, including the head, may swell a little larger and become even firmer.  You may feel this as you suck on the head.  A light (not heavy), clear fluid will begin to seep out of his penis.  You may taste this as you suck.  This is the “pre-cum” and tells you his body is preparing for ejaculation.  His body may stiffen and start convulsing (his orgasm) just before the semen starts flowing.  His breathing may become faster.  If you notice any of these, you can be ready when he starts cumming and not be taken by surprise.  As well, when you notice these signs, ask him: “Getting close?” or “You gonna cum for me?”

From a non-Christian forum:

secret fantasies said:

My husband has always wanted me to take his load in my mouth but I found the idea really awful.  Last night things got really heated up and when I felt that he was going to explode (I can tell by the sudden swelling in the head) I didn’t stop.  He wasn’t expecting it and he fxxxing loved it, so did I!!!

 

if your husband cums too quickly

If you notice these signs of impending ejaculation soon after you have started giving oral sex, slow down your stimulation or even stop for a few moments. With your thumb and index finger, encircle the base of his penis and gently but firmly squeeze for several seconds.  (This is known as the “squeeze technique”. Alternatively, squeeze the head of his penis where it meets the shaft.)  This can help to prevent the start of his ejaculation.  When you resume your stimulation, go slower and do not stroke and suck so firmly.  You may need to use this squeeze technique more than once if he is too aroused.

Some men, especially young men, do suffer from premature ejaculation.  In time, and with practice (basically retraining themselves), they can gain more control and be able to last longer.  As well, since oral sex is quite arousing for many husbands, there will be men who reach their climax very quickly.  Ask him to tell you if he is getting there too fast.  If he is, reduce or stop your stimulation for 10 to 20 seconds (or more) before starting again.  (Do not blame yourself if he is too quick to climax.)

Here are a few things to bear in mind:

1. If it has been a few days since your husband has last ejaculated, it can be more difficult for him to “hold back”.  He has some built up sexual tension and more accumulated semen that need releasing.  In that situation, it is not very surprising that he will progress quickly to ejaculation as he feels a more urgent need for release.  When you know that it has been a few days since he has last ejaculated, you can give him oral sex as a “quickie” and can expect that he will cum quickly.

2. The appropriate time for him to take in reaching his climax in oral sex is rather subjective and is specific to the individual couple.  For some married couples, it seems best when the husband reaches his climax after 10 minutes or longer, for others it may be only 5 minutes.  This is based on what you both enjoy and on how long the wife can give her stimulation without becoming fatigued.  When the oral sex lasts for the “right” amount of time for both spouses, it is much more enjoyable for both the wife and the husband.  Not too long, and not too quick.  If he is frequently ejaculating after only a minute or two of oral stimulation, that indicates a problem.  Resources (articles) are available online to help cure this condition of premature ejaculation.

3. Do not think that you must always use a lot of force or be very vigorous and rapid in your stroking, licking and sucking of his penis.  Such rapid, forceful stimulation can cause him to ejaculate too soon.  Try sucking and licking more gently and more slowly.  Vary your actions.  This may seem that you are teasing him, and in a way you are.  But, the slower, less forceful stimulation can build him up more slowly, more gradually yet strongly and then at the appropriate time you and he can both enjoy his strong ejaculation – and both be ready for it.

the taste of semen

If the taste of his semen is unpleasant for you, try moving his penis further back in your mouth, beyond your taste buds, when he cums.  This may or may not be comfortable for you to do.  (So-called “deep throating” is not easy for many wives to do.)  Also, have your husband drink more water and eat more fruit, and avoid particularly bad or strong tasting foods (such as asparagus, garlic, etc.).  Many wives say that this helps make the taste less bitter or salty, and even mildly sweet.

It is also possible to develop a taste for your husband’s semen over time.  This is one of those things that is very subjective and individualistic.  There are wives who say they love the taste of their husband’s cum and take their time in swallowing it, while others “hate” it.  Yet, for many wives, both young and middle-aged, the more times they have tasted their husband’s semen the less “unpleasant” or “different” it seems to them.  To be sure, some wives, not a few, like and enjoy the unique taste from the very first time they experience it. Others become accustomed to it over time.  The point is not to manufacture a fear or dislike of the semen taste before you have even experienced it at least several times.  Do not let taste or texture concerns keep you from letting him finish in your mouth.  As said above, you can keep a glass of water or fruit juice nearby for drinking afterwards.

Here is a relevant comment from a wife on another website.

Robyn on November 20, 2013 at 4:11 pm

Great post!  . . .  A diet high in fruit matters.  Apples, kiwi and melons, although this could be just my preference;  I believe different women have different likes.  But the wives I talk to agree that junk food and preservatives make semen not sweet (and pleasant) but nasty.

As to texture, we offer this comment.

LyndaSoo says:  May 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I have never minded the taste, and really like the idea of completely pleasing my husband – the only trouble I run into from time to time, is that it’s much chunkier at certain times,….when it’s too thick it will make me gag.  Any tips on keeping him ” Fluid”????

Proper hydration (drinking more fluids, especially water) can help to thin his semen.  More frequent ejaculations will also serve to lessen the thickness or “chunkiness”.

tips for accepting strong and/or lengthy ejaculations (with large semen volume)

Note:  There are many factors that contribute to how much semen your husband will produce in any given ejaculation, but in general, young men tend to ejaculate more semen than middle-aged and older men, sometimes significantly more.

 

 

Many wives remark that their husband “cums a lot”, or that he frequently produces a large volume of semen during oral sex and it can be difficult to deal with.  Large volume, and lengthy ejaculations can be handled.  The same suggestions here that apply for the wife whose husband only rarely pumps out a very big load can also help the wife whose husband is a heavy ejaculator in most oral sex sessions.  If it has been some time (a few days or more) since your husband has last ejaculated, his “load” will likely be larger.  That is normal.  You can deal with this by having intercourse with him earlier in the day (or on the previous evening), before you give him oral sex.  Then during oral sex when he finishes he will not likely be pumping so much cum into your mouth.  The volume of semen may still seem large to you, but will likely be less than it would have been.  As well, proper hydration will help to keep his semen from becoming too thick.  Have your husband drink enough water each day.  Bear in mind that your attitude towards his semen is a key factor here!  For the wives who are not “grossed out” by the semen, when there is more of it they can usually adjust to that and not be unduly uncomfortable. Of course, the wife who still has a mental aversion to receiving any cum in her mouth is likely going to have difficulty when there is a large volume of it spurting into her mouth.  Simply letting go of the (groundless) negative mental attitude can be the biggest help in this situation.

When he blasts out a large volume of semen, larger than usual – and this will happen from time to time – you can try swallowing as he cums, or wait until he is done and swallow in one big gulp or several smaller swallows.  If you choose instead to spit out the semen, it can be a boost to his ego and a nice visual to spit it into your palm as he watches and show him how much he gave you. And, you can compliment him on his large ejaculation.  A variation for when you want to swallow is to hold as much as you can inside until he is done, and then open your mouth prior to swallowing so he can see it was a big load.  Find what works best and is easier for you.  Do not stress if during his lengthy ejaculation some semen spills out of your mouth.  (But, hang in there and continue sucking and/or stroking his penis while he ejaculates.  One woman marriage/sex blogger suggests keeping your mouth “still” around the head (i.e. not sucking) while continuing your gentle hand stroking of his shaft, “milking his shaft”, as he cums.)  Retain and swallow what you can and are comfortable with.

If you are feeling overwhelmed during his ejaculation, open your lips more so the excess can drain out.  If your gag reflex is kicking in from the force of his spurts, or because his penis is too far back in your mouth, or both, you can direct his penis into the inside of your cheek, point it towards the roof of your mouth, or ease back so that only the head of the penis is in the front of your mouth and try to keep the stimulation going.  These options ought to sufficiently blunt the force of his spurts so these are not too much for you. For these reasons, many wives prefer to suck only the head when their husband ejaculates.  (This is also the easiest option for the wife who has a small mouth and whose husband has a larger/thicker than average penis.)  Again, find what works best for you.  As soon as the first and strongest few spurts are past, you can take him in again deeper if you like until he is completely finished. However you manage receiving his ejaculation, strong as it may be, do not hastily remove his penis from your mouth while he is ejaculating.  That is a no-no.

Some, perhaps many men feel more masculine (or virile) when they give their wife such a large load (that he sees) that she “struggles” with receiving and/or “struggles” with swallowing all of it.   This can be an ego boost for your husband.  But, play along, and “woman up” to the challenge as best you can while you show your husband your complete acceptance of him and your love for him.  He will appreciate your efforts.  (And, to repeat, do not stress if this gets messy and you cannot keep all the semen in your mouth.)  The important thing at these times, is to try to have fun with it.

 

You can either react like this:

 

 

Or, you can choose to let go and enjoy the moment with him.

 

 

making your husband feel even more special after he has finished

Try saying something nice when you are done.  (Seriously.)  If his cum tasted good to you, be sure to tell him so, and/or compliment him on his large output or for cumming for longer (more spurts) than usual.  “That was a lot of cum, honey!  Did not expect soooo much.  Nice taste, too.”  or  “Hmmmmm. Sweet.  . . . .  Great cumshot, dear!”  or  “Baby, that was a BIG finish!!  I love your warm cum.”  or “I love how hard and big your cock gets when you cum.” This will make him feel even more special and conveys to him that you enjoyed the experience, challenging though it was.  😉  Being enthusiastic at the finish and making some positive remarks also shows him that you truly appreciate and value his climax, both the cumming and the cum – and that is a powerful, loving message of acceptance that you give to your husband (which makes your loving oral sex that much better!)

And, don’t forget that facial expressions also convey how you feel.

 

 

some wives enjoy the larger “loads”

For the wife (and there are many) that digs the taste and loves swallowing, a bigger volume of cum can be an exciting, welcome and special treat.  Thus, for some wives, a big load is desired in oral sex.

a helpful comment from a wife

Here is a helpful comment that relates to several of these tips (which we indicate by using other colors for the text).

Deirdre | Jan 7, 2011 at 3:46 PM

When my husband is going to cum he tells me, and I hold his penis shaft in one hand and rub it so that he cums just inside my mouth and I can use my tongue all around the head of his penis.  With the other hand I stroke his balls, which get very tight when he cums.  This is for the reason you mention, the thrust can gag me and that is no fun.

Deirdre’s husband signals her when he is close to his climax.  Thus, she can be ready to receive it.  She positions his penis so that during ejaculation the thrusting penis and spurting semen do not gag her.  She continues thoroughly stimulating him (very important) with her tongue “all around” the head of his penis, with one hand stroking and controlling the shaft, and with her other hand by stroking or caressing his balls while he is cumming.  She notes that his balls “get very tight when he cums”.  As indicated above, these pull up closer to his abdomen and do not hang or move freely as ejaculation approaches.

post ejaculation sucking:  prolonging the special intimacy

It adds a little extra pleasure and keeps the shared intimacy going for a while longer when you continue gently sucking and licking his penis after he has finished.  If this is too much for your husband – as the penis’ head can become more sensitive just after ejaculation –  then gently and lovingly caress and/or stroke his softening penis for a few moments after his climax.  You may also gently caress or hold his balls as you lovingly play with his penis. This is a nice way to wind things down and avoids an abrupt ending for him, so give this playful and tender, post ejaculation intimacy a try!  You might say that this is the exclamation point you put on your loving fellatio.  Continuing your oral love of his penis also shows your husband you are completely comfortable with accepting his semen and are not hurriedly backing away after he has climaxed.  This can be quite erotic for both of you.  You can do this gentle sucking and licking after you have swallowed; or for the non-swallower, his cum will drain out of your mouth as you keep sucking and licking while he softens.  And, by mentally focusing on your gentle sucking, you do not have to focus so much on the cum in your mouth if you are not yet fully comfortable with it.  Wives: You should do this and prolong the shared intimacy.  It is easy to do and it does make a positive and noticeable difference!

 

 

 

a few words on “facials” – an adventurous or “hot” alternative to swallowing

“Cum on my face.”

“Please cum all over my face.”

Young wives, if your husband frequently produces a large load of cum during your fellatio and/or ejaculates for many spurts (young husbands often are strong ejaculators – even when they ejaculate frequently, daily – and that can pose a challenge for some young wives), there is another option you might try.  At the start, you can tell him that you prefer that he finish on your breasts and/or your face.  “Baby, I want to see you cum.  Cover my breasts.  Please cum on my face.  I want you to cum on my face.”  You need not think this is degrading to you.  This is one way to finish a loving act with your husband, and it can be fun if you do not get hung up mentally over it.  This may require you to let go of some mental inhibitions.  If you are comfortable with his semen, then taking a facial is not going to be difficult at all for you.  Yet, there are wives who, though okay with receiving the cum in their mouth, are reluctant to take it on their face.  Conversely, there are wives who have no hesitation taking their husband’s ejaculation on their face and/or breasts, yet do not like (and prefer not) to accept it in their mouth.  Many younger wives (both Christian and non-Christian) and a steadily growing number of middle-aged wives are trying “facials” and many do enjoy them (see comments below).  It comes down to your mental attitude, and you can change that!

By agreeing to this in the beginning, there are no unexpected and disappointing surprises when he signals you he is close.  He knows in advance that you will be removing his penis from your mouth just prior to him ejaculating.  When you do, let him take over the stroking of his penis, and give him a target by sticking your tongue out in anticipation of him cumming.  In the several or more seconds while he is stroking himself to his ejaculation, while gazing up at him, you can also give him some quick verbal reassurance and encouragement by saying – with some enthusiasm and expectation in your voice – something like this:  “Cum on my face.  Yes.  Yes.  Please cum on my face.  Yeah, I want it.  Cum all over my face!”  Or:  “Oh, yeah!  I’m ready for that cum.  Give it to me, baby.  . . . Please cum all over my face.”  Or:  “Oh yeah, baby . . . . I want your cum all over my face.”  Or, simply:  “Come on baby, give me your cum . . . all over my face.”  The idea here is to make sure he knows that you really want his cum!  And, hearing you tell him to cum on your face is incredibly erotic for your husband.  (As he starts cumming, if you like, you can cradle or very gently stroke his balls with one hand during his ejaculation as this may help him to cum.)  When you show your husband this positive, affirming attitude, this eagerness to receive his ejaculation, he should have no problem, no hesitation in cumming strong for you.  And, as he knows that you want his cum on your face, he will aim for your face.

Do not back away as he starts ejaculating(!) – this is a shared and intimate way to finish your oral sex, so stay with him while he cums for you.  Be close to him.  You can place your hands on the sides of his thighs if it helps you to keep in position; if necessary pull yourself in closer to him and his penis when he starts ejaculating.  (Do not be surprised if your husband places one of his hands behind your head to pull you closer to his penis.)   The idea behind or the purpose of a “facial” is to receive his semen on your face.  You and he are trying this as a fun, adventurous act.  You are stretching your comfort zone. And, you can help him to cover your face with his cum by getting and staying near him and his penis.  It is not much of a facial if most of the ejaculate misses your face!  (The wife can, if she wants, slip on a pair of glasses, even sunglasses at the start to protect her eyes from the spurts.  This can give her more confidence that she can receive the facial without discomfort.)  As you can imagine, this can get messy (but that is part of the fun).  So make sure you are in a place that allows for easy cleanup.  If you are not quite ready to try having your husband cum on your face, but you want to try a new and fun way to finish your oral sex, you can have him ejaculate over or on to your breasts.

(For the husbands, you know how strongly you can ejaculate.  Help your wife out here gently.   If your first shots are quite strong, have her back away a little so you do not “shoot” beyond her head and face.  Then, after the first couple of shots, guide her back in closer to your penis.  As said above, it is not much of a facial if most of the semen ends up not on her face but everywhere else.  As well, keep directing your penis towards her face, but not towards her eyes. This may require “aiming” your penis towards her mouth, or to the side of her face in the area of her cheeks.  With a little practice, both you and your wife can playfully enjoy your ejaculating and the resulting facial.)

This can be an exciting visual for him and for you and does add some variety to the finish, and you thereby avoid accepting a forceful, lengthy, and copious (in volume) ejaculation in your mouth.  Some wives enjoy seeing the semen pulsing or squirting out, the more so when there is a large volume of it in several spurts.  If you enjoy the show, tell him so.  When he is done, you can, of course, taste and swallow some of his cum if you like – and you should. (You can also massage or rub the semen into your skin as the nutrients can be absorbed into your skin.)  Do not forget: some tender post ejaculation sucking and licking of his penis adds to the shared intimacy for the two of you and to the feeling for him of your complete acceptance of him.

But, let me stress that this playful option ought to be more the exception than the rule on how you finish him off.  Freely accepting his ejaculation in your mouth is more emotionally intimate and more physically gratifying for your husband.  With more experience and confidence, you will find accepting his strong ejaculations becomes easier as you know what to expect, you recognize the signs of his approaching climax (even if he forgets to signal you), you learn how best to position his penis in your mouth, you become more accustomed to the penis throbbing and to the spurting semen, and you are more comfortable with the taste and texture of his cum – so, do not be discouraged.

Here are a few relevant comments from wives who accept the semen outside of their mouth often.

Mary N says:   March 14th, 2015 at 1:20 pm

I’ve commented on this topic before.  It was the solution to our incomparable size problem.  Entering was painful for both of us until we started having oral sex.  When he gives oral to me he can enter with no problem if he gives it till I orgasm.  If I give him oral it gives me great pleasure to see him enjoying his manhood.  It took time and practice. He is a high quantity producer of semen so having semen all over my face or breasts is quite common.  Love it.

Catherine says:   July 10th, 2015 at 6:28 pm

I love treating my husband to a slow sensuous blow job.  Especially when he least expects it!  He often works from home, and sometimes I go under his desk in his home office and unzip him, and suck him sweetly.  One confession though – I don’t like the taste of his semen so tend to let him spray outside on my face or breasts when he blows.

Mary | September 29, 2015 at 4:08 pm

My man is so fascinated that I enjoy his semen.  I think that’s why it gets so messy lol

M  November 29, 2015 at 3:46 pm

Giving advice to couples to enjoy there intimate sex lives is so needed in a perverted world.  We are a couple with a nifty secret.  We love oral sex best after 30+ years.  I am a naughty wife with a happy husband!  As a wife I love his response.  It gets messy but it’s fun 😉

And one related comment from a husband:

Harry  August 11, 2015 at 9:36 am

My wife doesn’t like the taste or texture of semen in her mouth, so as I get close to orgasm I pull out and come all over her face.  She seems to prefer this method and it’s quite exciting for me.

 

giving some loving attention to his balls; and intensifying his climax (when that is desired)

A final tip for wives is to gently caress, stroke or cradle your husband’s testes (also known as “balls”) with one hand as this can enhance the pleasurable sensations he is receiving/experiencing.  (This may also help if your husband takes a long time to cum during oral sex.  The added stimulation may get him there in less time and save you from becoming fatigued.)  Doing so as he nears his climax and while he is climaxing may help him to have a stronger climax (and possibly more output).

Alternatively, as his orgasm approaches, switching (with your free hand) to pressing into the perineum and thereby stimulating his prostate gland can also serve to intensify his climax.  This stimulation of the prostate can be more effective in intensifying his climax than cradling his balls.  He will have and feel stronger contractions and his spurts can be more forceful.  There may be more cum as the stronger contractions more fully empty the prostate.  (The perineum is the area behind his balls and in front of his anus.  The prostate gland, that reservoir of semen, sits just above this area.)  It really is true that a stronger and/or longer orgasm and ejaculation means a more intensely pleasurable experience for your husband, and indicates that you did a “great job”.  When you want him to cum strongly for you, give this a try.

Combining some of these tips can make for an explosive finish.  Try slowly building him up near to the point of climax and then reducing or even stopping your stimulation for several or more seconds.  If needed, use the squeeze technique if he gets too close to cumming.  Repeat this build up followed by a reduction of your stimulation a few to several times to steadily increase his accumulated tension and his desire for release.  As you lengthen out your oral sex, he may become very desirous of release.  It may seem that you are “torturing” him by not letting him finish, but this agony is necessary to work up to the eventual stellar climax that you both want.  You may have to use the squeeze technique more often the longer into this process you are. Be sure to give some loving attention to his balls to add to the experience for him.  Then, when he cannot take it any longer, let him cum while you, with your finger tips (the pads of your finger tips), press firmly up into his perineum and/or firmly caress this area with your fingers just before and while he is cumming.  From this extended build up of tension, he will experience very intense internal muscle contractions (his orgasm) followed by a strong ejaculation.  This will make the finish memorable for the 2 of you! But, be warned, he will spurt more forcefully and there will likely be more cum blasting out.  So, you may want to have only the head of his penis in your mouth at the finish, and possibly point it into the inside of your cheek.  If you like receiving a large volume of his cum and enjoy tasting and swallowing a lot of it at one time, this may be the best way to get the desired result.  (If you try this extended build up when you are asking him to finish on your face or breasts, you will likely be covered in his cum.)

Here is a great, thorough yet concise article (recently written by a Christian wife) on how to give good oral sex to your husband. It deals with technique. We highly recommend it.

http://christiansexclass.org/2015/07/13/how-to-love-your-husband-with-oral-sex/

And, another insightful, helpful post by this same blogger:

https://www.awaken-love.net/2017/04/10/is-giving-oral-sex-arousing-for-you/

 

conclusion

Here are words to think on. 

“Sexual intimacy in marriage is a form of worship to God!!!” as one wife commented on a Christian marriage blog.

Cherish and value your spouse.  Make the effort to help he or she achieve sexual fulfillment and satisfaction with you.  You will thereby strengthen your loving marriage bond.

Feel free to share your thoughts below if you like in the comments area.

Recommended reading

For a thoughtful, well written article by a Christian wife with numerous reader comments, click this link:

http://intimacyinmarriage.com/2015/03/07/how-to-give-great-oral-sex-to-your-husband/

Here is a relevant essay written for Christian wives by a Christian husband that can be helpful.

http://thegiftofsex.com/2012/08/22/why-a-christian-wife-should-perform-oral-sex-on-her-husband/

Our essay was completed in draft form last week, but yesterday I came across this next post.  (The power of coincidences!)  Written by a Christian wife, we highly recommend it for wives who feel uncomfortable with giving oral sex to their husband.

http://delightyourmarriage.com/oral-sex-should-be-in-your-marriage/

Here is another helpful post by a husband and wife team:

http://intouchmarriage.com/blog/2014/08/22/you-know-he-wants-it/

Interested readers can also look on our Marriage and Sex page on the blog site for more essays relating to marriage in its various aspects.

copyright 2015 – larrysmusings.com

We have today, 11 February 2015, linked our essay here:

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2015/02/hard-reach-orgasm/

 

heart in the open 2

36 thoughts on “spicing up married lovemaking: oral sex

  1. I would say that it is hard for women to handle the mental thing of giving oral sex. For me, it was all about cleanliness. It was hard at first me to get over the smells I assumed I’d encounter. It is not so hard for me now, but it took a lot of years. I would suggest any woman to at least give it a chance, but don’t be afraid to tell your husband to get cleaned up first. Nothing wrong with that.

    • Thanks Keelie for your comment. Yes, coming to the marriage bed clean and fresh is important. I don’t think a man will have a problem washing up in preparation for what he is going to receive – and most men desire to receive oral sex from their wife.

      As to the mental thing, that seems to be the biggest challenge for wives giving oral sex. A person can make a little effort to expand their comfort zone. With some experience with oral sex, most women find that it really is not so difficult to do. The main point here is that for the wife who has a mental inhibition to giving oral sex, she ought to ask herself why. Is it concerns about cleanliness, safety or health concerns, or religious concerns? These concerns can be let go of. (We briefly addressed the health/safety concern above in the essay.) As many Christian marriage bloggers have written: oral sex within one’s marriage is okay and is certainly not wrong or “bad”.

    • Keelie, I love your comment on this. It brings up a point that rarely gets any attention when talking about blow jobs. That point being: women aren’t odorless or flavorless downstairs.

      My first journey to heaven was like a trip to the landfill. It was a little gross. Unlike most accounts we may read, the vagina isn’t the sweet “honey pot” its advertised to be. The flavor and aroma are more akin to the fishy description we’ve all heard about.

      It took me a while to grow accustomed to Heather’s flavor and aroma. I continued eating her because I love giving her pleasure. On many occasions, I’ve been down there for over 2 hours. Being she’s multi-orgasmic, we counted 42 orgasms in one night.

      She has gone down on me only once in 30 years that lasted longer than 15 minutes. It’s the only time she’s swallowed my cum. Being she allowed me to record it, I can tell you it lasted 24 minutes. I have NEVER felt more loved and accepted. This happened in the last 6 months.

      It’s not to say she didn’t try. But I knew from her attitude and language that she didn’t want it. She was always less than enthusiastic, and would ask, “do you want to cum in my mouth?” Well, yes I did, but I knew she really didn’t want it so I would say no.

      In the link that follows, I wrote about my “Perfect Blowjob”. Part of it is the language she used. Instead of asking me if I wanted to cum in her mouth, she stated that she WANTED me to cum in her mouth. HUGE DIFFERENCE!

      Read about it at the link below.

      http://marriedheat.com/perfect-blowjob/

      • Thanks Marriedheat for your comment. Your linked article was very well done. When a man’s wife wants to receive the ejaculation in her mouth, it makes a huge difference to him. An enthusiastic wife who is genuinely enjoying herself while giving oral sex makes the experience sooooo much better for her husband. That is something for wives to think about.

  2. Our case is special. My husband came from a very needy church going family. He is a 8 th grade education man husband of 30+ years smart and a very good provider always was. He always said it’s my duty. I was a teacher but retired when we got married at 23and 25 years of age. The care for our childern was always more important then sex, and I refer to raising childern with a holy respect for God. They are now married and with great joy we can say they love the Lord. I was for many years not well health wise never really fealing strong and my husband was very often struggling with depression. It was a marriage built on commitment not warm fuzziers. But our sex life was alway last on my priorities.Our problems sex wise had to do with my inability to understand that my husbands love language was sex. Our bodies were incompatable. He’s huge and I mean huge and I’m small sex just down right hurt both of us and I was too proud and selfish to allow us to try to work on a solution. The solution was oral sex.(25 or so years later?)One day he was very nervous and stopped me from my work and siad I need to ask you something?Can we take a shower together? I laughed and siad “no I’m buzzy”! I won’t tell you the details but you know what he wanted. I never realized that submitting to my husband was so important and that day taught me its very important. It took time. Here is the story that changed our sex life. We live in a very private place and I made sure when we were home together that I was washed and walked around the house naked from time to time. I knew by now that to allowed him to give me the most amazing orgasms a women could ever ask for was a great honor to him. You understand why I would do this😜 To be honest I was kind of selfish about doing this. Returning the favor was left in my court. It took me a while to catch on but I did. At first it was awkward but I learned quicky by studing his reaction. I would always know when he was ready to ejeculate and I would lick more that suck. ( my jaw would get tired because of his size) he would pinch off and he would mostly either ejaculate in a towel or my vagina. ( we discovered that oral for play works so well that he can actually get it in) but sometimes I say just surprise me. The first time I siad that to him he looked at me and siad “do you really mean that” yes ” you are sure” yes. He was gone out of town for a number of days and when he got home I did the wash and nude thing. He had quiet a build up of semen his testicials are huge so produces big time. He had that look in his eyes and I knew he was going to enjoy this one😍 I usually have trouble with his size in my mouth but this time I tried to keep up having him inside my mouth thinking he would want to ejaculate in my mouth. He was sitting on a tall chair I was with knees on a pillow in front of him and kept thinking i can’t believe my husband is going to ejaculate in my mouth and I’m excited for him. I took my time but slowly on I knew he was coming close. He pulled he penis back and ejaculated in my hair!! It was thick and he rubed it through and it was so gratifying to know I gave him his treat. He rubbed my nipples and I also had an orgasm. He told me later when he was 11 years old he discovered his own semen and was so amazed that he then already though some day I’m going to squirt this in my wife’s hair. Here is my take. Please realize sex may never be your idol. But the man and a women in the garden years ago before the fall was a wonder thing. I wonder what they all tried?😄😄😄( I tell this story because it needs to be told)

    • Thanks Eve for your story. Let me respond to just a few of the points you raise. Yes, for men, sex is their love language. Sadly, many Christian and non-Christian wives do not understand or fully appreciate this. Let us keep in mind that a stronger, more loving, more fulfilling sexual relationship between the spouses also strengthens the marriage bond and that is good for both the spouses and for their children.

      The emotional and psychological component for the husband is important in fellatio. It is not just physical for the man. Many wives do not realize just how much power they have over their husband’s pleasure in this loving act. As well, the husband needs to orally pleasure his wife, and she should let him do this.

      As noted in the essay above, for the wife who has a small mouth and whose husband’s penis is large, she can try sucking only on the head of the penis as that may help. Using her hands more in addition to her mouth also helps and takes some pressure off her mouth so to speak. Licking around the head can be very arousing and used in combination with sucking can help bring the man to his climax more quickly.

      In another essay, we addressed the man’s ejaculation occurring outside his wife’s mouth as an option to use from time to time. As some wives enjoy seeing the semen spurting out, this can be a fun (if messy) way to finish the fellatio for both spouses. But, we think that it is better that when the oral sex is the main event (and not foreplay) that the man finish in his wife’s mouth on most occasions. (We refer back to the essay above for why this is important for the husband.) If large volumes of semen are a challenge for the wife, more frequent intercourse can be engaged in. Thus, when the wife gives oral sex to completion there will not be so much of a “buildup”. With some experience, most wives do not have much of a problem with accepting the semen in their mouth. Overcoming the mental block is the key for many women. And, it is better to over come or discard this mental block/fear sooner rather than later. (It is such an exaggerated fear for some wives.)

      • My wife showed me what she wrote. It’s for the most part very true. I can’t believe she shared that story it’s very private and it should remain that way. It may be a very rare story but we are happier today as a couple then ever. We could never imagine thinking this could be possible years ago. Our sex life is a reflection of our love for each other. Too many couples make sex their idol and the love respect and tenderness comes last. We were never lacking the first. To be honest it brought emotions of gratitude to read what she wrote. My life had been so lonely before I met her those many years ago. I am a man that thinks deep and had a hard time expressing my sexual desire. It’s very true I produce lots of semen and it feels so manly. Not that men that have a lesser sex drive are lesser men. But the fact that my penis was so big it hurt was very very difficult to accept. Oral sex for me was always my desire to try. But I assumed it was not something a prim and proper school teacher would except as part of our sex lives. That story of me ejeculating in her hair was just beautiful. It actually took her some effort to wash it out. Today anything goes we love being naked together. I still give her more oral sex then she gives me. But when she does about once a week or ten days it’s special she seems to like facials but she says the taste is kind of nice too.

  3. Thanks Adam for your comment. To clarify, we are not implying that couples ought to make an “idol” out of sex. That said, the sexual love between the spouses should be mutually satisfying and not be unduly restricted in its range of expression. Christian married couples ought to have frequent, passionate sex within their marriage. Regrettably, Christianity allowed some very non-Christian concepts into the religion in the early centuries. An ascetic lifestyle or outlook, a hatred of the flesh, a sexual pessimism as regards married sex – all these have made many Christians feel uncomfortable and/or inhibited in their sexual relationship with their spouse. That is one of the reasons there are so many Christian marriage bloggers and writers today. There is a need to undo this harmful view of sex. Progress is being made and married persons are benefiting from a more healthy, mature and rational appreciation of their sexuality.

    • Tammy, it’s not a joke. If you’re having problems with your husband going down on you, there has to be a reason. I’m not sure I comprehend why any man wouldn’t want to give oral pleasure to his wife. Can you give a little more insight to his reasons?

      Personally, most times I haven’t gone down on my wife was she wouldn’t let me (cleanliness, time of the month, etc). I can understand, and stated in my comment above, it sometimes takes a while to adjust to flavor and scent.

  4. Anonymous Adam. It’s so strange that the topic both of us love to talk about is still the topic none of our friends and family especially family don’t known we love to talk about that’s why we read christian sites dealing with married sex. Our hearts sink when we know we live in a world so perverted sexually. It’s distroying marriage. Guilt needs to be dealt with! When we both wrote our stories I hope it brings hope for others. Oral sex is not for every couple many can have a forefilled sex live without it. BUT!!! for us it is just tops😛 it leave memories that last and we talk about latter. Things like remember the first time we…..and this builds on the next. You need to write something on the very gray topic of nude couple vacations. We have done this just a few months ago. We found a place that only allows couples male female of course. It was very private thing we did. That was very important. It was an expensive few days. With only twelve other couples there we got to know them somewhat. Many would think that it would be a very immoral place. It wasn’t it was actually very a very sexually pure time. Sitting in a hot tub with three other couples and just talking about anything including our sex lives. Being very happy that sex in marriage is good and NORMAL is reassuring. But it is a very gray area crossing the line would be aweful.

    • Yes, oral sex may not be for every couple, but we think that every married couple should consider giving it a try. Many couples that were hesitant to give and receive oral sex have found (after trying it) the beauty and the intimacy of the act to be enriching to their sexual relationship with their spouse. Sometimes we need to take courage and stretch our comfort zone so that we can grow.

      You point out that talking about sex within marriage is still taboo among family members and friends. That is a big part of the popularity of Christian marriage blogs. Individuals and couples can read about, and discuss marriage and sex topics from a Christian perspective while remaining anonymous and not feeling embarrassed. There is a need for these blogs.

  5. Your right. You should write about naked time together and waiting all day to have sex and just being together naked. We go for the day to a nudist club for couples only no sex allowed but we find seeing other couples naked together and knowing they are doing the same thing we are doing. Makes for a pure uninhibited sex time later.

  6. One indication of how important something is to the members of a culture is to count how many names there are for different varieties of the object in question. Take automobiles, for instance. We have a myriad of words that make fine distinctions between kinds of cars: Sedan, SUV, coupe, wagon, crossover, minivan, sports, subcompact, luxury, hatchback, convertible, and roadster. One could make a similar case for the importance of semen in our culture since it goes by numerous appellations as well: splooge, spunk, sperm, semen, seed, man juice, love liquid, load, cream, ejaculate, wad. However, unlike cars, that can be categorized based on subtle differences, to my knowledge cum is a fairly homogenous substance, although I am convinced that if someone invented a designer variety of it, there would be many a willing consumer.

    Perhaps our fixation on a seminal fluid is merely a reflection of a culture that is obsessed with all things sexual. For example, it is the only tangible evidence of successful intercourse, at least from the male perspective, which is arguably why it is featured so prominently as the money shot in pornography. As far a the propagation of the human species is concerned, male seed it the most apparent player in conception. The slow and silent journey of the invisible female ovum is simply overpowered by the explosive ejection of semen which is normally accompanied by raucous orgasmic vocalizations.

    God created our bodies, not only for childbearing but as tools for physical pleasure. (If one doubts that pleasure was not one of the principal outcomes of the design, one needs to ask what function the clitoris plays in procreation.) Therefore, all aspects of the human sexual response, including ejaculation, are God-given by design. As is the case with all of God’s creations, Satan takes them and perverts them according to his evil purposes. He transforms joyous sexual unions into twisted acts of selfishness such as rape, incest, sadism, and pornography. In like manner, a man’s liquid contribution to human life, the symbol of his physical, spiritual, and emotional bonding with his spouse is similarly debased. One only has to look at how it is often portrayed in pornographic literature as a means of expressing aggression toward, dominance over, and degradation of women.

    The question I ask myself is this: Why am I obsessed with cum? Why, in a loving, egalitarian, Christian marriage do I relish knowing that my spouse is feeling my pulsating manhood filling her with my hot liquids? When the carnal desires for my wife well up inside of me and need to be unleashed, why do I derive so much pleasure by telling her that I need to squirt my juices all over her body? Why do I crave the times she begs me to cum on her breasts, then willingly obey her demands, and feel such an intense sense of satisfaction upon hearing her gasp in delight as she watches me squirt my love onto her chest? Why is cumming in her mouth as she pleasures me with her lips and tongue such an emotionally and profoundly bonding experience? I need to emphasize that it isn’t merely the orgasm that is the cause of these emotional reactions, but the fact that my wife is touching, feeling, tasting, and seeing my cum. I am obsessed with having her enjoy my cum, not just my pleasure.

    The most reasonable answer to this question is that my cum is a gift. It emanates from the deepest recesses of my body just like my love for my spouse springs from the core of my most inner self. When she acknowledges my gift, relishes the sight of it issuing forth from my body, and lovingly accepts it into her own, it is an intimate token of her total and complete acceptance of me as her companion, husband, and lover. At the same time, my gift of cum is her creation. It is the physical manifestation of the emotional and spiritual connection that I feel for her because she has given me the gift of her body, her very soul, her most intimate self in bringing me to ecstasy. In life, I exchange gifts with many people, but my cum is a sacred gift. Along with my desires, my devotion, and my fidelity, it is a gift that only she receives. It is the product of the union of my body with hers and no other. Therefore, I am obsessed with cum because I am obsessed with the intimate bonds of love that tie me to my wife and her alone.

    • Thank you Austin for your well thought and insightful comment. Well said.

      It is a pity that more Christian wives do not fully appreciate the points you raise. As regards oral sex, how can the wife not think that it is very important to her husband to climax from her actions? And, how can she doubt that it is so very important and special to her husband that she joyously welcome his climax and his cum? Fortunately, thanks to Christian marriage bloggers and speakers, many of whom are wives themselves, we are having this discussion and attitudes are changing. Many formerly reluctant wives are now trying oral sex with a more loving and giving mental attitude – and they are finding that it does enhance their shared sexual intimacy with their husband.

      From your comment above: “Why is cumming in her mouth as she pleasures me with her lips and tongue such an emotionally and profoundly bonding experience? I need to emphasize that it isn’t merely the orgasm that is the cause of these emotional reactions, but the fact that my wife is touching, feeling, tasting, and seeing my cum. I am obsessed with having her enjoy my cum, not just my pleasure.”

      This is an important and very relevant point. Wives, once they consciously work on their mental attitude towards giving oral sex, find first (through their very own experiences) that they enjoy giving their husband this intense and satisfying pleasure. With more experience giving oral sex through to climax, many wives find they are more comfortable with accepting their husband’s cum. One might say they become acclimated to it and its taste, texture, temperature, etc. It is then that the wife may find (to her surprise) that she likes her husband’s cum and looks forward rather enthusiastically to his ejaculation so she can enjoy it. The key for so many wives is getting past their initial negative mental attitudes and groundless fears about giving oral sex and accepting the semen. As well, some wives, after re-evalutaing their mindset or attitude, will think of their husband’s semen in a much more positive light and consider what it represents, and that it is a special gift. These wives consciously cultivate a very positive mental attitude towards the semen and then embrace it when their husband gives it to them.

      I would say that most husbands want for their wife to desire, enjoy, appreciate and value their cum. (This may have to do with male psychology.) And, you are completely correct: It is the wife’s joyous acceptance of – and experiencing – her husband’s “gift” of his semen that is so emotionally gratifying for her husband. It is his wife’s total acceptance that makes oral sex so much more than physical for the husband. Knowing that she desires his semen is itself a huge turn-on for the husband. (Conversely, the wife who accepts her husband’s ejaculation inside her mouth and then reacts negatively does harm her husband emotionally.)

      This is why I urge wives to try accepting their husband’s semen and swallowing it several times. Sure, it may be different, even seem “weird” at first to do this. But, a wife should keep at it with the confidence that in fairly little time it becomes so much easier to do. There rarely are physical reasons that would prevent her from doing this for her husband. Mental inhibitions are learned and these can be unlearned!

      • There is a way to get 95% of the pleasure of cumming inside your wife’s mouth without actually doing it. Many women get their husbands most of the way there orally, then pull it out and finish by hand. I agree that a warm, wet mouth and a practiced tongue feel much better than the best hand. For this method to work the husband has to announce he’s cumming so his spouse can remove his cock and either pin it against his belly, or hold it in place with her hand. Although his cock is not in her mouth, if she maintains contact between her tongue and lips and his sensitive underside just below the head of the cock, most of the pleasure benefits are kept. Some of the most explosive orgasms my wife has given me has been when she’s finished me by rubbing her tongue and lips rapidly back and forth on the underside. She usually gets a little cum on her face this way. The downside of this method is that I often end up shooting into her hair.

      • Thanks for your comment.

        To be sure, the husband should signal his wife when he is fast approaching his climax. Being prepared for it makes it easier to accept. For her enjoyment and comfort, this is a given. (“Honey, I am real close now.” – is all it takes.)

        “Some of the most explosive orgasms my wife has given me has been when she’s finished me by rubbing her tongue and lips rapidly back and forth on the underside.”

        Yes, this technique or approach works well at the finish and does give some rather unique and very pleasurable sensations. Wives can use it to add variety to the finish. A loving wife does not always have to accept the ejaculation inside her mouth. The advice I give to wives is that most husbands would prefer to finish in her mouth a fair percentage of the time. So, mix it up if that works for both of you, but let him blissfully pump away inside your mouth at least some of the time.

        The technique you describe also allows the wife, if she wishes, to taste/swallow some ejaculate from her face and/or the head of his penis.

        Another variation of finishing through hand stimulation is the “facial”. This is a more adventurous maneuver. If and when the wife reaches the comfort level with her husband’s semen that she is willing to try this, it can be an exciting visual for both her and her husband. As noted in the appendix above, she can slip on a pair of glasses, even sunglasses, if she is concerned with protecting her eyes from forceful “shots” at close range. This is not for everyone, but for those who are okay with it this can be done once in a while.

  7. I guess I’m lucky because my wife is perfectly fine with my semen and pretty much lets me have my way as far as where I ejaculate (in her mouth, on her face, etc.). She’s pretty laid back about it all and just has fun. That said, it is a privilege I do not abuse. If I’m about to ejaculate on her face, I never do so in her eyes, up her nose, etc. If I’m about to cum in her mouth, I always let her know before it actually happens. Although we have never discussed this, I am sure she appreciates my not abusing the privilege and she in turn lets me have my way when it comes time to ejaculate. And I always, always return the favor! We have been married going on 17 years and she’s always been this way so, again. I guess I’m lucky. Before her, I was with women who were very squeamish about my ejaculate and it was a bit of a turnoff.

    • Thanks Alex for your comment.

      There is, of course, variation among individual women. What is so frustrating for husbands is a wife who is not willing to try accepting the semen in her mouth, a wife who refuses from the start to even try. That kind of unwillingness with no good reasons for it really irritates many a husband. Wives can work up to this and when they overcome their mental hangups can enjoy their husband’s climax. It really can be a special moment of shared intimacy for both spouses.

      Yes, many men would consider you lucky in this area to have a wife who is okay with receiving your semen on her face or in her mouth. And, you make an important point that other husbands can take to heart. Do not “abuse” this positive and accepting attitude of one’s wife towards one’s semen. Yes, definitely let your wife know when you are close to ejaculating. A husband can even ask her what her preference is as to on the face or breasts, or in her mouth. (A little variety to the finish never hurts.) Signalling your wife lets her be ready or prepared for the “shots” and that makes it much easier for her to be comfortable about the whole thing. Unexpected forceful shots of cum deep in her mouth or all over the face can be very unpleasant for a wife. As well, for the strong ejaculators out there, you can pump the first couple of shots inside her mouth and then quickly pull out and finish on her face.

      Why not give her some positive feedback from time to time? You could tell her how much you enjoy and like it when she swallows for you, or how much you love pumping your semen inside her warm, wet mouth. It seems that husbands thus favored by their loving wife ought to let her know they really do appreciate that.

  8. Most Husbands enjoy having their wives swallow their semen but freak out at the very idea of ingesting their own semen themselves. Semen is a gift from God and is to be used, not only for producing offspring, but as a source of spiritual nourishment for the strengthening of the marriage covenant. God has chosen to store within semen the activity of eternal life as it relates to being a loving husband and being a loving wife. Which means if young men were to ingest their own semen they will have no inclination to practice fornication, but would instead seek a young woman to marry. Men are suppose to use their own semen to sanctify themselves for marriage. “…this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter…”[Thess.4:3-6]

    Men who practice fornication and adultery are defrauders. They’re thieves and will be judged severely if they don’t repent. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” [Heb.13:4]

    It’s unfortunate that in today’s World unmarried Christian men practice fornication at the same rate as men who don’t no God. This isn’t suppose to happen. It happens because the correct use of semen is not widely known. A lot of men, including married ones, treat their semen as a waste product when in fact it’s not. It’s holy because it has eternal life in it.

    husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” [1 Pet.3:7] Peter is teaching those of us who are husbands that we need to give our wives the strength to act honorably towards us. That is, the strength to love us. This is because the activity of eternal life as it relates to being a loving wife is stored up within our semen. This is why wives are encouraged to drink their husbands semen. A husband’s semen is a gift from God, given to him as an inheritance to share with his own wife. This is why, in the above verse, semen is referred to as the gift or grace of life. I know this will be a shock to many Christian couples, however, these truths are hidden in the Word. They’re only revealed to us when we’re spiritually mature enough to receive them.

    “…husbands love your own wives. he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself…” [Eph.5:28,29,33] Husbands ought to nourish their own wives with their semen in the same way they’re suppose to be nourishing themselves with it. Note, the verse says “husbands ought to” which implies many husbands don’t, mainly because their wives are adverse to oral sex and swallowing their husbands semen.

    • We have edited the above comment for brevity while retaining the substance of it.

      Thank you for your comment. While we do not necessarily agree with your interpretation and all that it implies, we do think that wives (both Christian and non-Christian) ought to respect their husband’s semen even if they choose not to swallow it. A wife ought never act with revulsion towards her husband’s semen. Wives need to consciously cultivate a positive mental attitude towards their husband’s sexuality and towards his semen. If they work at this, accepting and then swallowing their husband’s semen becomes quite easy to do.

  9. Some women have a short gag reflex and excited thrusting and ejaculation can cause a woman to gag and choke, so the inference that it is all “in the mind/attitude” falls somewhat short of the reality. Everyone has their physical limits and some females consider some acts intolerable. A man should be as considerate of hers as she is of his. Loving sex should be as free and uninhibited as possible but respect for each other is the ultimate turn on.

    • Thanks for your comment. Yes, some women do have a sensitive gag reflex, and some men are strong ejaculators, but as discussed in the essay and appendix above, this can be managed. The “inference that it is all in the mind/attitude” refers to the unwillingness of some wives to even try to accept the ejaculation during fellatio. A flat refusal to even give this a few attempts is an indication of a negative attitude towards taking the oral sex to completion. The wife and her husband can make adjustments in this area, sure, but as noted in the essay, many wives who work at accepting the climax can with a little experience and practice become comfortable doing so. Mutual respect is a huge turn-on, yes. So, too, is the shared vulnerability and trust that is experienced by both spouses during loving oral sex.

      • Yes, agreed. I usually keep it under my tongue to avoid choking. Many men are into “ball licking.” Can you tackle that subject, too? Thanks.

      • As mentioned in the above essay, it is more important for her husband that the wife accept the ejaculation inside her mouth than that she swallow the ejaculate. As to the wife stimulating her husband’s testes with her tongue, that is perfectly fine and we briefly touched on gently stimulating his balls with her hands during her loving fellatio and even while her husband is orgasming. At this time, we do not plan on posting an essay on this particular aspect of oral sex. Thanks for your comment.

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