what husbands really want in sexual intimacy

. . . and what wives can do to give them what they want.

Husbands want their wife to be sexually available to them. Thus, the wife needs to be open and receptive to the husband when he initiates sexual intimacy.  This means the wife must not play the role of gate-keeper when it comes to sex.  And, yes, it is pleasing to the husband when his wife, from time to time, initiates the sexual encounter.

Husbands want their wife to be fully present, fully engaged in their lovemaking. To be fully present, you don’t just lay there and look up at the ceiling or the wall.  You are not passive, but rather you are actively participating in the lovemaking.  Be engaged, be active, be playful while you make love with your husband.  Share a few tender words.  Be spontaneous and playful.  Enjoy what your husband is doing to/for you, and enjoy what you are doing to/for your husband.  Enthusiasm shows that you are fully present and engaged in the moment with your husband.

Husbands desire for their wife to be able to orgasm during their lovemaking.  Yes, guys really do care about this as they want their wife to enjoy the lovemaking.  Help your husband out here if you are having difficulty experiencing orgasm.  Tell him what helps you and what he can or should do more of, and/or do differently.  It should be obvious that if the wife enjoys the lovemaking and orgasms most times, then she will want to make love more often, and be more fully engaged while making love.  So, help your husband become a better lover for you by gently telling him what he does that helps you enjoy your lovemaking and helps you to climax, and what he needs to do to make it even better, and easier for you to climax.  If longer foreplay helps you, be sure to let him know that.  (We encourage wives and husbands to read some of the good, helpful posts on the wife’s orgasm written by Christian wives on their marriage blogs.)

Husbands desire a wife who is sexually confident and a little adventurous in the marital bed.  The wife can be open to trying new sexual positions, and some new activities as these can liven up or “spice up” the lovemaking with some variety.  (Oral sex is a good option here.)  It is very emotionally and psychologically gratifying for the husband to see a good confidence and comfort level in his wife while they make love.



Husbands want their wife to respect and appreciate her husband’s orgasms.  With so much emphasis on the woman’s orgasm these days, a husband still desires that his wife appreciates his climax (and ejaculation), and does not merely consider it as an automatic outcome.  Simply put, men love to ejaculate in their wives, but they enjoy it much more intensely and it is much more psychologically gratifying for them when their wife welcomes their ejaculation and enjoys it, too.  Wives: do not trivialize your husband’s climax.  Enjoy his climax and value it – and this means enjoying and valuing both his actions of physically ejaculating (cumming) and his semen.  Also, wives ought to bear in mind that their husband needs frequent ejaculations for optimal health, including prostate health.

(Some women psychologists say that men are proud of their ejaculations.  So, indulge your husband and appreciate when he climaxes for you and in you.  And, of course, a loving wife desires her husband to experience a strong and fulfilling climax each time they make love.  She can help to make him feel like a man by being fully engaged in their lovemaking, and by being enthusiastic when he ejaculates – especially if he is ejaculating through oral sex.)

In summary, a husband desires a deep, living connection with his wife during their (shared) sexual intimacy, which he hopes is mutually fulfilling.


All of the above actions and behaviors are easily available to (and doable for) wives.  If there is difficulty here for the wife, it may be an attitude issue, or there may be problems in the relationship outside of the marriage bed that need to be constructively addressed.  Do not bring any stresses and resentments from outside the marriage bed to the marriage bed.

It must be said here that some wives find it difficult to let go and be enthusiastic and fully engaged, fully present in their marital lovemaking because they are bothered by guilt and other negative feelings from past, premarital promiscuity.  (If only young people could strive to save themselves sexually for marriage, but we know that is hard in today’s society.)  There are resources available to help women constructively deal with and overcome these negative feelings.  If needed, these resources ought to be sought out and made use of for spiritual and emotional healing.

Wives: bear in mind that you exchanged marriage vows with your husband.  You vowed to love and honor your husband.  Do not punish your husband because of your guilt and shame over previous sexual sins and promiscuity.  If you do so, you are breaking or violating your marriage vows.

why this matters

A mutually fulfilling sexual relationship and bond with your husband is not the only important factor or ingredient that is necessary for a strong, lasting, successful, and happy marriage.  But, as we have remarked before, it is one of the few key ingredients that must not be neglected in your marriage.

But, we now look at the larger picture.  Sexually satisfied spouses are far more likely in these terrible times to stay married, and not fall prey to the temptation to seek sexual gratification outside their marriage.  This is important as we so desperately need stable families today in the Western world.  Stable marriages provide the best (time-tested) environment for child rearing.  The children suffer the most when their parents separate and divorce.  We do not buy into this feminist nonsense that single parent households work just as well as the traditional family where both the father and mother are present in the home.  All the real world metrics contradict the assertion that single parent households are just as successful as traditional families in raising emotionally stable children to live constructive adult lives in society.




Here is a link to a recent thought provoking post from the “manosphere” on trust in relationships:

frames of reference: identifying trust

Also, for wives who need help in their mental attitude toward their husband’s semen, here is a good article by a Christian wife written for wives:  enjoying your husband’s semen

Here is an updated version of a classic post by Renee Wade of the Feminine Woman website  – highly recommended:

why men love blow jobs

Now, we move on to other topics.  Oh, the joys and challenges of being a generalist blogger these past 7 years.  A lot of effort has been put into this long running blog.

copyright 2019 – 2021 – larrysmusings.com, one of the West’s better blogs


    1. Thanks for your comment. Yes, we have in the past written on feminism and also reblogged a couple of other bloggers’ posts on that topic. But, as we are a generalist blogger, the next time we take up a critique of feminism may be a while into the future. If you have the time, you can always use the search feature on our blog site to find relevant posts from the past 7 years.

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